


Only Light

by Hamliet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BAMF Rey, Conflict of Interests, Dancing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Rey Kenobi, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren thought he had quenched the light forever, but after being betrayed by a jealous Hux and falling into the none-too-friendly hands of Rey, Finn, and Chewbacca, the man who used to be Ben Solo realizes the light may still be trying to claim him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

* * *

_Why did you have to make it so easy?_

His father's staring at him, eyes pleading, but not for himself—for his son. And Kylo Ren is teetering, knowing he's luring his father, tricking, manipulating—and yet meaning every word.

His lightsaber plunges into his father, and it's over, he'll be free, he has killed the light.

Except Han's fingers trace his face, and Ben wants to close his eyes, go back to a time where he was sitting on his father's lap, asking for stories about the Rebellion, the Force, his grandfather—

His grandfather. That's why he's done this. He remembers as his father's fingers fall away, as Han falls away—and his grandfather's there. Darth Vader is watching.

"Grand—" he begins, but he doesn't get any further. Now Kylo's falling, tumbling through the air— _use the Force, pull yourself up, do something or you'll die you're going to die_ —someone is laughing, _who is laughing, this isn't funny_ —

With a gasp, Kylo Ren jolts up in his bed, shaking and with bile stinging his mouth. He swallows. It's bitter. It burns.

His fingers trace the scar that stupid girl gave him on that same night, months ago. Why is he still dreaming about this? Snoke would be furious if he knew, if he discovers the pull of the light still hums inside his protégé's soul. He shudders as he pictures Snoke's disappointment.

Kylo looks towards his grandfather's helmet for solace yet again. It's becoming a nightly occurrence: nightmares, prayers to his grandfather, biting terror that Snoke will find out just how weak Kylo is—so weak that what should have severed the light entirely seems to have awakened it.

A knock on the door shatters his turmoil. A stormtrooper gives him a message. Snoke has requested his presence. Kylo chugs a cup of water, splashes it on his face to get rid of the sweat before he plunks on his mask and strides down the hallway.

"Your hands are shaking. Are you all right?"

Kylo tenses as he turns to Hux. The General's facade of concern breaks when Hux can't stop himself from smirking. "I'm fine. Why are you here?"

"Snoke summoned both of us." Hux grins as he pushes open the door, marching in ahead of Kylo, who picks up the pace to approach Snoke ahead of the General.

He folds his hands and Snoke doesn't notice as he gives them their assignment: to find Maz Kanata and bring her to him.

* * *

"Find Maz? Why?" Rey turns to Luke, her stomach jumping.

"You don't need to know yet."

"If we're doing this mission together, it'd be helpful to know—" Rey begins.

"We're not doing this together." Luke crosses his arms, leaning against a rugged rock. R2-D2 chirps in the background.

"What?"

"You're ready. For a mission such as this."

"By myself?" She's ready. She is. Is she? Rey can't decide whether she wants to leap in excitement that Luke thinks so well of her, or give in to her old insecurities. _You're no one._

"So long as you focus. Follow the Force and it will lead you. It's calling from Takodana." Luke pries himself away from the rocks and sits on the grass. Rey copies him.

"I'm not fully trained yet."

"Neither was I when I left Yoda to save my friends. Although that was a trap. This is not."

He is not reassuring her. She chooses her words carefully. "Why… just me?"

"It won't be just you. _I_ won't be there, but you'll have others." Luke gives her a smile, an almost fatherly smile, as if he knows something Rey does not. "I couldn't have done half the things I did without Leia... and Han."

Rey yanks up a chunk of grass and tosses it over the precipice and into the sea. She can't see where it lands. _Han._ She still feels a mixture of horror and rage and that all too familiar feeling of someone she loved leaving her forever when she thinks about him, remembers his own son stabbing him to death.

"Rey." Luke's hand is gentle on her arm. "You must control your anger."

"It's... hard."

Luke laughs. "Believe me, I know."

"So..." She tosses a stone now. "Who's going with me? Chewie? R2?"

"R2's staying here. But Chewie, of course. You can't go anywhere without your co-pilot. And Finn. And BB-8, because I of all people know how useful droids can be, and according to my sister, BB-8's been missing you. Poe Dameron agreed to it. Says—and I quote him here—you kicked a lot of ass together last time. "

Rey laughs. "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow."

* * *

Takodana. Different location, same planet.

The last time Kylo was here, he captured the girl... and his father was also here. Was alive.

_Stop!_ Kylo gulps in air, clenching his fists and glancing at a dour Hux. "Search the village."

"Yes, sir." Kylo can tell just how much Hux hates answering to him and relishes it.

Stormtroopers fan out, marching through the town. Random screams pierce the air, occasionally accompanied by a blaster shot. Kylo heads towards the cantina, clutching his lightsaber. What a fool this Maz is. Why would anyone stay on the same planet after the First Order destroyed her palace?

There's a flash in the forest, and Kylo whirls towards it, remembering how the girl fled into it. He slides closer, quiet, lightsaber ready in his hands and head swimming with the promise of Hux's scowl when he's captured Maz and Snoke's praise—

"You're as dumb as a Hutt!"

A thud, and a child's voice yells back, "At least my father wasn't a—"

Another thud. Kylo peers around the enormous tree he's hiding behind to see four kids, none of who could be older than eight, tussling with no idea of what was going on in their town.

Three against one, but the one boy was fighting back on his own. He might have made a good stormtrooper.

_"Ben, what did you do?" his mother shouts._

_"They were hitting me, so I hit them back!"_

His lightsaber sings as it turns on and he marches out form behind the tree. Three of the boys scream and flee deeper into the forest. The one boy, skin around his eyes indigo and maroon, gawps at him.

"Who are you?"

Maz Kanata. His mission. Kylo shakes his head and turns on his heel, stalking away. Footsteps behind him tell him the boy is following. Fool.

In the cantina, tables are overturned, the smell of ale stings his nostrils, and people cower on the ground, flinching whenever his lightsaber comes close.

Hux punches a Rodian who is tied to a chair in the face. Blood spurts from the creature's nose. "Where is she?"

"Step aside, Hux," Kylo says calmly.

"Where were you?"

"Step aside!" Using the Force, Kylo pushes Hux to the floor. The man grunts as he hits and, Kylo is sure, glowers up at him. No matter. Now Hux might be aware of his proper place again.

"Where is Maz Kanata?" Kylo brings the edge of his lightsaber close to its green face. Sweat sizzles on its skin.

"I don't know, I don't know—ahhh!" he screams, writhing as much as his restraints allow as Kylo uses the Force to tear apart his mind, look for—there.

"Kill him," he orders a stormtrooper.

"Kill them all," adds Hux, now standing tall and stiff next to Kylo.

"Wait until I return," Kylo barks as he heads down the stairs.

"Is it really necessary to kill them all, Ben Solo?"

The creature isn't even hiding. She's waiting at the edge of the stairs, arms folded, with almost a smile on her face.

"Don't call me that!" Kylo shouts, pointing his lightsaber at her. "Get upstairs!"

"Your parents named you Ben Solo, and you can't run away from that forever. Darth Vader could never quite leave Anakin Skywalker—"

"Shut up!" Kylo chokes her with the Force, watches her sputter and wheeze. "Take her away," he orders the stormtroopers.

"Now, kill them all," Hux commands.

Kylo turns to the insufferable general. Whatever Snoke's opinion, he can't tolerate the man's arrogance anymore! "You should have waited for me instead of wasting—"

"I didn't know how long you'd be, and I can—"

Kylo's eyes sweep the room, watching scantily clad Twi'leks clutch their lovers and wail as the stormtroopers aim. A pair of eyes meets his from under a table.

_Shit._

The kid.

He can take him for a stormtrooper. But Kylo knows Hux will say the child is too old, and he is. Kylo could say he senses the Force in the child, but he doesn't. He just senses himself.

Kylo backs against the table, his dark cloak concealing the child from the stormtroopers, from the blasters, from Hux. "Why must you always challenge me?"

" _Me?"_ Hux sputters. "You knocked me to the floor! In front of people!"

" _I'm_ in charge here!"

Hux swallows, eyes glittering. "Snoke thinks you're special because you can use the Force, but really, you are petulant, distractible, and _weak_ ," he hisses. "You can't—"

Silence takes over as the stormtroopers finish their duty. Kylo motions for them to leave.

"After you," Hux sneers.

"No." Kylo uses the Force to push him out ahead of the stormtroopers. "After _you."_

He can hear the boy's sniffles from under the table, but the kid is alive. Hopefully his parents are too.

Unless they were in here.

Kylo shakes off that thought as he marches out, the door slamming behind him with a hollow bang. He owes the child nothing more.

He heads for the ship, which landed in a small clearing in the forest. A cloud slides over the sun, and shadows vanish into a deep grey. A twig snaps behind him, and the unmistakable sound of a blaster fires through the air.

Red pain sears through his shoulder. Purple stars spark in his eyes. Black grabs him and pulls him down.

"The Force didn't help you then, did it?" scoffs Hux as he kicks Kylo's limp body and saunters back to the ship, alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Chewie's howl snaps Rey out of her conversation with Finn, who's been gabbing about his pilot training sessions with Poe Dameron.

"What is it?" Rey peers out the window as the Millennium Falcon glides onto the surface of Takodana.

BB-8 whimpers at the sight of a parade of people carrying the limp bodies of loved ones past several blown-out huts.

"They were here," Finn croaks out.

Snatching her lightsaber, Rey makes for the door.

"Rey! Rey, what if they're still here?" Finn shouts.

She pauses. "Does the First Order prioritize burying the dead?"

Finn grimaces. "Not really, no."

"Then we have to see if—if Maz—" Is alive? Is dead? Is in the hands of the First Order? "Chewie, stay with the ship. You too, BB-8."

The droid clicks in refusal and rolls after her. Rey sighs as if irritated, but the droid's stubbornness comforts her.

"Okay, Jedi Master, where do we look?" Finn asks.

She rolls her eyes but doesn't answer. She merely heads in one direction and Finn in the other. BB-8 whirs behind her as she trudges through the mud. The faces in front of her—humanoid and flesh-colored, green and gray, some with lips curled, others with eyes half-squeezed shut as if to block out the horror—don't blur together, much as Rey wishes they would.

There! Out of the corner of her eye, Rey spots a small child perched on his mother's lap, their faces too a mask of misery, but they're together and whole. She hurries over. "What happened here?"

"Who are you?" demands the mother, pushing her son away and jumping to her feet.

"I'm—" _No one. You're no one._

_A Jedi?_

"I'm—part of the Resistance," she manages. Future _Jedi. Shut up._ "I—I'm looking for Maz Kanata."

"Well, so were they," snaps the mother, grabbing the edges of her matted hair.

"The First Order?"

"Don't speak of them!" The woman flaps her hands. "This is the second time they've come, the second time in a year, next time maybe they'll kill me and my son and—"

"We're going to bring them down before that happens," Rey promises. _I hope._

BB-8 stares at her, then spins off towards the kid. The droid sticks out a flame. The child laughs, a sound dissonant with the trudges of people carrying the dead.

"My son saw them," the woman whispers. "In the cantina. He was the only survivor. He was so close—" She wipes her eyes as Rey places a hand on her shoulder.

Anger pulsates within her. To do this—to make a child afraid for his life—it shouldn't happen, not to this boy, not to her, not to any child or any adult. And for what? Would leaving them alive have hurt the First Order?

 _Mercy hurts the First Order's reputation._ Finn said that once.

"I'm so sorry," Rey says. She nods at the procession. "Family members?"

"For the lucky. Many are just travelers passing through. Those're strangers carrying them. I doubt their families will come looking for them, or know where to look for them if they do." The woman hugged herself.

Strangers. Rey found herself drawn to the creatures carrying the bodies of people they'd maybe never met, maybe wouldn't have liked if they had met or maybe would have loved.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Rey asks the woman, who shakes her head and beckons to her son.

"Let's go, BB-8," Rey says, turning back towards the ship. Luke will understand. Mud clings to her boots as she heads through the forest. Her blood boils as she thinks of that monster torturing Maz. Unless Maz can resist him the same way she could…

Something stirred in the trees. Rey stops.

Again, she hears it. Leaves crunching. Something black appears for a moment behind a tree trunk larger than five of her.

_Probably no one important.  
_

_Then why are they hiding?_

"Stay here, BB-8." With a zing, her lightsaber comes on and she moves towards the sound, one step at a time. The tree is closer, and closer—it's larger than seven of her, actually. The unmistakable snap of a lightsaber sounds from behind it.

BB-8 shrieks.

Rey does, too, as a dark figure throws itself at her, cross lightsaber slashing through the air. She dives to the side and leaps to her feet, levying her weapon at his chest. " _You!"_

Y _ou killed Han_ — _that woman was right, her son's not safe_ — _why are you still here? What do you have to finish?—_ flash through her mind in the split second before she lunges at him. He staggers back, one hand on his shoulder and the other waving the lightsaber about wildly.

Had she hit him? She's certain she hadn't. But then why—

He crumbles to the ground, lightsaber humming against the dirt. She waits for him to get up.

He doesn't stir.

Tentatively, Rey steps forward, lightsaber still aimed to kill should he try to strike.

She kicks his weapon out of the way. Still nothing.

Sighing, she reaches for his lightsaber and switches it off. BB-8 rolls closer, head tilted to the side.

Rey holds her lightsaber almost against his face. His eyelids don't even flicker. She kneels and checks to see if he's breathing. It's faint, but there. Blood oozes from a wound to his right shoulder, flecked onto his too-pale skin. A blaster?

He moans slightly as she tears his shirt and examines the wound. If she didn't know who he was, what he'd done to Han Solo, to so many, she would have felt pity.

"BB-8," Rey orders. "Get Chewie and bring him here. And Finn, if he's back yet."

The droid scuttles off as Rey prods his cheek with the hilt of his lightsaber. If she can get him back, they could interrogate him, find out where Maz is...

_That is, if he doesn't die first._

_Maybe I should let him die. It's not murder, is it, to walk away?_ The thoughts caress her, luring her…

 _No._ How could she look the General in the eye again? How could she leave Maz to a terrible fate? _He deserves justice, and the General will see to that._

Chewie roars from behind her, and Rey leaps up. "Chewie, I need you to get him on the ship."

Chewie glowers and shakes his head.

Rey puts her hands on her hips. "He might know what they've done with Maz."

Huffing and growling, Chewie grabs Kylo Ren, slinging him across his back.

She'll have to see what medical supplies they have... it looks bad, but also treatable…

 _Who shot him?_ she wonders as she notices his pathetic mask lying in the middle of a small stream and kicks it away. _A villager? A member of the First Order?_ What if another stormtrooper had turned, just like Finn had?

"Rey!" Finn rushes towards her as they approach the ship. "BB-8's chattering about something and I can't understand—" His eyes focus on Chewie's human cargo. "Rey? Is that—who is— _are you insane?"_

* * *

"Oh my word, Rey."

The words storm Kylo's brain and beat against his skull. He tries to sink away again, back into the quiet.

"Finn, unless you're going to help, go practice your piloting skills with Chewie."

A female voice. Familiar. _Where am I?_

"I'm just saying, Rey. This isn't going to work. He won't tell you anything. You both have the Force and you won't torture him. But: what if he tortures _you_ , and then uses the Force to get this ship to all of his First Order pals, and you and Chewie and me all get killed?"

 _Chewie?_ Kylo tries to pry his eyes open, but they won't cooperate. _Is this a dream?_

"We'll be back with the Resistance before he's strong enough to be dangerous. He's too injured now. Luke and Leia can keep him in line."

 _Leia?_ The name crashes into him, along with a feeling that's been nipping at him since he killed Han Solo: shame. _That voice—the girl! The woods—her stabbing at him, him falling back—Hux._

"Oh my word, Rey."

"Hand me that salve, will you? Not that one! The green one!" Something sharp bites into his shoulder.

"Hey!" His eyes fly open, and someone screams in the background. Metal crashes to the floor.

"Don't let him use the force, Rey!"

"I _told_ you he's too weak right now, _Finn_." The girl glares down at him, gaze as sharp as the salve against his shoulder. Finn— _that traitor stormtrooper!—_ aims a blaster at his skull.

"You're my prisoner now," the girl informs him. "If you try anything, Finn will shoot you, and this time it _will_ kill you." Her fingers knead the salve into his skin, and the sting lessens to a cool tingle.

"Where am I?"

"Your father's ship." Her tone is saturated with what is unsaid: _remember him? Your father? You killed him._

It's all so familiar: the small brown bed he lies on, the ceiling, the whirs of the engine. He almost imagines Chewie chasing him through the ship like he used to, keeping Ben out of the cockpit where his father and mother discussed Something Important, and the Wookiee picking him up, tossing him in the air…

He tries to move his uninjured arm and realizes restraints and both wrists, ankles, and knees tie him to the bed. Trapped. He's trapped.

"Trying to escape counts as _trying_ something," Rey says. "I wouldn't. The bandages, now, Finn." She holds out her hand.

Kylo cranes his neck to peer down at his shoulder and gags at the sight of shredded maroon and crimson skin—is that bone?

"Oh, good grief, get me the bucket? _Now!"_

Kylo bites his lips so hard he draws blood, but his stomach still undulates.

"I can't do that and still hold the blas—"

Something blips and chirps. "Thanks, BB-8." Rey thrusts a bucket under Kylo as he heaves into it. Rey helps lift him up as far as the restraints allow.

Completely humiliated, Kylo clamps his eyes shut, lying back down. He can feel Rey wrapping bandages around his shoulder and almost cries out, but he bites his tongue and draws more blood. It's better to bleed.

What would Snoke think of him now? Captured, weak, vomiting and his mind swarming with memories of Han Solo?

_It's over. He's dead. I killed him and I'm glad. I hated him. I still hate him._

A voice that sounds curiously like Maz Kanata cackles in his brain: _No, you don't._

* * *

Chewie groans as Rey reenters the cockpit and stores Kylo's lightsaber next to her own.

"BB-8 and Finn are guarding him. He'll recover. Eventually."

Chewie snorts.

"Yeah, Finn isn't too happy, but I need to radio Luke. He said he was meeting up with Leia while Finn and I went on this mission." For what? Did Luke have an even more important mission? Rey wondered. And how will he react to hearing that they've failed to find Maz? And instead found someone far more sinister?

Of course, he could have told her that the First Order was also looking for Maz. She scowls as she tries to contact her mentor. _Trust_. Luke always tells her to trust him, trust the Force, trust the Light. But how much does he trust her?

_Who would trust a no one?_

The image on the screen fades in and out, and static snaps through the sound.

Rey clears her throat, trying to shake off her thoughts. "Luke?"

"Rey!" His voice is oddly distorted. "How—"

"We've got a bad connection! Um, Chewie, could you—"

The Wookiee is already fiddling with the wires.

"'ow'd—go?" Luke asks.

"We haven't got Maz, the First Order got there first, but Luke, while we were on Takodana, we actually—"

Everything goes black. Rey gapes at Chewie, who shakes his head as if to say he didn't do it.

"Okay," Rey breathes. "Okay."

After a half hour of trying to fix it, the screen is still black.


	3. Chapter 3

Finn paces the room, eyes darting from the droid watching his every move to the unconscious monster restrained to a bed. Rey better be right about him being too weak to use the Force right now.

Kylo's asleep, finally. He pretended to be when Rey was bandaging him, but Finn noticed the clenched fists. If Kylo Ren ever escapes his restraints, he'll kill them all.

Finn shudders as he remembers walking past a room with TN-2814 once while Kylo Ren was throwing a tantrum, screaming and destroying everything in sight with his lightsaber. TN-2814 had grabbed his hand and they'd run in the other direction.

A month later, TN-2814 was dead, his blood smeared on Finn's helmet. Dead, because of Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren stirs. Finn's blaster flies up, pointed and ready.

Kylo's head thrashes from side to side as his back arches. The blaster shakes in Finn's hands. BB-8 squeals and darts out of the room.

"I have to—I have to—no choice," Kylo moans.

"Rey?" bellows Finn. "REY!" He waits to be strangled, thrown across the room, but Kylo's eyes are still shut even as his body jerks around.

"Stop! No! I hate—don't! _Father!"_

Rey bursts into the room as a howl tears from Kylo's throat. She snatches a water bucket and throws it over him.

Kylo gasps and chokes, taking in Finn, the blaster, and Rey setting the water bucket down. Chewie appears, crossing his arms and glaring.

"Nightmares?" Rey mocks him.

"Night—oh! I thought he was possessed by the Force or something." Finn sighs in relief. Rey raises her eyebrows.

"Leave me alone," Kylo mutters.

"Did you tear your bandaging?"

"No."

"You did!" Rey stomps over to the medical supply cabinet. "I haven't got the time to keep—"

"Then just let me die!" Kylo hisses.

Rey freezes. Finn's mouth feels dry.

"Go. Let me go," Kylo corrects himself, staring at the floor.

Rey snorts as she unscrews the cap to the salve again. "Not happening."

She works on him in silence. Finn watches for any sign of Kylo lashing out at her, but he just grimaces and looks at the wall.

"I'll trade off with you in an hour," Rey tells Finn as she and Chewie leave. BB-8 rolls back in.

Finn looks at Kylo, words frothing up inside him, words with a venom that he's never unleashed before. "I didn't know monsters dreamed at all."

Kylo squeezes his eyes shut.

Finn flies back against a wall. He jumps back up and aims at Kylo, whose eyes are wide and almost scared.

"I didn't—"

"Oh, yeah? What was—"

The entire ship starts to shake.

* * *

Loose medical supplies soar and tumble through the air, one that looks like a scalpel missing Kylo's face by millimeters. The Millennium Falcon groans and plummets.

"Finn!" Rey flings the door open. "We need you!"

Finn scrambles out of the room, leaving Kylo restrained to the cot and at the mercy of various salve jars and metal screwdrivers.

Finn, Rey, and Chewbacca all yell instructions at each other from the cockpit. Kylo can't make out the words. Are they crashing? Is this it?

 _Well,_ he thinks. _Maybe Snoke won't find out how weak I am, then._

But what if he dies and sees his father again? Would there be a place for those who weren't strong with the Force? Does he want there to be?

Something round and orange shoots into the room, clattering against the ceiling as the ship begins to spiral. The droid flies up and lands next to Kylo, slamming into his stomach. He wheezes in pain.

The droid shoots out tethers, tying itself and Kylo in place. Not that he needed more restraints, but the droid leans itself against his face, as if protecting him from the flying scalpels.

"Get off me!"

BB-8 shakes its head as a glass jar shatters against it.

Rey and Finn's shouts echo through the ship, as do Chewie's.

 _Looks like your ship destined to fail, too,_ Kylo thinks, addressing his father. _Just like you… like the Jedi… like the light… like me._

The ship rolls once more and, while still swerving, the nauseating twisting stops.

"Hold on!" Rey hollers, and the _Millennium Falcon_ takes a sharp dive, rights itself, spins again, and slams down. Kylo's teeth crack against each other.

Cheers erupt from the cockpit. "You did it!" Finn howls.

"Everything okay back here?" Rey staggers in, her hair sticking out in all directions and a sharp flush to her cheeks.

BB-8 clicks, retracting its tethers and hopping down. Kylo sucks in air.

BB-8 stares at him as if waiting for something.

"Good job, BB-8," Rey calls.

The droid still stares at him, then shakes its head and totters off behind Rey. Only when it's gone does Kylo realize what BB-8 wanted: a thank you.

* * *

"Are you sure you can handle him?" Finn peers into Rey's eyes.

"I'm sure."

"We won't be gone long."

Chewie huffs.

"Hopefully," Finn amends.

"Got your blaster?"

"Yeah. You sure you don't want it? For him?"

"I have one, Finn. And my lightsaber. And the Force. Besides, he's still not in any shape to do any real damage."

Finn blows his breath out. "Yeah, well, don't forget how he manipulated Han."

"I'm not turning my back on him. And neither is BB-8."

The droid whirs.

Finn hesitates and then throws his arms around Rey, hugging her tight.

"Be safe," she warns them both.

"See you soon." Finn ducks out the door, followed by Chewie. Rey rushes to the window and watches them head towards the column of smoke, a single line of grey against an all-white landscape, that they can see rising through the ice-coated trees.

 _They'll come back,_ she reassures herself. _It's not like Jakku._

Since business helps lift her anxiety, Rey stomps around the ship, readying some rations that aren't much better than the food she used to earn back on Jakku. She marches back to the bunks and plunks the metal plate down. "If you don't think you'll retch it all up."

Kylo looks pointedly at his restraints.

"Damn." No way is she letting him free. "BB-8?"

The droid sidles up to Kylo, head down as it uses its metal arm to feed him. Neither of them look pleased.

"Sorry, BB-8." Rey retreats to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall as she eats.

"What happened?" Kylo asks. "To—this ship?"

"Malfunction of some sort. Malfunctions, really. Finn and Chewie went to call for assistance. There's a settlement nearby." She hopes. They need an extra part for the compressor or else the Millennium Falcon will be stuck.

He coughs as BB-8 shoves more bread into his mouth. "Where are we?"

"Someplace icy."

"Hoth?"

"We're not in that system, and I'm not giving you any more information." She sets her plate down with a clank. "You should also know that if you try anything—even trying to convince me to do anything, which we both know won't work—I have no qualms about cutting off your hands, or your feet. Your brain will still work."

Kylo's face drains as if he believes her lie.

_Is it a lie? Could I really do that?_

Kylo smirks and shakes his head as BB-8 attempts to force more bread into him. "Nice bluff."

"It's not a bluff."

"You've got too much light in you to do that."

"I sliced your face, remember?" she shoots back.

He scowls. Silence drifts over the ship.

"How'd you get shot?" she asks.

Kylo's gaze darts around the room. "We took Maz Kanata. Weren't you looking for her, too?"

"So someone on Takodana shot you?"

"Yes."

Rey focuses on his shifting eyes and the way he keeps clenching and unclenching his fists. "There's more to it than that."

"If I don't tell you, will you cut out my tongue?" he snaps.

Rey snorts. "I wouldn't miss your voice, but I'm not giving up hope you'll say something useful at some point."

Kylo's stony expression dissolves as he coughs—or tries to stifle a laugh? A smile slips onto her face, but she wipes it away— _this man killed his own father._

"Does being here remind you of him?" she asks.

"If I said no, what would you think of me?"

"Why do you care what I'd think?"

"I don't. I—" Kylo struggles to find the words. "The memories don't matter. They're in the past. They're—as dead as Han Solo."

" _Your father,"_ she spits out, hands starting to shake. "You killed your own father. Tricked him, lured him out there when _all along_ you knew you were going to—"

Kylo shakes his head.

"What? You didn't trick him?"

"No—well—I wasn't—I did," he mutters.

"Don't you feel _anything?_ Any regret? Any sorrow?" Rey persists. "Or does the Dark Side eschew all of that?"

Chest rising and falling rapidly, Kylo looks towards the silver wall instead of towards her. "Why are you—"

"Because _I_ want to know why! He loved you, Ben—"

"Don't call me that!" he yells.

"—he loved you, he begged you to—he would have forgiven _any_ thing, _every_ thing—"

" _Stop!"_ he screams. "He's dead now, isn't he, so it's useless—there's no point—"

"So that's why?" Rey asks, wiping at her eyes. "Because you want to believe there's no hope left, no chance for forgiveness? To prove something to yourself?"

His jaw hovers, unable to close, as his breath escapes in guttural gasps. "Is this even about me?" he chokes out. "He loved you, too, you know—he thought you were everything I wasn't."

Rey blinks, caught off-guard. "How do you know that?"

"I saw the way he looked at you, that time…" Kylo flexes against his own restraints to no avail. "In your mind. He offered you a job. He sent—" Kylo clamps his mouth shut.

But Rey knows what he was going to say. _He sent me away._ Her ire stoked, she lashes out. "To Luke? Because he saw potential in you, Ben—"

"You're deluded! You knew him for only a few days—it's—you're wrong about that." Kylo's eyes meet hers. She sees something torn and battered in them and closes her mouth.

"What would you know anyway?" he asks savagely, words chosen to stab and dice. "You never knew your father."

BB-8 squeals in anger.

"Don't you wonder about him, Rey? Who he was? Why he left you? Or are you content jumping around my relatives for pseudo-father figures?"

For a moment, she wants to light up her saber and slice his hand off, like she'd threatened.

 _Control your anger,_ Luke had said.

Rey breathes in, and out. She focuses on their training sessions, on the island, on Finn's hugs and Chewie's trust in her. "Why do you want to know?" she asks. "Do you know who he is?"

"I could hazard a guess."

"You're mocking me."

He snickers. "Yes."

"Why are you so cruel?" she demands.

"I doubt you'd want the image of your two fatherly heroes so sullied." His retort lacks the rage she'd heard earlier.

Strangely, she feels as if he's right. She doesn't want to know. Not now, with Finn and Chewie's absence gnawing at her.

"Worried for your friends?" He sounds almost concerned.

She nods, and his eyebrows fly up in surprise at her honest response. "Did you ever have friends?"

"Of course."

"But power's more important, right?"

His eyes fall to his bandaged shoulder again. _Did a friend give him that? A partner?_ "You don't understand."

"Well, I'm just making logical assumptions: if it's more important than family, surely it's more important than—"

" _Please_ _stop_ about my father."

Rey relaxes. "Finally, you called him that."

Kylo stiffens.

"Were you dreaming of him?" she questions. "Really?"

He looks towards the wall again, and Rey realizes she's not getting a word out of him. BB-8 moves to take the half-eaten plate of food. She heads for the door.

She hears him then, quiet and gentle: " _Thank you."_ Not to her. To the droid.

BB-8 purrs.

* * *

Why he lied, Kylo isn't sure.

He wasn't mocking her.

He doesn't know who Rey's father is. He can't tell her what he does know, though she'd kill him. Of course, that might turn her to the Dark Side, and that would win him back Snoke's favor…

But worse, she'd loathe him. And for reasons Kylo Ren can't understand, he vows that he will never tell her.

He closes his eyes, feeling his wound throb with each beat of his heart and remembering the last time he'd laid down on this very cot.

" _What happened to you?"_

_This isn't how Ben imagined seeing his father again after his latest trip to wherever he and Chewie went every few months. It's his birthday. He is six. He wants to see his father's face widen in a grin like usual._

_Instead, Father's eyes are wide as he takes in his son's bleeding nose and bruised eyes._

" _They were saying things about you, and Mother, and the First Order… they said Uncle Luke's a fake, and—"_

" _So you hit them?"_

" _They hit me harder!" Ben defends himself, ducking away from Mother's hand as she dabs at his swollen eye. "And I made them fly into a tree."_

_Chewie ruffles Ben's hair, chortling._

" _It's not a big deal, Leia. The kid can stand up for what's right. That's good. That's important." Father looks at Mother like he wants something, but Ben doesn't know what._

" _Yes, but he's not like you. He's like Luke… like my father."_

" _Grandfather Anakin?" Ben asks._

" _Yes." Leia glowers at Han. "He can't—you know—he's got to control himself."_

_Han sighs. He nodds, and Ben's excitement vanishes. He clenches his fists and wishes he would disappear._


	4. Chapter 4

"You look like part of the First Order to me," growls the massive human-like creature towering over Finn. Well, humanoid, minus the four arms.

"Um—" Finn squeaks, craning his neck to see the face that was taller than Chewbacca by three heads. "We're not. We're part of the Resistance, actually—we've both personally _fought_ the First Order—we're not—"

"You could be telling the truth. Or you could be lying," the creature boomed.

"Safest bet is to kill them," drawled another one.

Chewbacca growls. Sweat prickles against Finn's neck despite the planet's frigidity.

"Please!" he says. "We're wanted by the First Order, actually—we won't be here long. We just need to contact our friends, they'll come get us out—a few days at most!"

"And if you're telling the truth? And the First Order finds out?"

Finn grits his teeth. "They won't if we defeat them first."

The creature cackles. "You're brave. The First Order kills all, though: brave, weak, scared, powerful, Jedi…"

Chewie whimpers and Rey's name dangles on Finn's tongue, but: if they do get killed, he needs Rey to get away. Rey needs to live. Do these creatures even respect Jedi?

"Three days," Finn begs.

"Three days," intones a fresh voice. Another creature, smaller but with eyes like dark amber and a scar carved across her nose. "And if you're not gone, we'll kill you."

"Deal," Finn manages. His mind gallops ahead, trying to piece together what he'll say to the General, to Luke... without mentioning that they're carrying a certain prisoner from the First Order.

"Come." The creature beckons for him to follow. "You need to contact the Resistance, don't you?" she adds when Finn hesitates.

"Yes—and a Jedi," Finn allows. "Two—"

"Jedi," she muses, and Finn glances at Chewie.

"What happened?" Finn changes the subject. "With the First Order?"

* * *

Kylo can hear Rey's teeth chattering as she comes in, draped in several blankets and carrying several more. She tosses three of them over him. Kylo almost thanks her, but can't quite force the words off his tongue.

"They're not back yet?" he asks instead.

Rey's pale face answers his question.

"Why didn't you go? As a Jedi—"

"—I'm the best suited to guard you," she finishes. crouching to gather the still-scattered medical supplies. "Also, Finn could—it will help him."

"How?"

She sets the supplies down on a table with a clatter. It echoes. She doesn't answer.

"You care about him."

"Finn's my friend." Rey rolls the small table over to him. "I need to put more salve on your wound."

"He's a stormtrooper. Hux brainwashes them not to have friends, to care—"

"Clearly whatever methods this Hux uses are overestimated." Rey reaches for his wound, hands hovering over the bandages. "How is it feeling?"

"It's a little better," he admits.

"Good." She begins to unwrap.

"Hux's methods _are_ overestimated," Kylo says, his voice colder than the air as he mentions that enemy. "But not as much as you think. FN—Finn is the first stormtrooper to leave. To rebel."

Rey massages the salve into the wound. Kylo bites his tongue again. The pain is should relieve him. It doesn't.

"Hux doesn't get that people aren't clones," Rey says. "No one can fully mold another person into what they want, if the person doesn't want it."

Kylo thinks of Snoke and bites harder. He wants to be what Snoke wants.

_You used to want to be what Luke wanted…_

What does _he_ want to be? He releases his tongue and breathes out.

"What are you doing?" Rey cries out.

Kylo realizes that he's bitten his tongue harder than he intended. Blood dribbles down his chin. "It's nothing."

Rey wipes his blood away, brow creased. Kylo shies away at her touch. He doesn't want this. Not compassion. Not from her. He thought he'd treated her decently when she was his prisoner—and comparatively, he had. But he'd still searched her mind, however reluctantly.

"Rey?" he asks. "Why didn't you let me—why are you helping me? With my wound? Didn't it occur to you that if I was in pain, I might talk more?"

She snorts. "Do you _want_ me to let you suffer?"

He can't come up with a single cavalier response.

"I'd never do to you what you did to me," she informs him. "I'm no Sith."

"Neither am I." _Grandfather was, though_. Kylo bites his tongue again. _I'm sorry,_ he prays to a dead man.

"You're still enchanted with the Dark Side, aren't you?" Rey shakes her head as if to say the Dark Side is all the same to her. But it's not—there are nuances… there can be more than two, with the Knights of Ren, unlike with the Sith.

Her can imagine her response to that: _you still operate under the same principles, don't you?_

" _Rey!"_

" _Finn!"_ she shrieks, leaping to her feet and dashing out of the room. A strange sense of loneliness settles on Kylo. The walls, though blank, reflect so many memories. His Mother, kind like Rey… Uncle Luke placing a lightsaber in his hand for the first time… _No!_ His only escape is to shut his eyes, shut it all out. _It doesn't matter. I've gone too far._

" _It's too late," he said to Han, even as part of him thrashed and screamed to try anyway, and part of him cackled with derision at the thought that he was completely given over to the Dark Side. Because he wasn't. But he could be, could be soon, in moments really._

_Or he could go home._

_And then Han fell, and as Kylo thanked him, he cursed himself._

"Three days, Rey."

"That will be fine. You know as well as I do that Poe will be here in one."

Kylo cracks his eyes open again. Rey grins. "Forgot to actually put bandages back on."

"Seems the First Order is familiar with the inhabitants here," Finn remarks, glaring down at Kylo.

He rolls his eyes. "I don't know everything about the First Order."

"It seems they've—the creatures who live here—fled from another planet after you destroyed it. Along with a lot of their lives."

"Possibly. You were a lot more likely than me to have participated in that," Kylo retorts, ignoring the way his insides squirm. "I had more important things to do for Snoke." Snoke will never speak to him with pride again if he knew how strong the light was calling to him here… if only he had his grandfather's helmet to beseech. Anything.

He could use the Force, try to persuade them to set him free—kill them—

"Snoke," Rey repeats, her hands strong and cold against his skin. "Your mentor?"

Kylo gulps and knows, somehow, that he can't kill her. He'll never do it.

What if Snoke knows already? What if he foreknew this would happen, knew there was too much light inside Kylo, told Hux to do what he did?

"Am I hurting you?"

 _Yes._ "No." Panic, the image of Hux's smug face, the pain— _weakness_ —in his shoulder, the memory of Snoke telling him he had so much potential—it all swells and churns inside him, and he's suddenly screaming, begging almost. "You have to let me go. _Please_ , Rey. Take off my restraints—let me go back to the First Order—I won't hurt you, or Finn or the Wookiee—just _let me go_ —" Hot tears run down his cheeks, and he can't even swipe them away. His face is hot, the air is cold, there's light in front of him and dark everywhere and he's still being torn apart. "You've _got to—please_ —"

"Rey, he'll use the Force!"

She's on her feet, lightsaber on and pointed directly at his face.

"I'm not—please, you have to, you _don't understand!"_ he shouts. "I have to go back—I _have_ to—Snoke's the only one who can help me—"

"You really think that beast will help you?" Rey scoffs, but she retracts the lightsaber.

"You know who wanted to help you?" sneers Finn, inching closer. " _Your father._ But you killed him."

Kylo hiccups, unable to catch his breath. "It didn't even work!"

"What didn't work?" Rey asks, motioning to BB-8, who wheels away.

"Killing him… it was supposed to end it," Kylo mutters. He doesn't care how much he reveals. He almost wonders if she put something in the salve, to lower his guard… but no, this is all him. He's falling, plummeting and spiraling, and he can't pull it together in time to keep from crashing.

"End what?"

"The pain," he chokes out. " _This_ pain. I was supposed to be free… it didn't work."

Rey and Finn exchange a glance. BB-8 pulls up with a cup of freezing water.

"Drink it," Rey orders, but she holds it in the air as if asking instead of just pouring it down his throat.

He acquiesces, wishing it were poison.

* * *

"Don't worry about me, General." Poe flashes his most brilliant smile. "I'll be back in a day or two. With them all."

Leia sighs. "I'm not worried about you, Poe. Now stop wasting time and get going." She swats at his shoulder. He laughs.

Of course, neither of them wants to mention what's really consuming her mind. _The First Order has Maz_. And Ben? Was he a part of that?

There's still good in him, she pleaded with Han, heard his denial, saw the look in his eyes betraying that he, too, still held out hope.

Could there still be good in him, even now?

Han's loss gnaws at her, a vacancy next to her. When he was alive, she held out hope he'd return if Ben would just see the light.

_He's lost. He's gone. Forever._

"Please don't let it be so," she whispers, appealing to the Force, to her father, to her brother.

Because she still loves him. He's her son. If he was anyone else—if she didn't know who he was…

She saw the thirst in her pilots' eyes, the righteous anger. They felt Han's loss acutely.

 _More than her, though?_ Never. And yet, she loves her son. She sees him when she first birthed him, after almost a day of crushing labor, as a squalling baby clutched in Han's arms, her husband staring at him in wonder. She sees him fighting a bully… going off to Luke's… crying to her that his father didn't appreciate him, erupting that she hadn't told him Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were one and the same. She sees him slipping away into Snoke's influence…

 _Mother, was it this painful for you? I don't blame you for deciding to die,_ she thinks to the woman whose face appears to her only in dreams fed by the Force.

But Leia would never do that. She still hopes. Until Ben dies in Kylo Ren's body, she will hope. Luke always hoped for their father, and it paid off.

She needs her brother. There's no one else, not anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

In and out. In, then out. In. Out.

Finn listens to Rey breathing. The wind whistles outside.

Finn shivers. He gave Rey an extra blanket and tells himself that it's the cold keeping him awake.

But it's not, and with a huff, he throws his arms out of the blanket's protection. The story he heard today from the Besalisks—death, destruction, all of it—reverberates inside his skull, pounding and pounding away. He wants to leave himself, and that's impossible.

Kylo Ren was right. He would more likely have been a part of that terror than Kylo himself. Kylo's role was always closely aligned to something or other with the Force and the Jedi and all of that stuff Finn still doesn't quite understand. Well, he worked in sanitation for so long… he knows he wasn't actually a part of the troops that killed them.

He could have been, though, if TN-2814 hadn't died. Not the Besalisks, but some other population.

 _Never again_. He's disavowed them, run from them, betrayed them. _It's not your responsibility anymore._

Finn gets up, muscles aching as he trudges to get himself some water, wash these feelings away. He passes Kylo's bunk area and hesitates.

 _What the hell?_ He steps in. BB-8 and Chewie turn to him. "I can take over," he tells the Wookiee. "I know it's early. It's fine."

Chewie huffs and leaves without a glance at the prisoner.

Kylo's eyes are open, watching Finn. "Can't sleep?"

"From the looks of it, neither can you."

"I don't want to sleep."

"Afraid of more nightmares?"

Kylo clenches his fists.

"Do you ever feel bad?" Finn asks abruptly. _Oh, shit_. He hadn't meant to say it aloud.

 _Well, why not?_ Kylo's hysteria earlier suggested it. "When you hear about what—the suffering the First Order creates?"

Kylo's jaw slackens in surprise. "Are the alternatives any better?"

"Forget it. Guilt is only for the weak, right? Those who are part of the Light and all that." Finn slams his jug of water down.

"That's what Snoke would say," Kylo concurs.

"What about you?" Finn demands. "What would Ky—B— _you_ say?"

Kylo shifts as much as the restraints will allow. Which isn't much. Thankfully.

"What's the point? Of remorse? What's past is past."

"I don't know." Finn glares at his own reflection on the floor.

"My father would have said it makes us into better people," Kylo offers.

Finn's head snaps up. "Your father?"

"Han Solo," Kylo corrects himself, but Finn gapes at him. Is he really having this conversation with Kylo Ren? The half-crazed, reckless, patricidal man Rey referred to as a _monster_? A conversation that sounds almost like one he would have with Rey, with Poe, with friends?

Except he would never have this one with Rey or Poe. They don't know what it's like to be in the dark and find the light.

If there's hope for Finn… he sees the hardened mask sliding over Kylo's face—jaw stiffening, eyes glazing.

"Maybe," Finn drawls, mostly to annoy his prisoner. "There's hope for you, too."

* * *

Poe Dameron glides his small ship to a stop at the edge of what looks like a forest of icicles. He locks it up and strides off only to slip on a patch of ice and fall on his ass. He rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet, tracking his way to the Millennium Falcon.

Snow soaks through his orange jumpsuit, and before long his teeth are chattering. The sun is no help. Finn, Rey, and Chewie better have blankets and hot drinks on board. Although, based on their last communication, he doubts it.

By the time Poe catches sight of the Millennium Falcon, almost glowing in the light, he's panting and hoping never to see snow again. Ever.

"Open up!" he hollers.

The door opens and Chewie claps him on the back, ushering him inside.

"Poe!" Finn rounds the corner, eyes dragged down by shadows. Poe's heart still leaps.

 _This is just a mission,_ Poe reminds himself. _That's all._ He runs his hand through his sweat-soaked hair and tosses his bag of supplies onto the floor. "Rescue mission, at your service."

Finn laughs. Chewie shakes his head.

"Where's Rey?"

"Um—yeah, Poe, about that." Finn exchanges a look with Chewie, something almost like guilt and shame.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Finn blurts out. "Just—"

BB-8 sticks its head out from around the corner and whirs in delight when it sees Poe.

"Hey buddy! How've they been treating—"

BB-8 scuttles away. Poe stares at Finn. "What's up with BB-8?"

"I think Rey needs it right now."

" _Why?"_ Poe prompts.

"It's better if we show you." Finn leads the way towards, if Poe remembers the Millennium Falcon correctly, the bunks.

"Here." He stops. "You can't—"

"What the—" Poe's blaster is out before he can complete his own sentence, aimed at Kylo Ren, mask-less now but certainly no less dangerous.

"BB-8, come here," Rey urges.

The droid latches its tentacles around Kylo's wrists, and then Rey releases the restraints.

"What is he doing here?" Poe sputters.

"He's our prisoner," Rey says, crossing her arms.

"Why are you letting him up?"

"To use the restroom. BB-8 will make sure—"

"So you're well enough to get up now?" Finn questions.

Kylo's face flushes. "Yes—"

Chewie roars and steps forward to land a punch squarely in Kylo's nose. Kylo stumbles backward and flops onto the bunk.

Poe chortles, and Finn cracks a smile.

Rey grins at Chewie and crouches over Kylo. "How's your shoulder?"

"He hit my face. Not my shoulder. It's fine," comes the response.

"Good job, Chewie," mutters Finn.

"Can't say you didn't deserve that," Poe observes.

"Do I need to bandage your nose, now?" Rey asks, hands on her hips.

"It's fine," Kylo snaps, sitting back up gingerly. His eyes find Chewie and a strange look filters into them.

"Rey, can I—can we talk?" Poe requests.

She follows him out. "Want food?"

Poe's stomach rumbles on cue. "Yeah, that'd be great. But first. What are you hoping to get from him? Like, actually? He's a pretty—"

"He might know where Maz is. And why they took her. We can—"

"And what if he doesn't tell you anything? What if _he_ manipulates _you_? He's not going to tell you anything. He's too devoted to the Dark Side." The emotions bubble up now, and Poe can't stop expressing them. "What if he tries to pull you to the Dark Side?"

Rey wraps her arms around her slender frame. "I can handle him."

Poe drags his hands through his sopping hair. "I don't mean to imply—but Rey, he's—cunning. More cunning than you know. He's Snoke's personal project. Snoke isn't going to let him go that easily, and he's not going to leave Snoke without a fight."

Rey glares at Poe, eyes igniting. "He is tied to your droid right now. He doesn't have a choice about leaving Snoke—physically anyways."

 _The rest is his choice,_ Poe understands. Trouble is, he'll never trust Kylo Ren to make the right choice. He remembers the General gasping, the first and only time he's seen her cry…

"Hey, Poe." Finn stands nearby, judging the short distance between Rey and Poe with a somber look.

"Yeah?"

"If you want warmer clothes, here." Finn shoves an extra orange pilot's outfit at him.

"Thanks."

Finn's shoulders relax. "And if you want to borrow my jacket, you know, I'll let you."

* * *

_Bang!_

"What the hell is that?" Poe demands, not tearing his gaze away from the control panel he and Rey are repairing.

Finn inches closer to the door. "Who's there?"

Chewie growls from behind him.

"You've violated the rules we set!" snarls the voice of the first Besalisk Finn and Chewie had encountered when they'd arrived at the small settlement.

"What? No! It hasn't been three days yet!" Finn yells back.

"One of us reported seeing another vessel arrive earlier!" the Besalisk hisses.

"You've come to run our planet!" A chorus of agreement chills Finn. How many of them are out there?

"You knew we were calling for help!" Finn points out. "A friend came—he'll help us get _out_ of here; we'll be gone by tomorrow—trust me, we _don't_ want to stay!"

More grumbling. Finn hears the word "risk" several times.

"We had an agreement!" Finn drops his voice. "Chewie, go tell them to work faster!"

BB-8 peeks out from around a corner. So does Kylo Ren. Finn points at him with a blaster. "Get the hell out of here!"

"The last time we trusted someone—"

"We're not the First Order!" Finn shouts.

Poe tears around the corner.

"How long?" Finn hisses.

"An hour." Poe claps him on the shoulder. "How brave are you feeling?"

Something clatters against the side of the ship. "They're trying to break in!"

"Not much, huh? That's okay." Poe drags him. "We'll make do."

"Where are we—"

"Rey can fix this thing on her own. You, me, and Chewie are taking one of the escape pods. Listen, I know Besalisks, they'll chase us. We'll give Rey the hour and I'll be carrying this—" Poe holds up a tracker. "So when it's fixed, she'll find us and rescue us."

"That is a terrible plan."

"Got a better one?" Rey darts past him, grime and oil smeared over her cheek.

"I'm going to do it!" Finn hollers.

Chewie roars.

"If any of you get killed, I will never forgive you!" Rey snaps as she runs back, clambering down the ladder to work.

Minutes later, the escape pod detaches and shoots through the air with the three of them crammed inside, Finn on Chewie's lap and Chewie's head pressed against Poe's shoulder.

"Is it working?" Finn ekes out, unable to see.

Poe glances down. "Oh, yeah."

But he doesn't see the one Besalisk heading back towards the settlement, intent on stopping and saving her people the only way she knows how: reporting to the First Order.

* * *

"Do you need help?"

"Not from you!" Rey pants.

"I don't want to be torn apart by these things any more than you do!"

"You can help by _shutting up!"_ Something clangs, and Rey yelps.

Kylo sighs, sitting cross-legged on the floor, BB-8's tether tight around his wrists. She is just like his father. And mother, for that matter. Preferring to work solo—he smirks at his own pun—never trusting anyone else to come through.

Rey curses and smoke starts to rise from the hole.

"Rey?"

"It's fine!" she coughs. "Dammit—no—this should be working—BB-8! I need the yellow—"

The droid yanks Kylo up as it locates the small yellow ring Rey's asking for.

"I can—"

BB-8 sticks out a metal arm and shocks Kylo before dropping the object into Rey's waiting hands.

Something hisses, and then Rey lets out a shriek. "Yes!"

"It's fixed?"

"Yes!" Rey pops out of the hole, clapping her hands in glee. Kylo can't stop himself from grinning.

"Better get ready!" she calls as she sprints towards the cockpit. Kylo hesitates, glancing at BB-8, who studies him and decides to lead the way.

Rey doesn't seem surprised, or even annoyed. But Kylo's heart skips a beat when he realizes she's sitting where his father should have been.

_Would have been, except for you._

_Are you still feeling the light? It didn't work then! It was all for nothing, it failed, failed because of you._

Kylo flinches.

"Right. Here we go now," Rey says, shifting the gears. The Millennium Falcon sputters, jerks forward, and stalls. "Oh, come on!"

The ship surges forward, smashing through trees.

"You did it!" Kylo exclaims.

"I did!" She laughs as she grabs the tracker and studies it. "Hold on!" The ship twists and dives towards the right.

"Where are they?" Kylo asks.

"According to this, near here…" Rey notices a smashed pod. "Not in the pod, apparently. They're…"

She stops as several unmistakable shapes appear on the horizon.

TIE fighters.

"BB-8," Rey intones. "Take him back to the bunks. Now." Her hand closes around her lightsaber, eyes sweeping the area.

Finn, Poe, and Chewie scramble to make it to the Millennium Falcon, but a small cliff blocks their path. Poe fires off several shots form his blaster as Chewie lifts Finn up, then Poe, and then they pull him up. Several crudely made knives barely miss Chewie. But there's another sheer wall they'll have to climb, taller even…

Rey rushes off the ship, gripping her lightsaber.

* * *

 _Are the TIE fighters for me?_ Kylo isn't sure if he ought to feel flattered Snoke thinks him important enough to rescue, or humiliated that he needs rescuing.

_What does it matter? You need to get back to him! To the First Order! Where you belong!_

BB-8 rolls back and forth in worry. Kylo raises his manacled hands and beats his own shoulder, pain exploding, scorching, invigorating.

 _Pain will bring out the Dark Side, when the Light tempts you,_ Snoke tells him. _You may be the Master of the Knights of Ren, but there's still too much Light corrupting you. Hindering you from becoming all you can be._

BB-8 turns to him, and Kylo summons the Force, snapping the tethers and kicking the droid. BB-8 slams into the wall, and by the time it looks for Kylo, he's fled.

* * *

"A Jedi!" One of the Besalisks skids to a stop, mouth agape as Rey aims at them.

"Let. My friends. Go. We won't bother you any more."

Chewie heaves Finn up first again.

"The First Order's already here!" rasps another Besalisk, an older one if the many creases in its face testified to anything honest.

"Don't be stupid!" snarls the first. "You can't fight a Jedi!"

"We can capture it! Maybe then the First Order'll leave—"

"Get to the cockpit!" Rey hisses at Poe.

"They have a Jedi! We can't capture her!"

With a grunt, Poe lands, bolting for the ship as Finn drags Chewie up. One of the Besalisks lunges for the Wookiee, and Rey slices him away. He tumbles backwards, screeching and clutching his arm with all three of his other arms.

 _Stay calm._ Rey glowers down at them, raising an eyebrow in a challenge she knows none will accept.

They turn away. _Good_.

A cannon shot snaps through the air, and before she can see it, Rey knows somehow that it's coming for her.

* * *

Kylo waits until Finn and Chewbacca pound onto the ship before he races off it.

"BB-8!" he hears Poe shout.

_Rey._

Kylo skids as he notices Rey staring to turn around, snow starting to whip through the air like it had the night she last defeated him. Too late it occurs to him he has no lightsaber, but before Rey even notices he's there, Kylo sees the sharp, malevolent green of a cannon shot slicing its way through the air, straight towards Rey's head.

Before Kylo can think, he thrusts his hands into the air, halting the shot before it can kill Rey.

"Come on!" she screams, grabbing his injured arm and dragging him back onto the ship as Poe lifts it away.

He could stop her, break free. But Kylo still can't believe what he's just done. And worse: what if the TIE fighter saw?

_Of course he saw!_

_Can_ he even go back now?

Rey sinks to the floor, gasping for air. "You—"

"Rey!" Finn grabs Kylo by his collar and slams him against the wall. "BB-8 told us what you pulled! Use the lightsaber, Rey!"

"Finn, he just saved my life!" Rey chokes out.


	6. Chapter 6

'"What?" Finn's black eyes are still hard as steel, but his grip slackens. "You—what? Are you sure? Him?"

BB-8 swerves out of the cockpit and beelines for Kylo, electrical stingers ready.

"No, BB-8!" Rey yelps, struggling to her feet.

" _What the hell is going on?"_ Poe erupts from the cockpit, Chewie roaring in agreement.

Rey shakes her head and storms towards the irate pilots. Finn finally lets Kylo go, but BB-8 pushes him towards the cockpit as well.

"You saved her life?" Poe demands.

"They shot would have hit me, Poe." Rey opens a canteen and glugs down the water.

"Yeah, well, BB-8 says you kicked him," Poe informs Kylo. "Forgive me if I don't think that was all about rescuing Rey."

"BB-8's a him?" Finn wonders aloud.

"BB-8's a droid," Rey snaps.

Chewie throws his pilot gear down and stands, waiting for Kylo to completely crane his neck before he punches him in the face again. Kylo's flung back into the door frame, head smacking the corner.

Groaning, Kylo squints. His vision is blurry, but it looks like Poe and Chewie are slapping hands.

"So why'd you do it?" Rey asks him.

Kylo thumps his shoulder wound. "I—" It'd be easy to lie, say he felt through the Force that Rey was in trouble, plead that's he's changed, pretend to be someone he's not like Snoke had him do with Luke years and years ago. He punches his shoulder harder, waiting for the burst of agony, for the motivation. But when the pain comes, it's empty, hollow.

"What are you doing?" Rey cries.

"I was trying to escape," Kylo spits at them. "That's why I kicked your droid." BB-8's taser comes out again, flickering with blue lightning. "I don't know why I saved you."

"Especially if your mission is to destroy the last of the Jedi," Rey comments. Her gaze doesn't waver, and an agonizing, humiliating sensation washes over him, the sensation of having his clothes and skin peeled back, exposing his scars, his weak areas, his vital spots that he can't live without. "Get out of my head!" he screams.

"I'm not in your head!" Rey exclaims.

"You've been kind to me. You saved me when you didn't have to, now I've done the same, we're even, it's enough, next time—" Kylo's babbling, but he can't even finish what he's going to say because another lie feels like it will topple him. He slams his fist into the metal frame, again and again, feeling his knuckles crack and splinter and still, nothing. No motivation. No conviction. Not even memories of Snoke or a prayer to his grandfather. The Light's hooked tentacles in him despite all his attempts to break free.

" _The Light won't be there if you don't want it."_ Finally, Snoke's voice, but the memory echoes and Kylo's only vaguely aware of Rey using the Force to freeze him, of Chewie carrying him back towards the bunks.

* * *

" _You okay, Ben?"_

_Huddled with his knees against his chest, Ben nods even though he knows Uncle Luke won't believe him. Father wouldn't have either, but he would have known to ignore him. Uncle Luke, on the other hand, sits down beside him._

" _It's your first week of training, kiddo. You can't expect to be a Jedi right away." Uncle Luke pries Ben's face away from his knees. "Losing a fake duel isn't the end—"_

" _What if I don't want to be a Jedi?" Ben asks abruptly._

_Uncle Luke blinks in surprise. "Well, the Force is strong in you. As it was with my father, and in me, and in your mother."_

" _If it's so strong, why do I always lose?"_

" _It was one fight, Ben." Uncle Luke sounds tired. Ben traces absently in the dirt as he tries to craft his next question (which will not include the fact that it's actually been three fights, since the last two were after hours when they were all supposed to be asleep)._

" _If I don't want to be a Jedi, can I go home?"_

" _Oh," Uncle Luke sighs. "So_ that's _it."_

" _What?" Ben demands. "What's—what?"_

" _It's natural to miss your home, Ben. And your parents. I missed my father my whole life... save for a few precious minutes."_

" _Why only a few?" Ben asks. The sun streams down, pricking his pale skin._

_Uncle Luke regards him. "How much did your parents tell you about Anakin Skywalker?"_

_Ben hears the laughter of other padawans coming from over the hill. They better not interrupt them. "That he was a great Jedi. That he saved you from Darth Vader."_

_Uncle Luke sighs and rubs his chin. "All of that's true. Obi-wan Kenobi—whom you're named for—told me the Jedi part when I first asked him. He left out a key detail, though." Luke drops his hand and starts tracing in the dirt too, adding faces to the circles Ben had been drawing._

_Ben catches his uncle's arm. "What detail?"_

_Uncle Luke peers into Ben's eyes and cracks a grin. "Your mother might kill me for telling you."_

" _If I'm old enough to be sent here, aren't I old enough to know?"_

_Uncle Luke nods. "Ben, Anakin Skywalker… and Darth Vader were one and the same."_

" _What?" Ben gapes at his uncle. A cloud cloaks the sun. "Why—why wouldn't Mother tell me? Or Father—you mean the man who froze him in carbonite was_ Mother's father?"

" _To be fair, none of them knew it then," Uncle Luke mutters. "I think she was trying to protect you. From that knowledge. It's been a burden for both of us, more so for her—he never knew his daughter's identity. I doubt it would have brought him peace if he had."_

_Ben stares at his hands and can't fathom it. How can he be descended from Darth Vader? "But—I—they should have told me. It's important to know!"_

" _Yes, it is, and now you know." Uncle Luke smiles at him. "You're like me. You don't shy away from the truth. You'll keep working too, and you'll get better and better with more practice. You should have seen me training under Yoda. You'll be a great Jedi."_

"Calmed down?"

Jolted out of his reverie, Kylo lifts his head and finds Poe Dameron standing above him, hands on his hips. Kylo tries to sit up only to find the restraints back in place.

"Promise you're not going to throw another hissy fit? Finn says you're prone to them."

Kylo scowls. "You'd be upset, too, if everything you've worked for was destroyed."

"Probably, but that hasn't happened yet despite your best attempts. Also, I'm not actively trying to find evil inside of me."

"It's not evil," Kylo snaps, remembering what Snoke had told him years ago. "It's power."

"So that's what they're calling it these days." Poe leans over and frees him from his restraints. "If you so much as smash anything—yourself, me, a plate—BB-8 has permission to shock you. Repeatedly. As many times as it takes."

The droid whirs in excitement. Poe's still studying him, head cocked to the side.

"Poe?" Finn sticks his head around a corner. "Everything going all right? Oh. You're awake."

"Things are fine, Finn."

"Rey said to tell you not to rush back to the cockpit. She's more than capable of handling things." Finn chuckles.

Poe nods. "Thanks." Kylo notices how Poe's eyes follow Finn as he vanishes from sight.

"Why are you staring at me?" Poe snaps. "I swear, if you try to dig around in my head again—"

"I'm not! I don't need to." And he can't resist adding: "Some things are obvious without needing to see inside your brain."

Poe glares at him. Kylo shuts up, tracing the edge of the bunk. When he looks up again, Poe's eyes still haven't left him.

"What?" Kylo asks, getting to his feet and rubbing his arms. The ship's engines hum through the floor. He wants to punch his wound, but there's something malevolent in BB-8's usually cute appearance.

Poe leans against the wall. "Why are you so against the Light anyways? I mean, I don't claim to understand the Force—at all, really—but to me, it—"

"The Light is weakness," Kylo interrupts. "Supreme Leader Snoke says—"

"Snoke? That buffoon?"

"He's wise—"

"Sure, telling you to kill your own father is wise. Is up also down?"

 _He has to be wise. If he's not, what am I?_ Kylo clenches his fists. "How did you know he—"

"Because you just told me. _Some things are obvious without seeing inside your head._ I mean, we suspected it, but…" Poe's watching him too intently. Kylo glances everywhere else he can in the room.

Poe clears his throat. "Would you have done it? If he hadn't ordered you to?"

"Snoke is wise," Kylo repeats. "He knew I needed to do it. For me." Or else he would never continue to the next level of training, become all he could be. Not that his training sessions with Snoke amounted to much—hours of meditation, seeking to tap into the power that, during the rare occasion he could grasp it, terrified even Kylo.

And when he meditated, mostly all he heard is Han screaming. A sound he's never heard, except in his mind.

"You still believe that?"

Kylo meets Poe's eyes for a fraction of a second, but in that moment he knows he's given away too much.

"Wait, actually?" the pilot bursts out. "You regret it? You—"

"You don't understand," Kylo mutters. "I've given Snoke _everything_." And there's nothing left. He's here, doubled over, a shell of a man, severed from the only people he wants to run back to because if he runs back to them, he'll have to _see_ everything he's given Snoke.

The Light creeps over him, dragging ghosts with it. The village on Takodana, Lor San Tekka. Maz's palace, the village on Jakku, his fellow padawans...

There's only one thing he never gave Snoke, and she's sitting in his father's pilot chair.

Snoke asked him to kill the wrong person. Wise as Snoke was, he'd never learned Ben Solo's last act before he transformed into Kylo Ren.

 _Your son is dead,_ he'd told Han on that bridge, voice as cold as the snow falling outside. He'd wanted it to be true, through he could kill Ben Solo when he killed Han Solo, son with the father. Instead, the lightsaber awakened what it was supposed to kill.

 _Traitor!_ he'd screamed at Finn. He hadn't meant Finn. He'd meant himself, meant Ben Solo.

To go back, now, he'd have to kill her. _Kill them all._ How many times has he uttered that line?

_I can't do it._

_Where do I go from here?_

* * *

"You okay, Poe?" Finn asks as the pilot storms back from the bunks. "Did he say anything?"

"He's his moody self," Poe retorts. Finn bites his lip. "I still say we don't leave him alone. We'll have to do guard duty."

"I'll take the first shift," Rey volunteers quickly.

"Better you than me," returns Poe. "I'll get food."

Finn shakes his head and trots after Poe.

"Why're you following me?" Poe grouses.

"Because you seem rattled. What'd he say? Did he do anything to you?"

Poe slams open a cabinet and rifles through. "He said… First he was still worshipping Snoke, bemoaning that his goals of becoming a Supreme Murderer are over and whatnot. And then—"

"Then what?" asks Finn, taking some bread rations and mixing the powder with water.

Poe whirls around, a sweaty sheen covering his face, but Finn's the one standing over the steam. "Just… he seemed almost remorseful. As remorseful as Kylo Ren can be, anyways."

"For killing Han?" Poe scoops the bread onto a plate.

"Yeah…"

"He seemed that way the other night, too," Finn offers. "Maybe—"

"Maybe what?" Poe shakes his head. "It'd be nice to think he can change. The general still hopes for it."

"But you don't?" Finn questions. _I changed. I didn't kill my father, though. Or anyone I knew…_

 _But you did._ After leaving. Other stormtroopers…

"It's not that. It's… I don't know. How can we ever know, Finn? For certain? Say he decides to help the Resistance. How can we trust him? We can't. He murdered his own father."

Finn hugs himself. "I suppose."

Poe pushes past him. "Let's get the food to Chewie and Rey."

Finn watches him walk away, a slight falter to Poe Dameron's usual strut.

He does know what Poe meant. It was so easy for him when the dead were stormtroopers whose numbers he didn't know, when they were villagers who screamed, but he had no inclination as to what they feared leaving behind, because he didn't know that people like Poe and Rey existed.

Until TN-2814 bled out in front of him, shot by none other than Poe himself, and grief sliced him for the first time. Someone he cared for, maybe loved, died.

Was it easy for Poe, killing people dressed in identical white masks?

 _What makes someone a monster?_ Finn wonders. Is it more monstrous to kill those you know, those you love, or more monstrous to kill people you don't know but could have loved? Or is it equally horrible, because no matter whether you know them or not, they'll bleed out and some hope, some dream, will drain from their eyes?


	7. Chapter 7

Rey sees Kylo thrash first, seconds before his mouth twists open, about to scream. She throws her water over his face, and he jerks awake, gasping and gagging.

"Thank you," he mutters, swiping wet strands of hair from his face.

"What were you dreaming about?" she inquires, blinking sleep from her eyes.

He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to.

"Why?" Rey asks. "Why did you kill him?" _And save me?_

"Snoke said it would set me free… it'd block the Light forever." Kylo leans over, pressing his face into his knees.

"Instead it's only made you feel more trapped," Rey says slowly.

"Yes."

"Why do you hate the Light so much?" Rey wants to know.

"I don't… not exactly. My grandfather—he was a great master of the Dark Side. And Snoke himself, he says that the fact that I'm from the Light makes me more powerful…"

 _Snoke's using you for your power._ Rey had never considered Han's words so carefully before.

"And that's what matters to you. Power."

He shrugs.

"Why?"

"What else do I have?"

"A family," Rey says darkly. "Who loves you. Or loved, in one case."

Kylo recoils. "She doesn't anymore. She can't."

Rey wants to argue the point, but decides against it.

"And he didn't… you don't know. You don't know what growing up with them was like."

"No," Rey agrees. "I grew up alone." She hears the rawness in her own voice.

Kylo watches her with an inscrutable expression.

"But why did you turn?" Rey blurts out. "I asked Luke once and he refused to tell me."

A ghost of a smile flickers on Kylo's lips. "I should have guessed you'd be training with him."

She raises her eyebrows. _Don't forget my question,_ she thinks.

_I won't._

_Get out of my head._

_Will do._ He glances at the floor, his fingers tracing the edge of the bunk. "I thought—when Luke was training me, was training us—there were so many rules. Discipline's never been one of my strengths, and I wanted to be free. I wanted to learn and use the Force on my own terms."

"I understand that," Rey says quietly.

His eyes find hers, shining in the dark. "Really?"

"Not the Force part. But wanting to be free." Rey tugs at one of her hair buns. "On Jakku, there were groups of scavengers that worked together, competed with each other. It could be kind of cutthroat, and they had all sorts of rules as a group. I preferred to work alone. I did better that way."

Kylo nods eagerly. "They lied to me about things, too. The First Order… yes, it's flawed, but so was the New Republic… and the Resistance doesn't really have any better ideas. The First Order seemed like the lesser of the evils. At any rate, it was better than chaos."

Rey takes a step closer. "Do you still believe that?"

"I don't think anything's that simple."

Rey crosses her arms.

"The First Order's done wrong, okay, yes," Kylo says quickly. "And I've done…"

"Horrible things," Rey states.

He swallows.

"And soon you'll have to own up to it," Rey adds. "We'll be at the Resistance base within another day."

Kylo faces her. "You know I have very little information that can help you? Snoke plays his cards close to his chest. I don't know why they took Maz. I don't know what their plans are."

Rey snorts. "It's hard for me to know when to trust you."

"All I know is that Snoke was completing my training, and then he said this mission—Maz—was more important. I don't get to ask why."

"Why not?"

He almost smiles. "I… trust him."

"Why?" she asks again.

"Because… he was there for me. When others weren't." Almost immediately he turns away, and Rey knows he won't say any more. But she needs to know. For Maz—and for herself. She does not understand this man.

"Do you still trust him?"

"I don't know."

Rey probes into his mind, expecting resistance and planning to yield to it. To her surprise, he lets her in far enough only to see that his _I don't know_ disguised a _no_ , a no he's afraid to admit out loud, but is so tired—

He pushes back, and Rey leaves him alone. Silence elapses.

"What will they do to me?" Kylo asks her, arms hugging his sides now. "At the base?"

Fear, the raw kind that can't be faked, bleeds through his voice. Rey steps closer again and sits next to him. For a moment she, too, feels fear, but he doesn't move towards her.

"I don't know," she answers. "You did save my life, I'll tell them that. But—you've taken many other lives."

"I was trying to escape, though, when I helped you."

"True," she acquiesces. Her hand slinks out, landing on the side of his face. He twitches but allows her to turn his face towards hers. " _But_ you still chose to save me instead."

"Not sure that means much."

"Would you go back, now?" Rey asks. "If we were to… let you go, which we won't, I assure you—but if we were. Would you go back?"

The silence echoes. Rey's heart beats against her chest.

"No. Snoke would want… would want something I can't do."

 _He does know something!_ "Want what?"

Kylo shakes his head. "It's not important. Even if it weren't for that… I can't go back. I couldn't. I wouldn't." He presses his fingertips together and glances at her, then back at the floor, blowing out his breath. "It's like… the closer I get to the Light, the more I let it in, the more I dream. Not just Han... my father. Massacres I don't even remember except when I'm asleep, or just not concentrating—I'll hear screams from somewhere in my mind. It's like I'm going crazy, and I know the screams from somewhere, but I can't place them." His breath catches.

 _Is he crying?_ Rey wonders.

"If they do execute me at the Resistance Base, I don't think I would mind." He laughs, a dry and cracking noise. "I just want it to end."

Anger stabs through Rey, inexplicable and yet raging hot and strong. "Bullshit. You just want the easy way out, again."

"What?"

Rey swallows, breathing slowly, deeply. _Control your anger_. "If you really regret it, and they do execute you, be brave. Fine. But wanting to die is a coward's attitude."

"You have no idea the sh—"

"I don't, you're right, but do you think that's what your father would have wanted? Ben!" Rey grips at her hair. "Live! Try to live! Be brave, brave enough to fight for—well, if not the Light, then life itself, then people you still care about, if anyone—try. Don't give in. Death _isn't_ the answer."

His lips curve up. "You wanted to kill me. And tried to. Multiple times."

"I didn't know you then, did I?" She stares at him. She will not blink. Her eyes sting.

He blinks first.

* * *

Finn wakes to the zings and crackles of a lightsaber. _Has it finally—no!_ He jumps out of his bunk and topples to the floor, knocking the wind out of him and leaving him to wrestle with his own legs to get back up.

"Are you all right?"

Gasping, Finn looks up into the face of Kylo Ren, watching him with concern.

"I'm fine," he squeaks out, gripping the side of the bunk and pulling himself up. "What is going on?"

"Rey's practicing. I presume."

"You're not watching?"

Kylo almost smiles. "I don't want to stand in as a target."

"No," Finn agrees. "That's reasonable. But you could probably learn a few things, you know? Since she's more talented than you?"

He doesn't know why he said it, but almost instantly cold horror washes through him. Ren's hands might still be tied by a droid, but if he really wants to, Finn knows he can break free and kill Finn.

"She is," agrees Kylo.

"Wait, what?" Now Finn just feels confused, like his head is being scrambled. Or maybe he's still asleep. Or knocked himself out trying to get up. Kylo Ren? Admitting someone else is better than he is?

"I've always known she's talented. Force sensitive beings can sense it in others," Kylo states.

"Right." But there's something about the way Kylo's head skitters to the side, back again, up, down, that gives more away. " _You know who she is!"_

"What?" Kylo blinks. "Of course I—"

"Who she is," Finn repeats. "Before Jakku. You know more than you're telling, don't you?"

"She's just a scavenger."

"Not working," Finn informs him, coming closer and peering directly into Kylo's dark eyes. "I know there's more to it. The General may not be at liberty to tell, but _she_ knows there's more too."

"I can't help you." Kylo starts to stalk off, but Finn's hand clenches around his arm. Kylo winces and Finn remembers that he's clutching the injured arm.

"Sorry," Finn says, stepping back and raising his hands. "It's just—do you know—is there a way to find out… about me? The stormtroopers? Like where we came from?" It's a question he doesn't often consider, but hearing—no matter how Kylo Ren denies it—that Rey has a past reminds Finn that he does, too. Could it be that somewhere, across the galaxy or maybe on a planet they had just passed, there was a family missing him, wondering what happened to their son?

Kylo frowns. His hand starts out almost as if to reach for Finn's shoulder, but stops. "I don't know," he says, and this time Finn can tell he's being honest.

Finn nods, swallowing hard as he turns away. It shouldn't hurt. His family has always been a void, and until he woke up from the coma Kylo had put him in and realized he was missing Rey, felt Poe throw his arms around him in joy that he was awake, Finn had never even thought about them.

He passes Rey, who's put away her lightsaber and is now making a mirror dance through the air. "Creepy," he teases her.

The mirror smacks his temple. "Ow!"

Finn quickly grabs some food and heads into the cockpit, where Poe and Chewie are surveying the stars in silence.

"Sleep well?" Poe asks, not taking his eyes off the window.

"Mm-hm." Finn munches on the bread. It's almost sour today, which appeals simply for the fact that it actually has a flavor. "When are we arriving?"

"Well, we would have arrived all ready, but our diversion after our little encounter with the First Order took us off course by about a day, and the General's ordered me to collect something from someone, which is also out of the way. So we'll be making a stop today, but there's no way we're reaching the base before tomorrow."

"Something from someone," Finn repeats, rolling his eyes. "Did you tell her about… our passenger? Prisoner?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because this ship is only temporarily fixed, Finn. I didn't want to stress out any system by making a longer-than-necessary call. All I did say was that we might have some leverage with the First Order now."

"How about Luke? Did Rey tell Luke?"

"We can't reach him," Poe admits.

Hours later, Poe and Chewie begin their descent onto a sunshine-drenched planet. Finn volunteers to stay behind with Kylo, not because he wants to, but because Poe knows the mission, it wouldn't be fair to force Rey to do that again, and if they leave Chewie alone with Kylo, Finn's not entirely positive their prisoner would still have both his arms when they return.

All of ten minutes traipse by before Rey races back onto the ship. "We need you."

"Me?" Finn yelps.

"We need to have a larger party than just the three of us."

"I would think it's the opposite. You _want_ to look conspicuous?"

"We want to look intimidating. We're not dealing with kind, generous souls, despite how pacific this place looks."

"Shouldn't a Jedi be—"

"Enough!" Rey snaps. She glares at him, and at Kylo. "You're both coming. Finn, dump a cloak over him to disguise his handcuffs. And his face. And for your information, the General apparently told Finn that I am not to reveal myself here."

"If they can't see that I'm tied up, you won't be able to check that either," Kylo points out.

"I really don't think this is a place you want to escape in, but if you're warning us, just say so."

Kylo shakes his head.

"One minute," Finn calls, running to find another cloak to throw over him. "Here. This one will cover half of your face too."

"Great." Kylo's voice is muffled.

"Listen, you better not be lying. If you're planning on pulling something—"

"Finn, I don't have any place to escape _to_ ," Kylo snaps. "I mean, I could always steal a ship and disappear, but I can't go back to the First Order."

"Because they saw you help Rey? You're done?"

"Because Snoke will want me to do something _I can't do."_

Finn can't see Kylo's face, but he can read his rigid posture. "Does this have to do with Rey?" he whispers. "You know, the big secret about who she is that you're carrying?"

"If I could Force choke you and not get stung by this droid here, I would," comes the response.

"Sting him," Finn tells BB-8, who happily obliges.

Poe scowls at Kylo's presence, but nods when he sees how closely Finn and a glinting BB-8 are watching him. The sunlight sets the grass aglow, but when Finn looks closely, he notices there are splotches where it's been trodden almost into the dirt.

Poe leads them into a crowded town. Jawas call out, selling all sorts of creatures. Finn's stomach turns.

"Here." Poe swings open the door to a cantina that reminds Finn of Maz Kanata's palace.

Except for the giant Hutt Poe's heading straight for.

The Hutt speaks, not in its language but theirs. "So you're the fearsome pilot."

"That's what they say," Poe answers, hands on his hips.

"Who are these?" Drool dribbles down the Hutt's lips as it looks over Rey.

"Fearsome fighters," Poe says. "Don't mess with them. Especially the girl," he adds as the Hutt's tongue lolls out, chasing its own spit. "You have what's been discussed?"

"I do. What about what I need?"

Poe slaps a slip of paper down on the wooden table separating them. "Signed by the General herself. When the First Order is overthrown, you'll be able to go anywhere you like without interference. And the Resistance will assist you in avoiding the First Order in the meantime."

 _What could possibly be this important?_ Finn wonders. The fact that the Resistance struck a deal with this slobbering beast makes him cringe.

"I want some insurance."

"What more do you need? The General keeps her word."

"Ah, but she was married to a famous double-crosser. The stories of what they did to Jabba are legend."

Kylo stiffens beside Finn.

"So I'll be taking one of you. The girl, or the boy right there." The Hutt's puny arm extends towards Finn.

"Like hell you will," Poe says.

"Temporarily. As a loan. Or else I won't give you your map."

"Another map?" Finn hisses. Chewie growls.

"Try and take us," Rey says, hand flying to her lightsaber. Finn wants her to pull it out, slice through this Hutt, but he knows what the General said. But if they're attacked… Finn's fingers tighten on his blaster.

Whispers undulate through the cantina. A crowd starts to gather.

"So which of you is volunteering?" chortles the Hutt.

"Neither," Finn snarls as Chewie plants his massive body in front of both Rey and Finn.

"I like the boy. He's got spirit. Take him."

There's a loud crack, and the acrid scent of smoke singes Finn's nostrils. Coughing, his eyes widen as he sees one of the Hutt's minions clutching his arms and screaming. The blaster the creature had held seconds earlier combusted in his arms.

One of the other creatures backs up, staring at his own blaster. It bursts into flames and, screaming, he throws it directly onto his master.

Howling, the Hutt bats the burning gun away, tail swinging through the air. Finn watches the Kylo's hand flick again and steps forward. "The map, or would you like to be next?"

"You're not getting anything—"

The third blaster explodes and flies through the air, smacking the Hutt on its face and leaving a pink burn. Screeching, the creature writhes and wriggles in either pain or anger or more likely, both.

"The map," Poe intones, stepping forward with his hand outstretched.

"And you'll get out of here," Rey adds. " _This second."_

"Fine!" The Hutt tosses a small metal cylinder at Poe as it turns and slides away.

The cantina erupts in applause.

Rey whips around almost instantly, fixed on Kylo. "You!"

"They didn't notice," Kylo points out. "And I don't take orders from the General. Plus, I wasn't mentioned."

"I was going to—"

"Well, it worked," Poe says. "Does it matter who—"

"What's that for?" Finn whispers.

Poe leans close. "It's a map that tracks where the First Order's fleet is at all times."

"That was wonderful!" squeals a Rodian, darting through the crowds towards them. "That Hutt wouldn't leave for days—was threatening and threatening to destroy my entire place—I've just fixed the place up and I don't think I could've borne that!"

"It's the Rodian version of C-3PO," Poe murmurs so only Finn can hear.

"Glad to help," Rey says. "We'll just be going now—"

"No, no, stay for a drink, you must!"

"We burned your floor! And wall," Rey protests.

"No, no, you don't understand, it's far better than what that Hutt was threatening to do!"

"It really is," Finn whispers back to Poe.

"It'll be on me!" the creature chirps. "Drink, dance, stay awhile!"

"This isn't a good idea," Kylo mutters.

"Do we have a choice?" Rey hisses.

"One drink, each," Poe announces.

Chewie cheers. _Of course_. Chewie is also the only one to finish the bitter ale within five minutes and order a second. The Rodian claps its hands together.

"Dance, dance, you must dance! I paid for this band!"

 _This is music?_ Finn thinks. It sounds like unbearable squeaking and squealing. Okay, with a few drum beats.

"If we must, we must," Poe declares, hopping off his stool and shoving the drink away. "Rey?"

"I don't dance."

"What, those lessons come without dancing included?" Poe grabs her hand and drags her up.

Finn gulps more of his drink, almost gagging. But the burning satisfies part of him as he watches Poe try to show Rey his dance skills. She's not bad.

Finn, on the other hand, has never danced in his life. An overwhelming loneliness settles over him.

"Finn!" Rey breaks through with her grin and her hand. "Come on!"

"I've never—"

"Let me show you," Poe interrupts, grabbing Finn's hand.

"Okay."

Out of the corner of his eye, Finn sees Rey dragging Kylo up next. With his cloak, he looks even more uncomfortable, but BB-8 trembles in excitement as it sways to the beat.

Finn crunches Poe's foot. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't worry about it! Have fun while we still can!" Poe grins, and he looks so alive, with his hair flying around and his cheeks flushed. He draws Finn in, and his loneliness is banished.

He hears Rey giggling, and watches her almost trip over BB-8. Kylo grasps her elbow to steady her.

"Oh, come on!" Rey shouts at Kylo, grabbing his arms and forcing him to copy her steps. "Like this, okay?"

A sound Finn's never heard before rumbles from Kylo: a laugh.

Finn meets Poe's gaze, which is jovial and tender. "We are dancing with Kylo Ren."

"We're also dancing with friends!" Poe yells back, stumbling and almost crashing into Finn, who laughs and tries to haul him up. When he can't and slips to the floor. Finn kneels next to him.

"So, Finn," Poe drawls. "How much alcohol d'you think was in those drinks?"

* * *

Leia knows he's here before anyone runs over with the news. His presence is like a fire: soothing, warm, but also flickering and biting.

"Princess?" asks C-3PO. "Er—General? What is it?"

"My brother's here."

"No, I'm afraid that is quite impossible. I would—"

She strides outside, C-3PO tottering after her, calling out all the reasons why it's impossible. Until Luke rounds a small ship and freezes.

"Oh! Oh, goodness gracious me!" C-3PO exults. "It _is_ you! Master Luke!"

Leia pushes past the golden droid and wraps her arms around her brother. Their hug is stiff, with all that's unsaid, all the memories, all the names— _Han, Ben—_ standing between them.

"Why, _R2!"_ C-3PO cheers again.

"I felt you calling. Through the Force," Luke says to her once they're inside and Leia's kicked out everyone besides the two droids and the empty feeling that Han should be here.

"How long have you heard me calling?" Leia accepts a cup of tea from C-3PO, as does Luke.

"What happened to you arm, 3PO?"

"Well, Master Luke, it is a very long story. It will take approximately two hours, seventeen minutes, and forty-three seconds for me to recount. You see—"

"C-3PO," Leia interrupts. "Later."

"As you wish, P—General."

"General now?"

"I have no home planet to call myself a princess of," Leia reminds her brother.

Luke clears his throat. "Leia—I'm so sorry—"

"So many years, Luke. So many years of—do you know how frantic I was? How worried?"

"I blamed myself, Leia," her brother whispers. "I couldn't face you."

"Neither could Han," Leia replies. "Until it was—almost too late."

"Rey told me what happened. I already knew, of course. I felt it."

"I told him to bring Ben home," Leia says. "If I hadn't, he might still—might still be—"

"You can't think that way, Leia."

She exhales. "You're right."

Luke blinks and sets his teacup down with a clatter. "Did you just say I'm right?"

"Don't try to laugh now, Luke. I'm still angry." She presses her hands together. "He's my son, Luke. He's all I have left of Han. Do you think there's any hope?" Her eyes search his. "Be honest. I'll know if you're not."

"There was always hope for Vader," Luke answers. "There may still be for Ben, too."

"I need him back. I don't care what he's done. He's my son and I want him home."

"I wanted the same for our father, too."

"And it happened."

"Yes. He made a choice. Ben might make it, too."

"I thought it anyone could get through to him, it'd be his father. I underestimated how angry he is with us. Vader changed because he loved Padme, and he saw her in you. Does Ben have anyone left he cares for like that?"

R2's chirps are her only answer.

"What about this girl? Rey?" Leia asks, changing the subject because if she speaks for one more second about her despair, it will choke her. "What was the point of having her retrieve Maz Kanata?"

"I don't quite know, myself," Luke admits. "The Light operates more in unknowns, in hopes, than the Dark Side. It was important, that much I felt."

"There's been chatter that the First Order is looking for her."

"She'll be all right." Luke reaches for Leia's hand, caressing it like a brother. "I was going to meet her back here. All along. I was going to come back, even before you called."


	8. Chapter 8

" _I'm worried about him, Luke!"_

_Ben's thrill at Mother's surprise visit churns into confusion. Why is she worried? He presses against the door._

_If she's worried, will she take him home?_

" _Did you hear what Ben said to that other child? To intimidate him?"_

" _Yes, Leia," Luke says wearily._

" _As if his grandfather being Darth Vader was something to be proud of—"_

" _He saved my—"_

" _Yes, we know, Luke. And he destroyed the parents who raised me, the home we had,_ my entire planet. _He was redeemed, but he lived most of his life in service to the Dark Side, and you can't deny that!" Mother sighs. "I worry about him, Luke. He shouldn't be invoking that name in any—"_

" _He's never shown any other interest in the Dark Side, Leia. I wouldn't worry."_

" _I am worried, Luke! I love him, but he's—he could be—dangerous. I can sense it."_

 _Ben's eyes sting. He stumbles backwards, staring at his hands._ Dangerous? Mother thinks I'm dangerous? Why?

" _Training with you is the best thing for him, I know that. Han thinks so, too."_

" _Have you spoken to Han about this?"_

" _No. Never. And you won't either, Luke Skywalker, I see that look!"_

" _Fine," mutters Uncle Luke._

" _Han doesn't understand the Force the way we do. I can't imagine what he'd say or do if he found out Ben taunted another kid about being descended from Darth Vader. Don't forget Vader froze him in carbonite."_

" _He'd be furious," Luke agrees. A tea kettle whistles._

Furious? _Why is being descended from Vader any worse than being descended from a smuggler? Ben wonders._

Is that why Father's not visiting? Will he ever visit? When he looks at me, does he think I'm just like Grandfather?

_Is it entirely bad to be like him? comes an unbidden thought._

_They just don't understand, Ben tells himself, but the label still chases him. Dangerous._ Dangerous. _Dangerous!_

No!

_Ben races out of the house. Rain beats down on him and he doesn't care until he inhales it, gulping and gasping and sobbing. He pounds his fist into the bruise on his thigh he'd been given last week._

" _You all right, young Jedi?"_

_Ben cranes his neck and lays eyes on the man who will introduce him to his future master._

_And then Ben's meeting with Snoke's representative in a nearby town every week, and he's convincing other Padawans to join the group Snoke suggested he also join: the Knights of Ren._

_The scene dissolves and another takes its place. A small girl, five years old maybe, throwing rocks at a tree as he leaves one of those meetings, intent on reporting back the every next day, as Luke has mentioned that his mentor, Darth Vader's mentor, left a daughter, and a force-sensitive granddaughter, and they will be visiting._

_One of the stones pelts his ankle._

" _Sorry," the girl says, eyes welling up. She clutches a doll dressed in orange, like one of the Rebellion's pilots._

_Ben shakes his head. "I'm not mad. Where's your mother? Your father?"_

" _There." She points to a tavern._

_Ben considers going inside and dragging her mother out, but instead he walks off. He hears her crying and doesn't turn back._

_And then the girl is gone, and Kylo Ren is lying down on the same walkway Han fell off of, bleeding and wheezing. The Starkiller's shaking, it's being torn asunder, and still Han's hand is the one reaching out to him._

" _You're dead!" he screams at his father, hating himself. "Go away! You're dead, you can't help me anymore!"_

Kylo lurches forward in his bunk, banging his head against the top. His nose feels swollen, and through the haze of waking up, he recalls a certain Wookiee landing another punch as soon as they'd staggered back onto the _Millennium Falcon._

_They were right. You are dangerous. You murdered him._

Kylo slams his fist into the same spot he'd hit in his dream, the place he'd been bruised almost twenty years ago.

BB-8 bleeps.

 _Dammit_. "Please don't tell them," Kylo pleads. "I'm not going to hit myself again, okay? Promise."

BB-8 blips and slips out of the room. Kylo lifts up his hands. _They're free._

_She knows you're not going back to Snoke. She knows you're afraid._

Of what, Kylo knows she doesn't know. Her words from the other night haunt him: _What else is there?_

_Your family._

He can't face his mother. He can't run, either, not when it would mean killing the last of Ben Solo. For so long Kylo thought it done, buried, abandoned. And now she's here, right in front of him, and he can't forget his act of mercy, and he doesn't want to sever that last link. Not even if it means all the accolades Snoke can give.

He hears voices coming from the cockpit and stands at a distance, listening.

Rey's voice, groggy and stilted, filters though. "I still think it's worth trying."

"That's because you're hung-over," Poe responds, his voice still somewhat slurred.

"I'm with Poe on this one," Finn adds. "Sorry, Rey. I'm not helping with that. It's a suicide mission."

"What's a suicide mission?" he asks, stepping into the cockpit. Chewie sniggers when he sees Kylo's nose.

"Nothing," Rey mutters, watching the stars wink as her head lolls to the side. Poe's on the floor, propped up against the back of Chewie's chair. Only Finn is fully upright and alert.

"You're just in a bad mood because you had to call the General and tell her we were going to be late," Rey says.

"She wasn't _mad_ ," Poe grumbles. "Disappointed, okay. Mad, not really. Maybe mad, okay, fine, mad, but not _visibly_ mad."

"It's like it's simmering below the surface, and she'll let you have it when she has the chance," Kylo supplies. Chewie chuckles.

Poe thrusts a finger into the air. "Exactly." As if he realizes whom he's agreeing with, he slouches back. "Sort of."

"Finn, will you help me?" Rey asks again.

"Girl, I've already told you! No. No. _No_. How many times do I have to say it?"

"We have to save her, Finn!" Rey shouts.

"The Resistance will! With the map. Everything will be fine!"

"Every day she spends in there—I know what that's like! And so do you, Poe." Rey glances at Kylo. A sick sensation spreads through his stomach.

"And they might kill her before—even you thought that, Poe—"

Finn grips his forehead. "Look, Rey, I do want to help Maz, I just don't think this is a good plan! And you know what? Even if I wanted to help you, I wouldn't be very useful. I can maybe talk you through getting _onto_ the damn ship but that's about all I can do!"

"What ship?" Kylo asks, even though he knows.

"Rey," Poe wheezes. "Has the _brilliant_ idea to be a personal savior for Maz Kanata, via _brilliantly_ sneaking on the _Finalizer_ , finding where she's imprisoned, and setting her free using the Force. Oh, and then escaping. It's _brilliant_ , ain't it?"

"If you say _brilliant_ one more time, I will stab you," Rey threatens.

"That," says Kylo. "Is a terrible idea."

Finn nods in approval.

"Why?" Rey demands.

"Snoke knows who you are. He'll want you." _Dead._

"I'm not going as myself," she scoffs. "I'd dress as a stormtrooper."

"And how are you going to know which regiment you're a part of?" Kylo demands. "And how are you going to deal with the fact that whomever your leader is will be wondering why there's a new number in their ranks that they haven't been informed of? And how are you going to escape when all the TIE fighters have extra security after what these two did?"

"Wait, really?" Finn sounds impressed. "We shook up the First Order, Poe!"

"That we did, buddy," Poe says, eyes glazed.

Rey turns around, locking gazes with Kylo.

"Oh no," says Finn.

"Fine then," Rey says. " _You_ help me."

* * *

Rey watches as Kylo's jaw drops and he clenches, unclenches, clenches his fists, looking very much like a small child about to be punished.

"No," he finally says.

"Why not?"

"Um, because he's our prisoner, Rey?" Finn interjects.

Poe finally snaps out from his stupor. "You don't think the minute he arrives he'll turn on you? Turn you in?"

Chewie roars.

Kylo almost seems to shrink at Poe's words. "I—I don't want to do that!"

" _Two days ago_ you were having a fit and screaming that you needed to get back to your master! You kicked my droid! You—" Poe staggers to his feet, jabbing his finger at Kylo as if it's a weapon.

"But he stopped them from killing me!" Rey shouts. "You really think he's going to just turn me in so they can kill me on—"

" _Does_ Snoke want to kill you? Or does he want to turn you to the Dark Side like this guy tried to persuade you to do?" Poe demands. He tries to step forward and almost loses his footing.

"And I refused." _I won't fail,_ Rey tells herself. Which is why she needs to do this. "I need to do this. It might be reckless, but I feel it. Through the Force. I'm _meant_ to do this."

_You're no one._

_No,_ Rey answers. _No, that is_ not _true._

"You might not refuse if he's torturing you day in and day out!" Poe rails. A shadow of something— _shame?—_ falls over Poe's face.

"Poe," Rey says, breathing deeply. "This isn't about what happened before."

"Yes, it is!"

"I doubt he'd be successful."

Poe drags his hand through his hair and down his face as if that can wipe away all the agony.

"Poe," Finn begins. "Poe, Rey has the Force. She can resist that crazy mind thing. It's not weakness that you couldn't—"

"I _know_!" Poe yells. "I just—I can't lose someone else. Another friend. I can't." Voice strangled, he turns to Rey.

"Why are we even debating this?" Kylo interrupts. "I won't do it. We'll be back with… the Resistance by the end of today. I'll face whatever justice they have for me. That's it."

Disgust swells within Rey. "You are such a _coward_ ," she seethes.

Jaw trembling, he gapes at her.

"You _are!"_ she accuses. "Don't you get it, Ben?"

"Don't call me that!" he cries, hands flying up as if to block her words.

Rey's anger, bottled up for so long, explodes. Forget trying to control it. Or maybe she is controlling it and it'll do some good for once. "It's your goddamn _name_ , so yes, I'm gonna call you that. But Ben, what don't you get? You have the Force. No matter what you do or where you run or which prison you rot in—even if you let them execute you, you'll always have that power. You can't escape that!"

"I'm not trying to—"

"The Dark Side almost killed you," Rey continues, nodding to his healing shoulder. "That blaster shot—and don't pretend it was someone from Takodana again, I can see through that—your nightmares, all of it. The Force didn't bring you what you wanted, so you want to run."

Finn glances at Rey and then at Kylo— _Ben_. She's done calling him by Snoke's moniker.

"Snoke told you killing your father would end the war inside you, right, _Ben?_ Well, it didn't. You know it and I know it—hell, everyone on this ship knows it. Even BB-8. You have both Han and Leia inside you whether you like it or not. The Light's there. It's in your blood, and _it will follow you and pester you until you listen to it!"_

"How is turning myself in not listening to the Light?" Ben fires back. "I can't be a hero. I'm not—" He waves his arm. "I'm not strong enough! If I go back to that ship, Snoke will—he'll know. And he'll convince me to kill you! Rey—I care about you. You saved my life on Takodana. I don't want to repay you by killing you!"

She knows there's more to it than that. His debt should already be paid. But now is not the time to press that issue. "You won't if you let the Light in," Rey says through gritted teeth. "And you already know that, no matter how powerful Snoke is, you won't do that. Why, I don't even know, but you know it." She steps closer to him. He backs into the wall, almost cowering in front of her. "That fear you have? That's the remnants of the Dark Side. The hope? That's the Light. Hold onto it. Live up to your name. Make your father proud."

"I can't. I killed him." A tear runs down his cheek.

Poe's mouth is agape. So is Finn's. Chewie keeps glancing over his shoulder and BB-8 is silent, but watching.

"Make it right."

Ben laughs: a broken, bitter sound. He slides to the floor. "I can't bring him back, Rey."

Rey shakes her head. "He died trying to bring you back to the Light. If you do come back, I think he'd say it was worth it."

"He wouldn't. I always disappointed him." Ben covers his face, but they can all hear him crying.

"So," Rey says, gently now as she kneels in front of him. "Make him proud." She swallows, praying for wisdom from the Force. "The traits that made you so powerful in the Dark Side will make you even more powerful in the Light. Be a hero. Help me save Maz." She grips his knees. "Help me, Ben Solo. You're my only hope."

Shoulders shaking, Ben lets her pry his fingers away from his face, allowing her to see his swollen eyes, his tears, his broken nose: all evidence of the deep shame that burrowed in him for so long, the shame he almost convinced himself wasn't there at times but poisoned his dreams.

Rey's fingers touch his face, tracing his cheek the same way Han did before he plunged into that pit. But she's here, whole, breathing, and she's not going to fall. _Please wake up. Stop being afraid._


	9. Chapter 9

"This will enable you to track us," Rey informs Finn and Poe as she readies herself to climb into the escape pod. "And if you press this button here, we'll be able to talk to each other."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Poe mutters.

"Tell the General that I've gone to rescue Maz, and that you couldn't stop me." She remembers Luke's words when he told her about leaving Yoda to save his friends. _That was a trap._

 _This is not,_ she reminds herself.

"Rey…" Finn grips her shoulders. "Do you really think he's fully on the Light side? I mean, he's pretty obviously torn, but is that over?"

Trepidation curls and fizzles in her fingertips. "Probably not," she admits. "But I think he'll choose it." The shame she saw in his face… he doesn't want the darkness, not anymore. And—

"You're risking an awful lot for what you _think_ will happen."

"It's not just what I think," she tries to explain. "It's also—it's the Force, Finn. I feel it strongly. I feel the Light in him. And—" She presses the metal button sewn into the collar of her black shirt, and suddenly her voice comes both from her mouth and from the small ball-like thing in Finn's hand. "You'll know if something goes wrong."

Ben appears, dressed fully in his mended (thanks to Finn) Kylo Ren robes. Minus the mask.

Finn scowls. BB-8 rolls over to Ben's legs and rams into his knees, blipping and bleeping anxiously. _Keep her safe. Or else…_

"What's it saying?" Finn asks.

Ben kneels down, looking into the droid's head. "I' will."

 _Stay safe yourself,_ BB-8 adds.

"Droid, what are you saying?" Finn cries in exasperation as Ben nods.

"I'll try."

"Nothing to worry about," Rey says lightly. "Ready?"

Thanks to Han's smuggling career, the escape pod comes with a tiny compartment just large enough for Rey to squeeze into. "Three knocks is the signal," she reminds Ben, who nods.

"It might be several hours," he warns.

"That's fine." As soon as she lowers herself into the compartment, though, doubts assail her. What if he doesn't come? What if someone discovers her in the meantime?

"I'll be ready and waiting with stormtrooper tips," Finn says in an attempt to reassure her.

Chewie, baring his teeth in his most menacing face, roars and shoves Ben against the wall. Ben mutters something to him, and Chewie lets him go, still snarling.

"No, don't punch him, Chewie," Rey calls, her voice muffled. "I need him."

"Hey, Ren, Kylo, Ben, whatever you're calling yourself now," Poe says. "If you ruin my reputation with your mother because I have to kill you, I'm gonna be pissed."

Ben pauses at the entrance to the exit pod. "I'm sorry for using the Force against you."

Poe blinks. "Wait, what?"

Ben climbs inside, and they soar off to find Maz Kanata.

"Chances of success?" Poe prompts, his hand resting on Finn's shoulder.

"I'm not going to gamble on that. There's too much at stake." Finn turns to his friend and sees the same concern in Poe's eyes. Suddenly, he's more than aware of Poe's hand on his shoulder, and something lurches inside him. BB-8 whirs behind them. "Poe—"

"We should call the General," Poe interrupts, breaking away from Finn. "Ouch, BB-8! Why did you sting me?"

"Do you think he meant it?" Finn calls, traipsing behind Poe towards the cockpit. "That he was sorry?"

"If he didn't," Poe says grimly as he fiddles with the radio. "We're in trouble."

"The General's going to kill us," Finn says to Poe.

"Slaughter us," he confirms.

Chewie whimpers.

* * *

The moment the escape pod crosses the _Finalizer's_ radar, the Star Destroyer begins reeling it in.

Kylo sucks in his breath. Within the hour, he'll know. He'll know whether Snoke despises him or wants him back, he'll know whether he'll grasp the Light or tumble back into the Darkness, he'll know whether Ben Solo lives or dies.

He desperately wants to choose the Light, choose life for Ben Solo, for Rey. He _needs_ to.

Of course, the last time he told himself he _needed_ to do something, he set himself up for months of unending nightmares.

_Will you help me?_

_Anything._

_Take the lightsaber, he wanted to cry aloud. Take it, take it now, don't hesitate—and the light vanished, and determination, ambition, fury squeezed out hope and stabbed his father._

_That was a lie. This is the truth._

What if he can't control himself? Uncle Luke always told him that was his greatest weakness, and Snoke, Snoke told him not to be afraid of himself. _Controlling your powers in the way the Jedi want isn't necessary. Let them out. Let them free. That's true control._

_If everyone could be free like that, free to express themselves, we'd have a lot less war, wouldn't we? It's the Jedi—they claim the Light is a path to peace, but when has it ever brought peace?_

Snoke's voice slithers through Kylo. He shudders.

"Ben?" Rey's voice chases it away.

"You okay?" he questions. They're almost inside.

"Yeah. A little cramped. Please just—don't let them destroy the pod with me on it."

"I won't." A simple promise. He needs to keep it. He must.

 _Traitor._ Snoke again.

"May the Force be with you," Rey whispers.

The pod disappears inside. "Three knocks," Kylo says to her, to himself, as the clatter of stormtroopers and clicks of blasters surround the pod.

"Hands up!"

"It's me!" Kylo shouts, surprised by how easily fury saturates his tone. Even without the mask to distort it, his voice carries authority. " _You_ should be putting your hands up."

"Kylo Ren?" Captain Phasma's voice rings out.

Kylo thrusts the door open and storms out. What if she was in on it? With Hux?

"Hux told us—"

Kylo uses the force to freeze Phasma. "Whatever that traitor told you, it's a lie," he says.

"We also heard that—" another stormtrooper begins. Kylo freezes her as well.

"Do exactly as I say," he orders, heart thumping, feeling alive as he hasn't in weeks and more terrified than he's felt in years. "You will tell General Hux that I am back, and he is to meet me in front of Snoke. Immediately, if he wants to survive."

"And the pod?" ekes out Phasma as Kylo loosens his hold.

"Put it in storage. I commandeered it from a Resistance ship."

"Resistance?" Phasma gasps.

"Yes. My father's ship." Kylo strides away, cape billowing behind him. He can't afford to look back at the pod… at Rey.

Each step he takes towards his meeting with Snoke is a battle of wills. _Give in—seek his approval—but Rey—your father—_

 _You kept Rey from Snoke for the past fifteen years. Just keep her from him a little longer,_ he tells himself, clenching his fists, biting his tongue. Blood tastes foul instead of soothing, and he spits it out.

_Maybe this is control: taking small steps._

He's not positive, but it's possible Mother said something along those lines to him, long ago.

"Kylo Ren!" gasps a stormtrooper as he stalks past.

Kylo fires up his lightsaber, and the stormtrooper almost trips in his haste to get away. He uses the Force to fling open the doors to the main control room, where the admirals stand in shock. Hux isn't here. Too bad.

He doesn't say anything, but slashes several of the panels they're working on, but it's fake this time—the fury usually present flickers instead of raging. But he needs to do it, needs them to be afraid. Approaching them, marching through the ship, without his mask makes him feel naked. _Hide your emotions. Hide your fear._

He's never been good at that. Hence, the mask.

His master, the creature Kylo has given everything to for the past fifteen years, and bits and pieces of his body and soul for years before that, rises in hologram before him. He is smaller than he was on the Starkiller Base, cramped as this room is inside the _Finalizer_.

"Kylo Ren," muses Snoke. "Hux tried to tell me you were dead, but I felt in the Force that wasn't the case."

 _Hux. You hate Hux. Focus on your anger, your hate. Snoke cannot sense the Light again._ "Did he tell you what made him think so?" Kylo asks.

"Supreme—" Hux's voice falters when he sees Kylo. "Ren! So it's true—you are back."

"No thanks to you," Kylo retorts, and his fuse snaps. Hux's feet fly into the air, and Kylo drags him closer, hovering above the floor with his eyes bulging as he battles for air.

Snoke watches it all. Kylo turns to him. "General Hux shot me on Takodana."

"Is this true?"

"Well—" Hux struggles to speak. "He—I did—he was—"

Kylo could kill him. Snoke might even be expecting it. It'd be the perfect cover…

_Choose the Light._

Kylo throws Hux to the ground, watches the man scream and writhe as his elbow shatters against the floor.

 _Focus on your anger, not compassion._ Kylo kicks at the man's face, and Hux scuttles away.

"Enough," Snoke drawls. "General: in your efforts to preserve the First Order, you have almost severely weakened it. Kylo Ren alone holds the key to powering the First Order. Not you. You, for all your brilliance, are far more expendable."

Hux splutters, alternating between glowering at Kylo and looking with worshipful terror at his mentor.

"Go," Snoke orders, voice quiet and horrifying. "And I will decide what to do with you."

Hux scrambles to his feet, clutching his elbow as he limps out.

Alone, Kylo faces his master. _You hate Hux. You even hate Snoke. Hate. Hate. Hate._ He cannot let any other emotion pass through him.

"I heard you saved that Jedi girl."

"From _Hux_?" Distaste drips from his voice. "That blaster bolt was headed for me." It almost disturbs him how lies still barely prick his conscience.

"So you were with her."

"Yes. When I was wounded, she took me. Of course, I could have escaped far earlier, but she was in the ship I grew up riding in. It does not belong to her. She has no rights to it."

"And why would you want it?" Snoke prompts.

"Because the Resistance will hold it as a shrine to the old Rebellion, as blasphemy against Darth Vader," Kylo says.

"And did you take it from her?"

"Not yet. I will. And I will kill her when I do." The most blatant lie.

Snoke regards him without a word.

 _Hate. Hate. Hate._ He needs something bitter, something darker. Memories flash through him, but none of the right kind, and yet as he searches, he can't find the ones of disappointment, the ones that usually ignite his fuse, his determination not to fail…

" _Our newest pupil!" Luke clutches the hands of the small girl Ben recognizes from the last night. "Well, next year, anyways."_

" _Uncle?"_

" _The granddaughter of my father's tutor," Luke says. "Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben, you're named for him. He took that name—"_

" _I know the story," Ben interrupts._

_Luke frowns. "Show her around, won't you?"_

_The girl is quieter than a ghost as he walks around, gesturing half-heartedly to the lodgings, the training fields. They're almost back to where Luke and the girl's mother are talking when Ben hears the girl sniffling._

_Groaning inside, he kneels down. "You okay?"_

_She shakes her head. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to come here."_

_Ben softens. He remembers saying the same to his mother, to his father, and yet they insisted he come. "It's not so bad."_

" _I've told her, but she won't listen."_

" _I didn't want to come either, at first," Ben says. "But I did, and I've learned a lot…" Albeit much of what he's learned isn't from Luke._

" _Why won't she listen?" The little girl's eyes are wide and rimmed with red._

" _I don't know," Ben answers honestly. "She should. I wish she would."_

" _Are people nice here?"_

" _Sometimes."_

" _Will you be my teacher?"_

_He laughs. "I can help."_

_She hugs her doll to her chest._

" _Where's your home planet?" Ben asks._

" _Mm." The girl shrugs. "We move a lot." She names several planets, including Jakku._

" _Hey, Ben," a nasally voice interrupts. Grimacing, he looks up into the face of his nemesis._

" _Hey, little girl," says Direnc, nodding to her. "You going to train here?"_

" _I guess," she mumbles._

" _She's Obi-Wan Kenobi's granddaughter," Ben informs him._

" _Really?" Direnc's eyes widen. "Well then. I hope she lives up to the hype." He winks at her. "Because, between you and me, there's another padawan here who hasn't really lived up to—"_

" _Shut up," Ben hisses._

" _If you're supposed to be a Jedi," the girl says. "Why aren't you nice?"_

_Direnc blinks. "It was just a joke!"_

" _It wasn't funny. You should say you're sorry." She crosses her arms._

" _I'm not apologizing to a girl with a doll," he scoffs, striding away._

" _That was brave of you," Ben says to the girl, hoping to encourage her._

_She grins, but her joy evaporates almost instantly. "I really don't want to come here now."_

_That night he'd told Snoke they needed to move up their assault. "I overheard Luke saying that there's a student coming who's more powerful than I am."_

" _Impossible," growls Snoke, the mentor Ben always wished Luke was, the only being who thinks Ben is special, gifted and destined for greatness, instead of dangerous. It's Snoke who decreed Ben hold back in his training, lure his fellow padawans into a false sense of security… "But…"_

_Two months later, Kylo Ren strikes down all the boys and girls who refused to join the Knights of Ren. Hate becomes him, he becomes hate as he watches the smug boy who made fun of him cry and plead, only to be offered no mercy… Possessed by a wild glee, slick and sticky, he laughs in his uncle's face as Luke screams and screams, pleads, the name of someone who no longer exists…_

_And yet, even as he surveys the fallen bodies of his comrades, there's a glimmer. The girl. She's not here, and now she never will be. He never tries to find her. Eventually, Snoke concludes Luke's words were all myth._

_It's not altruism that causes Kylo to spare her. It's more that when he sees her eyes, her fear, her distrust of her mother, he sees himself._

And Kylo hates himself for it. _There._

"You may go." Snoke dismisses him.

Kylo bows, and as he leaves that room, the cold hate splinters and falls away, replaced with a fire to help Rey. Before he heads to the pod, he pauses in his chambers, which he observes were not disturbed even in his absence.

Darth Vader's helmet rests before him, and for the first time since Snoke portrayed the man's final acts as sentiment and Kylo swallowed that belief, he considers that maybe Anakin Skywalker might not have wanted him to destroy the Jedi. Destroy his son. Maybe it had been more than just _sentiment_ , maybe that sentiment—that love—was more than just a momentary thing that happened to end the Sith lord's life, but transformed him in those moments. Maybe there was regret, some trust in his son for atonement…

"If you've ever heard me," Kylo says aloud. "And you've ever cared, help me. Help me help Rey. Help me help… your son."

* * *

"What do you mean, she's gone to rescue Maz?" Leia's heart thuds inside her chest. She remembers the trap Vader set for her brother all too well. Could this be a similar trap set by none other than her son?

"By herself?" Luke roars.

"Luke!" Poe exclaims. "You're back!"

"You sent her off to find Maz by herself," Finn points out.

"With _you_ and BB-8 and Chewie. Oh, hi, Chewie. Looks like you're all here while she's out there!" Luke yells. Leia puts a hand on his arm.

"Listen, Poe, Finn, we just want to understand," she implores. "Why did she go alone? There's got to be more to this story."

"There is," Finn confirms, glancing at Poe.

"Trust us," Poe says wearily. "It's better explained in person. We'll be back tomorrow—we'll explain then. I promise. Okay?"

"No. It is not okay. I am the General and—" What if Rey kills her son? Leia wouldn't be able to blame her. Worse, what if Ben kills Rey? Could Luke survive that? Could she?


	10. Chapter 10

One knock. Two. Three.

Rey crawls out of the hole, rubbing her back and gasping as her muscles unfurl.

"Here." Ben thrusts stormtrooper armor at her, turning his back to allow her privacy. "You are RK-2238. Got that?"

Her eyes scour the room, littered with blasters, parts for ships, and. A TIE fighter wing leans, broken at the frame, against the escape pod. _No one's here. He kept his word._

"RK-2238," she repeats, shimmying into the black pants. Her shirt, with its crucial radio pinned to the collar, stays on under the black stormtrooper shirt. "Got it."

"You'll take a shift guarding Maz tomorrow. Phasma will tell you precisely when. I couldn't addle the computers to get it any sooner without alarming someone. I'll order you to bring Maz to me, and we'll go." Rey suspects he's repeating the plan more for his own benefit than hers.

"On your ship, right?" Rey asks, struggling to clamp on parts of the armor. "Oh, come on!"

"Are you all right?" he asks uncertainly.

Rey huffs. "You can turn around now. Actually, do turn around. Help me with this." The chest plate will _not_ click into place. "How do they wear these things?"

He smiles in amusement as he fiddles with the armor, snapping it into place. "Practice. They're not used to anything else."

She exhales. "Thanks." She feels him placing more armor on her shoulders. "I can do that!"

"Can you?" But he retreats.

She tries and looks back at him.

He steps close again. "See this? This is where it attaches. You'll need to know how to get it off and on, especially since your division has sleep scheduled later."

"Thanks," she mumbles, face flushing inexplicably. "Is the drama with Hux going to be the diversion we hoped?"

Ben crouches down to grab the helmet, straightening up to gently lower it over her head. "We'll see."

"Where's your helmet?"

"Unless I'm mistaken, still on Takodana."

"Oh right." Her voice sounds muffled, unfamiliar even to her. "I kicked it."

Through the mask, she sees him smile again before taking her arm to escort her out of the room. He places a blaster in her hands and points her in the right direction. "Your division answers to Captain Phasma. You used to be in sanitation. This promotion is a godsend for you."

She nods. "See you."

"See you," he echoes. She can feel him watching her for a moment before the harsh clip-clap of his boots indicates he's striding away.

Rey presses the button on her collar. "Finn, I'm in."

"Good," comes the reply.

"How's everybody?"

"Moseying back to D'Qar. Attempting to delay the General going all Starkiller on us and annihilating us. She's not pleased. Neither is L—your master. He's there."

"How much did you tell her?"

Poe's voice comes through. "We're keeping the information about a certain someone classified. For now."

 _Because you still don't trust him_. Rey doesn't blame them, but it irritates her nonetheless. "Well, just make sure you're there before us so that they don't shoot our ship out of the sky when we get out of here," she snaps. "I've got to go. Any last minute tips?"

"You are no one," Finn replies. "Be a number. Be no one."

"You must be RK-2238," the tall Captain Phasma observes in a disdainful voice when Rey reports for duty. Her chrome armor reflects a white blob that Rey knows is her. "Up from sanitation?" She swears.

How would an ordinary stormtrooper respond? "This promotion is—"

"Get in line," Phasma orders.

_Apparently, not like that._

"Did she say you're up from sanitation?" hisses another stormtrooper.

"Yes," Rey answers, as robotically as she can.

"The last guy we had up from sanitation turned out to be a _traitor_ ," the girl whispers.

Rey stiffens. "I am no traitor." She isn't. Not to her cause. Not to the Light.

"Oh, leave her alone," says another stormtrooper, a male. "You don't have to always threaten the newbies. Besides, that guy worked sanitation on the Starkiller Base. Not the _Finalizer_."

Everything is metallic on this Star Destroyer, Rey realizes. It's not just Phasma's armor. The walls, the floors, the ceilings, but it's dull enough to only reflect a distorted image of the stormtroopers as they patrol. She finds it disorienting.

Rey tries to imitate her peers in every move they make, but it's more of a struggle than she thought. _They're less like clones than you'd think._ Certainly since knowing Finn, Rey has thought there was potential for more stormtroopers to break free from their conditioning. While she doubts any of those in her regiment are ready for that, the different personalities that emerge as Rey trains with them—some help her, some mock her, some are slower and others are faster, as she eats with them—some are loud, some are quiet, some talk and some focus solely on their food as if eating were merely another duty, as she works with them, tell her that this General Hux and his conditioning aren't nearly as successful as he thinks. No matter how brainwashed they might be, there are innate traits that will never be stamped out.

"Did you hear about Kylo Ren's return?" whispers the girl stormtrooper who snapped at Rey earlier. VS-809.

_How do I respond? "How wonderful?" "How odd?"_

"I heard it was Hux," whispers the boy stormtrooper, MJ-9936. "That he betrayed Ren."

"Wouldn't want to be in Hux's shoes," mutters VS-809. "Remember that time he destroyed that cell on the Starkiller after that scavenger girls escaped?"

 _Shit._ "He did?" Rey asks.

"Let's just say you better hope no one ever asks you to give Kylo Ren bad news," opines MJ-9936.

"Ren will have to wait to hear from the Supreme Leader. He takes orders just like the rest of us."

"You were on the Starkiller base?" Rey asks. _They must have escaped with Hux… and Kylo. Ben._

VS-809 gives her a strange look. "Yes."

"Don't look now," whispers MJ-9936. "But Hux is _here_."

Rey and VS-809 all crane their necks to see a slight, red-haired man with one arm dangling in a sling yelling at Phasma.

"It's dangerous to be seen with you. Go," she hears Phasma boom, jerking away from him.

"Danger— _I am the top general on board this ship!"_ Hux spews, voice and one arm shaking as rage claws its way through the veneer of calm he tries to keep on.

"If the rumors of what you did to Kylo Ren are true, I doubt that will be the case for much longer," Phasma responds.

"How dare you!"

"This may be the last we see of each other. If it is, I daresay I won't regret it," Phasma says.

" _You_ —" Venom twists his voice. A blaster clicks, and Rey aims at him before she realizes every other stormtrooper is staring at her.

"Put that down, RK-2238," Phasma sighs. "And get out of my sight, General."

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

Hux scowls and holsters his weapon. As he scampers off, Phasma marches over and grabs Rey's arm., yanking her up and out of the eating area. She throws Rey into the wall.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"He was threatening you." Rey resists the urge to gasp out her answer. _Pathological. Be calm, emotionless,_ Finn advised her.

"I can certainly handle him better than _you_."

Rey feels stung. _Don't react. Become no one._ Since her journey with Finn, Ben, and Kylo, the constant echo you're no one has quieted. Ironic, she reflects, that she needs it back. "Yes, Captain."

 _Only twelve more hours._ And then she'll be Rey again, she'll grab Maz and they'll escape with Ben, mission accomplished. In a roundabout way.

She wonders about Ben, where he is, if he's had to see Snoke again. _Hold on,_ she thinks. _Just a little longer, and we'll be free._

Rey hasn't been around Snoke, but the First Order tugs at her even without the direct influence of the Force. Everything is ordered, uniform. Except the troopers, and not for lack of trying. As the hours tick past and the other troopers sleep, Rey lies awake, reminding herself over and over: _You're Rey. You're here to save Maz. On a mission from Luke._

Rey crawls out of her bunk, slipping past the sleeping troopers, hand hovering over her collar and the hidden radio. When she's around the corner, she leans against the wall and presses the button. "Finn?"

"Rey!" She's set the volume so low she has to strain to hear it. "How's it—"

"One more hour until we're supposed to get up," she whispers. "And that's when my shift is. Guarding."

"Good." Relief sighs from Finn's barely audible voice.

"We'll be landing at the Resistance base in about an hour, and we'd like to have some good news for the General. To preserve ourselves, you know," comes Poe's wry voice.

"How's Ky—he?" Finn asks.

"Last I saw, fine." A swishing noise cuts through the corridor to her right, and Rey freezes for a moment. When no further sounds come, she adds: "We'll meet up soon, and then we'll—"

"Just whom are you meeting up with?" The voice slithers around her. Rey gasps.

_The Force, use—_

Something heavy slams into her face with a crack. The last thing Rey processes is a pale hand digging under her collar, tearing out her miniature radio still echoing with the frantic cries of her friends and crushing it against the floor.

* * *

Gazing at the stars doesn't offer Kylo any peace right now. Instead of luring him into meditation, as Snoke encouraged, the lights only remind him what lies ahead. Keeping Rey safe. Heading to the Resistance base and facing his mother, who knows what he did to Han.

_Does she think I lured him out there, onto the bridge, solely with the intention of killing him?_

_Partially, you did,_ he reminds himself.

_And partially, I didn't._

If only he had accepted his father's invitation. _We miss you._

 _I miss you, too, Father,_ he thinks. _I missed you then and I miss you now. And Mother. So much…_

His fists tighten against the railing. Does Mother also think he wanted to use the Starkiller weapon? He didn't. It was never his idea, and, devoted to Snoke as he was, a part of him felt relieved when he found out it hadn't destroyed the Resistance's base. And now…

_She'll think I wanted her dead, just like I wanted Father dead._

Hanging his head, Kylo contemplates whether he can ever shed this darkness. He never protested Hux's use of the weapon because he didn't want Snoke to see the Light.

Will she still believe he can change? She certainly doesn't miss him after this.

_I still miss her._

The door opens behind him. "Phasma," Kylo growls without turning around, hand on his lightsaber. "Have your troopers bring Maz Kanata to me."

"Whatever for?"

 _Hux._ Kylo's ire sparks as he whirls around. He does not have time to deal with this insufferable—

Hux throws a barely conscious Rey to the ground. Blood drips down her face and the chest of her white uniform. Her hands are bound, her mouth gagged.

"I've found her," Hux announces. "The girl. The one who stole your ship. It seems she followed you." Suspicion oozes from his words.

Kylo's face twitches. "That's impossible." _Stay calm._ His mind races. If he can talk his way out of this, he can rescue Rey and Maz together _…_

"And yet this girl always seems to do the impossible," Hux remarks, shoulders straight, tone demure now.

And he withdraws a long knife, twirling it around. Rey's eyes follow the gleaming blade in unmistakable terror.

_We've failed. This plan failed. Leave her, go back to Snoke._

_No!_ He can do this. It will have to be him, by himself, no one helping him. He can do it. He must do it. For Rey. For his mother.

He hears her voice, encouraging him. _Be a hero._

"We shall inform Snoke immediately," he says to Hux. "He will be pleased."

"Shouldn't we do away with her first?" Hux prompts.

"No. We need the Supreme Leader's wisdom. She could prove valuable—"

"That's exactly what you said last time. And look where it got us. The Starkiller destroyed. The—"

"How typical, coming from you." Kylo waves his hand. "Bring the girl here." He can't make eye contact with Rey. It would blow his cover. _Please believe I'm not betraying you, please believe in me…_

"What do you mean by 'typical?'" Hux demands.

Kylo flares his lightsaber, hoping the red light will intimidate the General. "An ordinary human who does not understand the mysteries of the Force," Kylo says. "Bring her here. I will not ask again. You know I can—"

"I am _sick_ of what you can do," Hux informs him. " _I_ will handling this, the same way I handled everything after you let a blaster shot weaken you!"

 _Calm. Calm. Calm._ "Weaken, but not kill, as you no doubt intended," Kylo points out.

" _I'm making the decisions!"_

"No," says a new voice, haunting and cool. "I am."

Both Kylo and Hux fall to their knees. "Supreme Leader."

Kylo's heart quivers. _Here. He's here._ _On this ship._

The Supreme Leader, smaller than Hux by a head, glides over to Rey, laying his fingers on her skin. Her mouth might be gagged, but Kylo can still feel her screaming. "She is strong with the Force," he concludes, standing and sliding like a ghost back towards Kylo.

"Yes," Kylo breathes. "We can train her—we can—"

"She is of the Light."

"So was I." It takes all of his self control not to look at Rey when he admits that. _Fallen so far… it's too late… too far gone…_

"You always had the Darkness in you."

"She does too. Everyone does."

"We have no need of her. You are powerful enough." Snoke turns to Hux, and Kylo knows what he's going to say before he says it, those same words Kylo has uttered about countless men, women, even children, the words he knows his grandfather uttered, the words he'd never fully contemplated the meaning of until he stabbed his own father.

_But you knew, didn't you? You always knew. It's why you saved her._

"Kill her," Snoke orders Hux.

 _Help me, Grandfather!_ Ben prays wildly. He knows it's hopeless, knows they are both going to die, and he doesn't care about this creature he served for years, sacrificed anything for, any more. He summons the Force and blasts Hux against the wall. The blade flies through the air, clattering against the floor.

Suddenly Ben can't breathe. Can't move. Every muscle paralyzed, he hears Hux choke out: _"I told you, Supreme Leader."_

"You've never defied my orders before," Snoke murmurs. Ben can't see him stepping closer, but he feels it: the cold mist that follows wherever Snoke goes. "What is this?" He pries open Ben's mind, ripping through everything—Ben's shame, his sentiment, his regret. Frozen, there's nothing Ben can do to stop it.

"The Light." Ben has never heard the Supreme Leader speak like this before. Rage blusters throughout it. "To think I thought you had potential. Perhaps you still do. We will see."

The paralysis releases with a snap, and Ben falls to the floor. He lifts his head to see Rey, still alive, reach out for him.

"May I?" comes Hux's too-tranquil voice.

Hux's boot descends, smashing him in the face, ribs, his knees and his elbows, beating him into nothingness.


	11. Chapter 11

Finn won't stop shaking. Chewie pounds everything in sight except the machinery keeping them alive, while BB-8 rolls around electrocuting random chairs and unfortunate tables. When the hologame table turns on, BB-8 electrocutes the Dejarik characters.

And Poe? He has nothing else to do but land the _Millennium Falcon_ at last, while crafting how to break the news to General Organa.

Hatred rages inside Poe as the _Millennium Falcon_ descends. It's a hatred more powerful than when he'd found out Han died, than when Kylo Ren murdered Lor San Tekka in front of him, than when Kylo Ren tore his mind apart. All the things he would like to do to that man…

"She escaped before," Finn says weakly. "She can do it again."

Chewie howls, grabbing a leftover plate and bashing it against the doorframe until it crumples. Finn clutches his arms.

"Yeah, I'm sure they're going to be as lax as last time," Poe says bitterly as the land grows in front of him. The greenness annoys him. The trees have no right to stand upright, so perky, as if everything was fine and dandy and the sun was worth enjoying. "Now they'll know we have that map, they'll know—they'll know _everything!"_

"Rey won't give them _everything_! She has the Force!"

"Which is why she's a danger to them! She's a risk, Finn! Don't you get it? They want to destroy the Jedi. She _is_ a Jedi, trained or not. _They're going to kill her!"_ Poe yells as the Millennium Falcon slams into the ground. Not his smoothest landing. Poe doesn't care.

BB-8 bloops, head drooping as it prepares to disembark. Poe can just imagine what the droid's utterly dejected appearance will convey to the General before she even sees their ashen faces or hears the story.

"I knew it was a bad idea," Poe says to Finn as he stands. "I should have stopped her."

Finn swallows.

The General, pale and with her lips in a thin line that only signifies one thing, waits at the base.

"BB-8! Oh, it's good to see you," gushes C-3PO as the droid rolls right past, straight towards R2-D2, and begins beeping and whirring.

"Are you all right?" a grizzled man asks.

 _Luke_. For some reason Poe has always pictured the famous Jedi more imposing, more powerful. The man's gentle appearance makes Poe feel even worse, even more ashamed. He wants to pound himself like Kylo did, find pain to keep him going. But the only pain he feels isn't from a visible wound.

Chewie is silent, but breathes heavily as if trying to control his fury. He fails. With a roar, Chewie kicks an empty wooden crate, sending planks flying and pilots ducking for cover.

"WHAT?" shrieks C-3PO. "Surely you don't mean— _oh_ , it's so _horrible!"_

"We need to talk," Poe manages. Clearly, no one else is willing to speak except the droid, to whom Poe would give his arms to if it would shut the thing up.

"Princess!" wails C-3PO. "BB-8 says—"

" _We'll tell her!"_ Poe snarls. "You—be quiet!"

Chewie moans.

The General and the Jedi lead them inside, into a small room with cushioned seats. Finn and Chewie both sink into them. General Leia perches on the edge of one. Luke and Poe stand. The door is closed. Poe's glad of that. He doesn't want the other officers to hear his humiliation just yet. He can already picture their reactions: _how could you be so naïve? He tortured you! You've single-handedly undermined everything we've worked for!_

Luke breaks the silence. "Did Rey get caught?"

A lump forms in Poe's throat, strangling his voice. He nods.

"Oh no," Leia breathes. She's worried about two people, and Poe needs to give her the worst about one of them.

"There's more to the story," Poe chokes out. "A lot more. I'm—" He meets Luke's eyes, Leia's. "I'm so sorry." He hopes they demote him. He deserves it. Ground duty for the foreseeable future. A slap in the face. Something, anything.

"What happened?" Leia asks, her voice strong and demanding.

Poe struggles to speak. "Rey needed help to get on board."

"Obviously," Luke says. He looks at Frinn.

"Hey, no, it wasn't me," Finn says, holding his hands up. He lowers his eyes. "I wish it had been, though."

"She had help from—" He can't look at the General. Or Luke. "Kylo Ren."

"What?" Leia whispers.

" _What?"_ Luke booms.

Poe delves into all of it, looking to Finn for the first part about Rey finding Kylo wounded in the words, dragging him onto the ship as a prisoner. Poe tells about their escape from the Besalisks, Kylo saving Rey's life, his fits of temper, how he hurt himself and how he blew up blasters to protect Finn from the Hutt. How he'd genuinely seemed to give up his quest to the depth of the Dark Side, how _tired_ he said he was of it, how that exhaustion showed on his face. How Rey formed that hare-brained plan and begged him for help. Poe leaves out the fact that she'd used Leia's words. And how she had radioed them twice from the _Finalizer_ , first to say everything was working out, Kylo was helping her, and then when they'd heard that horrible voice and those thuds and lastly, nothing.

"He betrayed her," Luke supplies.

"Yes."

"We think so," Finn interjects. "To be fair, her plan was not a foolproof one."

"Oh, shut up, Finn!" Poe exclaims. " _You know_ , and _I know_ , and _Chewie_ knows: he betrayed her. He manipulated us, all of us. That's what he does! He's a manipulative, traitorous—he's too far gone in the Dark Side, and we should've—how could we—"

Chewie moans and punches the chair.

Poe covers his eyes, pressing his knuckles into his brows. "I almost _believed_ him. I _did_ believe him, at least mostly, or else I wouldn't have let her—he was so believable, so pathetically believable—he seemed so sincere."

"He did," Finn confirms.

" _Why,"_ General Leia interrupts. "Didn't you _tell_ us my son was on board?"

"That's kind of vital information," Luke puts in.

"Well—" Poe glances at Finn. "With the ship so broken down, we weren't—we didn't want to waste power by making an extra-long call."

"We were going to tell you, Luke, right away. When Rey made that call and the ship first started breaking down," Finn adds, glancing at Poe as if he's being really helpful. "But then we couldn't reach you. We didn't know you were at the base until they'd already gone!"

"He was crying and everything," Poe spits. "Rey thought he really wanted to change… especially after he saved her life."

"It was Han all over again," Finn mutters.

The General's face blanches. "If you had told me—"

"Rey said he was scared of coming here. No way would he have agreed to talk to you," Finn says.

"Well, in your efforts to protect—" Leia throws her hands up in the air. "You know what, I don't even know what you thought you were protecting, or what you thought you were even bloody _doing_. But if you were hoping to put your friend in grave danger and give the First Order a major advantage, _congratulations!_ You've succeeded."

 _And you've killed her last hope_. Poe doubles over. "I should have stopped her, I could have, I _knew_ not to trust him. I should have stopped her. I should have contacted you. I'm so—"

"Poe," Finn says, and Poe knows Finn's gotten up and come over, put his hand on Poe's shoulder. "If you're to blame, I'm to blame as well. We all are. It's not just you."

"Oh, this is terrible! _Terrible_ ," laments C-3PO. Poe lifts his face and sees BB-8 still drooping, hears R2 whirring sorrowfully, and looks into Finn's eyes, where he sees respect. Respect he doesn't deserve. It's a laser, cutting through him.

"Well, we can't wait around," Luke says. "I'll get in touch with Lando."

"What are you talking about?" Poe asks.

"A rescue mission." Leia stands now, but with her drooping eyes and sunken cheeks, Poe recognizes an emotion he's never seen in the General before: _defeat_.

But only in one part of her life. She still stands tall, firm, determined.

"There's not really a point," Poe has to say. "They're going to kill her. She's the Light. She's Kylo Ren's rival. And she's more powerful. But she'll never turn Dark, so Snoke won't keep her alive."

"Not forever," Luke admits. "But if Snoke took Maz, that means he knows far more than you do. And what he knows will be enough to keep Rey alive for now."

"Wait!" Finn yelps as Luke starts down the hallway. Poe feels dizzy, like he's coming up for air after swimming underwater for minutes.

_They'll keep her alive._

"What does Maz know that Snoke knows or whatever? What does _everyone_ know except us?" Finn demands.

Luke tilts his head to the side. "Are you coming on this search, rescue, and destroy mission or not?"

"Destroy?"

"The _Finalizer_ ," Luke states, mouth grim. Leia nods.

"You'll let us come?" Poe asks.

"On one condition, to be discussed later, with you, Finn," Leia says.

Finn grips Poe's shoulder. "We're coming."

* * *

"So she's always been your weakness. _Rey_." Her name sounds like a swear coming from Hux.

A baton swings into his stomach. Ben doubles over, retching and gasping. His skull feels like it's been split apart, his brain torn out and scrambled and stuffed back in—the aftereffects of Snoke's mind probes. No amount of Force strength could stop the Supreme Leader from taking what he wanted.

 _Poe,_ he thinks. _I am really, truly sorry._

Dozens of other faces flash before him. For many, he doesn't even know their names. _I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…_

"Look at me," Hux says, crouching down. He grabs Ben's face, lifting it up. Hux grins, smugness radiating from every pore. "Snoke always thought you were our most powerful asset," he whispers. "But you _are_ weakness. By your very nature."

"Careful," Ben manages. He doesn't like how his breath stutters, but his bleeding mouth and chewed up tongue won't let him speak freely. "Or else Snoke might think you're getting too ambitious. You shot your ally. What's to stop you from harming him? Aside, of course, from the fact that you can't."

Hux yanks his face up by his hair. Ben's eyes smart. "You," Hux sneers. "Are _never_ going to amount to anything. I may not have the Force, but I have _respect_."

"What do you want from me?" Ben cannot understand why Snoke left him here, tied to this chair, after he took everything in Ben's mind: all his memories, even the ones he's kept sealed for so long. _Just to allow Hux the reward of torturing me?_ "If you're going to kill me—"

Hux straightens. "The Supreme Leader will decide that."

If Snoke hadn't made a decision, he wasn't planning on killing him. But for what purpose? Dread seeps through Ben.

Snoke was going to try to bring him back to the Dark Side by any means necessary. _Why? What does he need me for?_

"Take care of him," Hux orders. His restraints snap off. Ben crumbles to the floor. Two stormtroopers seize him by the arms, dragging him deep into the bowels of the _Finalizer,_ down corridors Ben's never been. The blaster wound to his shoulder, almost healed, surges anew with pain as the troopers throw him into an unfamiliar cell.

"Ben!" he hears Rey gasp.

Another arm, supportive this time, loops around him and pulls him up.

 _I'm not alone._ Rey's here, in the cell with him. He clings to her as she guides him to the back wall.

"So the Light Side awakened inside you, Ben Solo. And the Dark Side noticed," observes a wry voice.

Squinting in the dimness, he makes out a small, orange creature. _Maz Kanata._ His father's old friend.

"They threw us all in a cell together?"

Rey helps Ben sit down. The left side of her face is swollen and purple, but still she strokes his sweat-soaked strands out of his eyes. "I think they're hoping that seeing each other suffer will break us."

"Break us for what? Resistance plans? Luke's location? I see keeping you for those, but why me?"

 _There's still darkness in you. And Snoke senses it._ He stares at his hands and wishes for a moment that Snoke would crush him, would end this—but no. Rey would certainly call him a coward if she knew his thoughts.

For the first time since he first met Snoke all those years ago, Ben Solo solely wants to be purged of the darkness, tear it out of him, wash it away, be free, be clean, atone.

He has no idea how to begin from a prison cell.

"Maybe they want to use you as leverage against the General?" suggests Rey.

His side throbs. Broken ribs, most likely. "They know what I did to my father. That's not likely."

"But your—"

_She can't still care, and even if she does, once she sees what I've done, she won't._

His mother, the woman who always gave her all to protect innocents. _I've killed hundreds._

 _There is one thing you can make right,_ Maz's voice resounds in his mind. But her intrusion doesn't feel torturous. It's gentle, an offering.

"Rey," he says, caving to the agony and lying down. "I need to tell you something. Or else—" He cringes. "They'll try to use it against you."

"What?" She's crouched over him, face inches away, hazel eyes wide with concern. Not for herself, of course. She's the opposite of him.

He wishes he were like her. Not for her power, but for her Light, for her care for others.

"I knew you. Before… before Jakku."

* * *

Rey sits back on her heels, listening as Ben tells her that she, the scavenger, the _no_ _one_ , is the granddaughter of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Her mind spins, trying to grasp any recollection she has of her supposed meetings with Ben, her visits to Luke's academy, but she can't. The story beats her, cuts her, heals her—all at once. She cries and wants to hit him, wants to run to Luke and demand to know why he didn't tell her, wants to conjure up her mother's face.

She can't do any of the things she wants, so Rey walks all ten feet of the cell, pressing her head against the thick metal walls. Her tears glue her face to it. "What happened to my mother?"

"I heard she died. Soon after. Luke tried to protect her—we almost caught him several times—"

"Did you know it was me? When you captured me on Takodana?"

"Not until the Lightsaber answered to you. Before… I had an inkling."

"Why _me?"_ she demands, turning to face him. Tears run from her eyes, snot runs from her nose; she's a mess. "Why did you save me?"

"Because you reminded me of me. I didn't want to go away either. I thought—I don't know." He speaks so miserably, and yet Rey suspects only a fraction of that misery is from physical pain. "I'm selfish, Rey."

"No. There's more to it than that."

He arches his back, gasping in pain. "I cared about you. Maybe because you were nice to me, I don't know—I can't explain why."

"But you did care."

He pounds his broken ribs before Rey's glare halts him. "I don't know why. I'm so sorry, Rey—"

"Because you two have a connection through the Force," Maz interrupts.

"What?" Rey wipes at her eyes. "How?"

"Your grandfather, Rey, trained his grandfather. Trained his uncle. Was killed, too, by his grandfather, and reunited with him after death." Maz waves her little arms in excitement. "There's much history between the Kenobi and Skywalker families. Your connections with the Force are stronger than average for a Jedi."

"Why did they take _you_?" Rey finally asks.

Maz almost smiles. Rey doesn't understand why. "Snoke remembered, when she defeated you on the Starkiller base. He remembered a girl. He set it up as your last test, provoking Hux to lash out—and inevitably fail to kill you: to see if there was darkness inside her, and test whether there was any light left inside you. Snoke wants the most powerful of Force users. He needs them, to keep the First Order running, because everywhere, in little ways, the citizens will find ways to resist. Even if he were to snuff the resistance out, no species tolerates tyranny as easily as he'd like."

"Snoke uses the Force himself, though," Ben puts in.

"He's far too gone in the Dark Side to rule as powerfully as he needs. He needs vitality, strength. He's more trained than both of you by millennia, yes, but all the horror he's wrought has twisted his appearance, weakened him in ways he does not and cannot understand." Maz sighs. "He will try to take you both back to the Dark Side, but especially you, Rey Kenobi. He's seen your power."

"That doesn't answer the question," Rey points out. "Why you?"

"Snoke found I had Luke's lightsaber. He knew I knew you. He thought me the perfect bait."

Rey slams her palm against her forehead. Luke's voice echoes, describing his adventures: _it was a trap._ "Well, Snoke was right!"

"The Resistance must have heard chatter about me," Maz muses.

"It's not your fault," Ben whispers to Rey.

"No, but it bloody well might be yours," Rey huffs, heaving herself back down.

He closes his mouth. Rey can see tears filling his reddened eyes, because he knows it's true.

"Good. Feel the pain you caused her, and let it go," Maz encourages.

 _Or keep feeling it,_ Rey thinks.

_No. That's what Snoke would want._

"I know," she exhales. "I know you're sorry." She lets her memories carry her back to Jakku, to the nights spent in the sweltering heat, slimed in sweat, to the doll she'd kept knowing her mother made it for her even though she didn't remember her mother's face, to the lines she scratched on the wall, waiting in vain, to the resistance helmet she'd found. Had her mother left that for her, as a sign she knew what her daughter would become? Or had she fatefully stumbled across it? Rey can't remember.

"It's funny," she says. "I never thought I'd matter. Not beyond providing Unkar Plutt with daily finds. I thought I was no one. Now I find out I'm someone after all."

"You always were," Maz says. Rey sees Ben start to nod and gasp in pain.

The door to the cell slides open, and white-clad stormtroopers march straight for for her.

"Rey!" screams Ben.

As they drag her away, Rey realizes why they're keeping both her and Ben alive. _He's not leverage against the Resistance. He's leverage against me._


	12. Chapter 12

"R2, you'd better make sure to come back in one piece! And you can't go to sleep again! They need you!" C-3PO totters after the droid.

R2-D2 whoops in acknowledgment, following Finn as he, Poe, Luke, and Chewbacca meet up with Lando Calrissian, a smirking man whose gray hairs didn't dull his aura of badassery. Another girl named Lietenant Connix also joins them. From what Finn understands, she'll be down in the gunner's seat on the _Falcon_.

Lando goes over their plan again. It is certainly not foolproof, but nowhere near as hole-filled as Rey's had been. Lando's fleet of fighters will attack the _Finalizer_ , distracting the crew, while Chewbacca will keep the _Millennium Falcon_ hovering below a key exit point for sanitation—an exit point that will serve as the entry point for Luke, Finn, Poe, and R2-D2. "From there," Lando says. "R2 will plug into their sanitation system and shut it down, which, as Mr. Ex-Stormtrooper says over here, will interfere with their other electrical based systems."

"Especially if they're already under attack," Finn confirms.

"How is sanitation electrical based?" Poe inquires.

"We're not shutting down the sanitation system as a whole. We're just shutting down the trash incinerator," Finn says. "Which will undermine their electric system."

"Sounds good, kid. And you'll get to the prison cells and find Rey. You rescue her, get her back to my old ship, and let me know so we can blow up the _Finalizer_ without you all on it."

"Your old ship?" Finn queries.

"Yeah, Han Solo won it off me." Chewie sniggers. Lando rolls his eyes.

"Poe?" Finn asks as they board the Millennium Falcon. "What's going to happen if we run into Kylo Ren?"

He thinks of what Leia said to him, her condition: _Knock him unconscious and drag him back. Alive._

Luke overhears, but he glances away. Finn wonders if Leia gave him specific instructions to capture Ren alive as well. He can't blame her. If the First Order hadn't taken him, would his mother have loved him that much? If she's still alive and knows that he was taken for the First Order, does she fret every time she hears of stormtroopers dying?

"Kill him," Poe answers.

Finn's heart drops.

* * *

"Take her away," Snoke barks.

Rey wants to exhale, but she holds her breath in, determined not to let him see her relief. Each time Snoke has interrogated her over the week they've been his captives, he pulls more information from her head. He is much harder to fight than Kylo Ren. But each time, she hasn't given the information that was most important to her: the people who are most important to her. Snoke knows that the "traitor stormtrooper" is her friend, but he doesn't yet know where Finn is. Or Poe. Or Luke. Of course, he can probably surmise that they're at D'Qar, but without the Starkiller, he can't touch them…

The only ones Snoke can touch are Maz and Ben, simply because he can observe them.

" _You care for him," Snoke said at their first session. "The man you called a—what was it again—a yes, right here, a_ monster _. Let us see how much you care."_

_She stifled her breath, tried not to scream, but eventually she gave in and screamed and screamed. But another part of her wouldn't give in. She wouldn't let Snoke into what she knew about the Resistance, into her training sessions with Luke._

" _He was right," Snoke murmured. "You do need a teacher."_

" _I will never," Rey spat. "Turn to the Dark Side."_

_Snoke laughed, his molten features twisting and writhing not with mirth, but malice._

A metallic arm picks her up as the restraints release. Rey glances up into a familiar mask. "Captain Phasma?"

"Don't try your Jedi mind trick on me," says the woman, jerking Rey out of the room and down the hallway.

"Why? Afraid of that monster's response? Considering what he's done to Kylo Ren—"

"Shut up."

"Is anyone safe?" Rey continues.

Phasma slams her into the wall. "Safety," the officer informs her. "Is not my priority."

"What is?" Rey asks.

"Order." The Captain peels her off the wall.

"You call this order? This power-hungry, grasping—generals and Ren Knights turning on each other, on the Supreme Leader—in what system can you call that _order?"_ Rey demands. She wants to laugh. _Niima Outpost's more orderly than this._

Phasma punches in the code to their cell. Rey notices her fingers shaking and dives into her head. _6\. 2. 4. 5. 4._ And there's something else, something nipping at the Captain even as she focuses on her job:

"You're afraid." _Is everyone who works for the First Order afraid?_

"I most certainly am not." But the Captain's shoulders stiffen, and she stops typing. Rey presses in deeper and finds a tsunami of uncertainty.

_You will never be enough, Hux will fail, you will go down with them, you will die and become nothing. You will die, you will die…_

"You want to live."

"Stop!" shrieks Phasma, typing the last number and shoving Rey into the cell. "Don't you _ever_ try that again."

The cell door slams.

"What happened?" Ben grabs Rey, his face mottled with bruises and his lip split with a crimson gash. Rey doubts she looks any better.

"I looked inside her head." Rey lowers her voice. "I've got the code, Ben! Maz! I've got the code! _624543._ We can't open it from inside here, of course, but—"

"When they come for me," Ben says, realizing Rey's plan. He slides back to the ground.

"Yes! All you have to do is use a mind trick on the guard, type in the code, and we'll be free! We can sneak on board your ship like our original plan. We can get out of here. We can go home." And she can rescue Maz after all.

"You're far better at mind tricks than I am," he says doubtfully.

"You can do it, and you know it. Because you _have_ to." _Because if you don't, we will die._

He nods.

Rey wonders if her grandfather ever did something similar. Would he be proud of her?

Rey doesn't know, but she does know that Han Solo would be, though he'd never admit it. She slides down next to Ben, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Thank the Force," Maz grouses. "I was getting tired of waiting here."

Rey cracks a smile. Her lip splinters and she winces.

"Of course," Maz says. "The power of two is greater than the power of one."

"What do you mean?"

Maz sighs. "Your powers will be stronger if you work together, child."

Rey glances at Ben, who nods at her. Self-doubt still radiates from him.

When the troopers come to take Ben, she pushes her way into his mind from behind the door, hears him tell the troopers to put their weapons down.

 _You can do it,_ Rey encourages him. _You can do it—yes!_

The door flies back open. Grinning, Ben extends his hand, helping Rey and Maz climb out.

* * *

Up ahead, Poe sees it looming. _The Finalizer._ He's going to finalize _it_ , this time.

Lando's voice crackles through. "You ready, kid?"

"Are you?" Poe returns. Lando laughs.

"Finn," Poe calls.

"Yeah?"

"Here." Poe stands up, fighting to keep a smile off his face. "You're going to help Chewie get us into position."

Finn goggles at him. "Uh, Poe—this is—this is a pretty important mission, and it's _pretty damn important_ to me that we don't mess it up! That _I_ don't mess it up!"

Poe's not surprised by Finn's anxiety. "You won't. You can do it." Poe grabs Finn's arm. "You're still wearing my jacket. It's good luck. Plus you've been taking lessons from the best."

Finn shakes his head. Chewie lets out a huff that Poe takes to mean _one of you help me now!_

"C'mon," Poe urges. "Remember when you took over the gunning position in that TIE fighter? You can it. I'll be right here. I see you taking too long, I see you doing anything I wouldn't do, and I'll take over. Okay?"

Luke smiles behind them, arms crossed.

"Okay," Finn breathes. "Okay. I can do this."

"You can do this," Poe repeats, watching Finn take the controls.

Blasts from the _Finalizer_ and swerving Resistance fighters flash all around them. Finn mutters to himself as he and Chewie dodge both their allies and their enemies.

"Almost there. Almost there now…"

"You're almost there," Poe echoes, hand still on Finn's shoulder.

When the _Millennium Falcon_ coasts into position, Finn pumps his fist. " _Yes!"_

" _Yeah!"_ Poe cheers, pounding Finn's back. "You did it! You did it."

"And now we've got to go," Luke interrupts.

Chewie roars as he stands below the top hole of the _Millennium Falcon_ that they're leaving through.

"This is safe, right?" Finn asks.

"None of this is safe," Luke points out the obvious. "But I've gone out this way before. Well, in, not out, and I was missing a hand at the time."

Chewie lifts R2 up first. The droid bleeps in appreciation as it uses its arm to open the shaft and disappear inside. Next is Finn, then Luke, and lastly Poe.

"We'll be back," Poe promises Chewie, whose enormous brown eyes are strangely soft. "I'm not going to let him kill anyone else."

Chewie huffs and shakes his head, as if that's not entirely what he meant. Poe doesn't have the time for clarification, though, and climbs into the sanitation chute.

"Ashes," Luke muses.

"Incinerated garbage," Finn clarifies. "This way. Through here." He slogs through the mess towards a dim light up ahead.

"You okay, R2?" asks Luke.

The droid chirps as it maneuvers up the steep slope. Poe hopes BB-8 is well back at the base. The droid hadn't been very happy with being left behind, and judging by how R2 still won't look at him, Poe gathers R2 is annoyed as well.

Eventually they make it up the incline and Finn lets out a shout. "Right here, R2!"

Whirring with glee, R2-D2 plugs in and, several moments of bleeping and booping later, the light goes out.

"Now what?" Poe asks.

R2 pushes past him, almost knocking him over. Something slides and clanks.

"Through here!" Finn yanks Poe through a door he can't even see. Someone smacks into him.

"Sorry," Luke pants.

Light explodes in front of Poe. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to adjust.

 _Never mind. No time._ Footsteps echo. _Someone's running._

Finn grabs his hand again, pulling them in the other direction.

"Someone there?" a voice booms.

"Up here!" Finn leaps towards a ladder, clambering up. Poe and Luke heave R2 up before climbing themselves into a room filled with stormtroopers, all pointing blasters at them.

"Oh. Hi," Poe says. He counts. _Nine_. Nine of them.

"Drop your weapons, scum," orders one.

"Now?" Finn whispers.

"Now," Poe confirms, opening fire. He hits three of them before one of their shots grazes his arm.

Five stormtroopers freeze, and when Poe looks up, he sees why: Luke Skywalker aims his lightsaber at them.

"It's Luke Skywalker!"

"Go! You go! We've got to tell them!" shrieks a stormtrooper as they all charge away. Poe fires after them, but Luke grabs his weapon to stop him.

" _Not now."_

Poe lowers the blaster, oddly ashamed.

"Where is the control room we're looking for?" Luke asks.

"Up this way—it's a distance, but—"

The radios attached to the fallen— _killed, by me_ —stormtrooper buzzes to life. "Alert. Alert. Prisoners have escaped," comes a stoic, cold voice.

"Rey!" Finn exclaims.

Frustration washes away Poe's elation. "How are we going to find them now?"

* * *

"If we leave in one of these ships, the Resistance will kill us!" Rey argues. She's almost annoyed with the Resistance's effort. They could have done just fine on their own, and now everything's all mucked up.

"I am not going back to that cell and waiting for them," Ben retorts. "We're not even near the usual prison cells. They _won't_ find us. And I don't think the First Order will even bother to capture them."

 _They'll be killed,_ Rey realizes. "If they're trying to rescue us, they have to be on board," she reasons.

Ben throws his hands in the air. "But where?"

A low hum sounds through the ship. "Attention. Attention," comes a familiar voice.

"Finn!" Rey claps her hands together.

"The escaped prisoners were seen leaving the ship through sanitation. They are already gone. Refocus efforts on stopping this assault."

The ship rollicks. Rey stumbles. "Well," she says. "We know where they are."

"And after that announcement, Phasma's probably already on her way. Along with—"

"Then we'd better get there first!" Rey grabs Ben's hand, taking off as fast as their bruised legs would allow. With every step, her cracked ribs ache. "Which way?"

"We can jump through the garbage chute," Ben concedes. "But first we need to get in there." He nods towards their interrogation room.

" _Why?"_

"We need the lightsabers!"

"Right."

Using the Force, Ben opens the door. Rey dashes in, grabbing two from the seat they'd been stashed on for Snoke to gesture to and whisper that she could have it back, if she'd just consider…

She tosses Ben his and powers hers up. Ben slashes at the chair, slicing it in two as they dart out.

"In here!" Ben lifts Maz up, tossing her down the chute first, then Rey. Rey can't help screaming as gravity drags her down, and then she's plummeting into nothing, and then sliding down another chute strewn with all manner of nastiness until at last, she slams into a pile of filth.

Gagging, wanting to suck in whatever air she can except _this_ air, Rey rolls off the main pile of trash just in time for Ben to tumble out.

"How large is the sanitation unit?" Rey wheezes.

Shaking her head, Maz struggles to her feet.

_Bleep. Bleep._

Rey peers around the pile to see R2-D2. The droid lets out a bloop of joy.

"R2—" Luke sticks his head around a corner. _"Rey! Maz!_ And—"

The look on Ben's face is one of complete horror, as if he'd prefer to sink back into the mountain of rubbish.

Luke flies at Ben, blaster aimed. He freezes, staring at the bruises on Ben's face. Ben squirms backwards, away from his uncle.

"Come on!" Rey grabs Ben's hand, dragging him off the pile. He snatches his lightsaber as they flee.

* * *

"We found them!" Luke's voice comes through the radio. "Meet you at the exit!"

"Chewie, get ready!" Poe orders.

"FN-2187!"

There are some voices Finn will never forget, and one of them is General Hux's.

"Shit," says Poe.

"You traitorous, cowardly—" Hux lifts the blaster.

"Oh, hell no!" Poe leaps in front of Finn, firing first. Hux fires back and Finn pulls his own trigger—and then there's a flash of blue, and Rey lunges at Hux, and before Finn can even scream out, there's a flash of black and flickering red, a cry of pain, and a blaster crashes against the wall.

Hux writhes on the floor, clinging to the stump that used to connect to his hand, Rey and Kylo Ren towering over him.

"Bastard!" Poe shouts, aiming at Kylo.

"Poe, no!" Finn cries.

"What are you doing?" Rey screams, jumping in front of Kylo. "He's helping!"

"Wait, he _didn't_ betray you?" Finn asks.

" _No!"_ Rey shouts, indignant. One of her eyes is blackened and her cheek is scraped raw. A gash leaks from her forehead.

Poe's face drains. Luke, R2, and Maz round the corner.

"Let's go then!" Finn urges them. Poe stumbles.

Kylo turns back to Hux, lightsaber sizzling, and Finn hears the words but can't quite believe them. "Where do you keep information on the stormtroopers you take and train?"

"Finally interested in my program?" Hux trembles, good arm around his side as he pushes himself against the wall.

" _Where?"_ The lightsaber swings upwards as Kylo's other hand protrudes, probing through Hux's mind.

"In the control room," Hux spits out. "There are hundreds of troops headed here and they'll be here in seconds. By all means, try and—"

"It's okay," Finn says to Kylo, to Ben or whoever he is.

_If this mission succeeds, and the Finalizer is destroyed, you will never get those records. You'll never find your family._

Except, he already has.

"It's okay!" Finn shouts. "We need to go!"

Kylo nods, turning. Hux's face changes from pallid to crimson as he leaps up and, even as Rey whirls around with her lightsaber, plunges a silver knife under Kylo's belt, under his left ribs.

Rey slashes Hux's shoulder, and the General crumples to the floor, unconscious. Luke grabs Kylo as he sinks towards the floor.

"Wait, don't—" Rey cries, but Kylo's already ripped out the knife. Blood streams like a flood, scarlet and stark against the white floor.

"C'mon," Luke growls, dragging his nephew towards the hole where Chewie hopefully awaits. Kylo's legs barely support him as blood splatters down. Poe jumps. Luke lowers Kylo down before jumping himself. R2 beckons for Maz to go before falling itself.

"Don't make me hurt you," Finn hears Rey saying. "I don't want to."

 _Does this guy ever give up?_ Exasperated, blaster ready, Finn turns to see Captain Phasma aiming a blaster at him.

"I know you don't want to die," Rey continues, backing towards Finn. "Just let us go."

Phasma hesitates, and in that split second of mercy, Rey uses the Force to send her and the blaster flying.

" _Go!"_ she screams at Finn, who jumps without a second thought. A thud tells him Rey lands behind him.

As Finn struggles to his feet, he's knocked down again. The _Millennium Falcon_ shoots away from the _Finalizer_. Poe shouts to Lando from the cockpit. "Now! Now! We're out of there!"

Fire crackles from the gunner down below. _Thanks, Lieutenant Connix._

Finally upright, Finn clings to the walls to maintain his balance. Rey sprints past him towards the bunks. _Kylo._

Blood is everywhere, staining the bunk, the floor, Kylo's dark cloaks and face and hair. And in the moments that Finn can bear to look at it, the blood is spreading.

"Come on! Stay with me!" Luke yells, tearing Kylo's robes off his chest. Kylo's face is covered in beads of sweat, pale, trembling.

Rey tosses her lightsaber to the floor. "Give me your jacket, Finn!"

Without understanding why, Finn thrusts Poe's jacket, the first article of clothing he'd acquired in freedom, into Rey's hands. She presses it against the wound.

"General," Finn hears Poe beginning. "So, General, we've rescued—well, they're with us—we're safe—"

An explosion sounds behind them. The _Millennium Falcon_ jolts from side to side. "I think that was the explosion—yeah, um, General, we were wrong about something. Very wrong."

"Hold on," Luke pleads, clutching Kylo's face. Kylo's eyes slide shut as Rey presses, presses, presses against the wound.

"Half the _Finalizer_ is destroyed. They're disabled," comes Lando's voice through another radio. "We can't do more than that right now."

 _They're still out there,_ Finn realizes. He feels like he swallowed an ice-covered rock.

"Well, you see, Kylo—your son—he didn't betray Rey at all. I'm not sure what happened, but they're both—they're both with us. Yes. He's coming back with us."

Chewie moans.

"I can't stop it!" Rey screams. "Finn!"

"What can I do?" he yells.

Maz taps Rey on the shoulder. In her palm lies Rey's lightsaber.

"He's wounded—bleeding bad, some First Order higher-up stabbed him—" Poe's voice is shaking.

Rey lights up the saber as Luke peels the saturated jacket back, revealing a gaping hole that pumps frothing blood. Cringing, Rey presses the lightsaber against the wound.

Finn's not sure who screams, himself or Rey, but seconds later, when Rey takes the lightsaber away and Luke inspects the wounds, cheers erupt.

"It worked! It worked!" Rey shrieks, throwing her arms around Finn, around Luke, especially around Maz.

"You hear that, Leia?" Poe says, his voice still catching. "He'll be okay."


	13. Chapter 13

BB-8 circles Leia's feet again and again as the _Millennium Falcon_ lands at the Resistance base.

"Princess, are you quite all right?"

"It's _General_ , 3PO, and—" She can't quite finish. "I'll be all right."

The ramp lowers, and C-3PO shrieks and toddles towards his companion. " _R2!_ You did it! I just knew you would!"

Maz climbs off next, with Poe and Finn. The latter rushes to her while Poe drags his feet, unable to meet her eyes. He kneels and wraps his arms around an eager BB-8. Lieutenant Connix darts off. Leia nods at her.

Rey and Luke are next, both with their clothes caked in blood, Rey with the vicious black and red marks of torture covering her face.

And Chewie bounds down the ramp, carrying the limp body of her son. Leia rushes towards them.

"Put him here!" calls Dr. Kalonia, gesturing to her cart when medics gather.

Chewie sets Ben down as gently as he did when Ben was a toddler and had fallen asleep curled against Chewie. Leia thought she'd gasp when she sees him, but no sound comes out. She grips Chewie as she takes in her son's scarred face, his burned side and chalk-white skin.

It's the first time she's seen him since she visited him when he was still Luke's padawan, when she felt the Dark Side closing in around him, felt Snoke's traps but still thought she alone could break him free.

If she's honest, she never thought she would see him alive again. Especially after he stabbed Han… but he's here now. Unconscious, wounded, but there's still breath left in him.

 _He didn't betray Rey._ Poe hadn't offered more details than that, but Leia somehow knows her son helped Rey. _There is still Light in him._

"Ben," she whispers. His face reveals that he, too, has been tortured, wrenching Leia's heart.

"We'll take care of him, General Organa," promises Dr. Kalonia as she whisks Ben away.

The Wookiee moans and wraps an arm around Leia. In that moment, Han's loss cuts her more sharply than ever.

"Leia," Luke begins from behind her.

She turns to face her brother and the scavenger girl. Of course, she's not just a scavenger. Leia's suspected from the moment she found out about what happened on the Starkiller base who the girl really is.

The granddaughter of the man she begged for help, called her _only hope_ , stands before her. And Leia knows that this girl is Ben's only hope as well.

"Rey," Leia says wearily. "You must tell me what happened."

* * *

Safety rattles Finn. For the first time since General Leia told him he'd be accompanying Rey on a mission to find Maz Kanata, adrenaline leaves him. Chills wash over him as he listens to Rey describe what happened aboard the _Finalizer_ , about their torture.

Poe stands.

"You okay?" Finn queries.

"Fine." But the hunched way Poe carries himself gives him away.

"Sorry," Finn says to Luke before jogging after Poe. "Hey, Poe! _Poe!"_

Poe acts as if he hasn't heard Finn, weaving in and out between fighter jets until he reaches what looks like a storage shed. Poe yanks open the door and disappears inside.

Finn doesn't hesitate. He barges in.

"Finn!" Poe yelps. "I thought you—"

"What's going on?" Finn demands.

"What?"

"I can tell you're upset, Poe. What'd you think, that I'd just leave you alone to be miserable?"

Poe tries to laugh. The laugh crashes. He heaves himself onto an old crate and rests his elbows on his knees. Sunlight filters in through the cracks in the wood.

"If you want me to go," Finn says. "I'll go."

"No."

"Okay then." Finn eases closer and drags another crate over. "Talk to me, man."

"I just… I feel so guilty."

"For being wrong about Kylo? You weren't the only one. Chewie and I both—"

"Yeah, but you weren't the ones planning on killing him," Poe mutters. His leg bounces up and down.

"We might've," Finn counters. "Especially Chewie. He was pissed."

Poe doesn't respond to his attempt at humor.

"What else is it?" Finn inquires.

"It's just… I feel like such a… like every time the General gives me something important to do, I mess up. First I get tortured by her son and then I accuse her son of betraying Rey when actually he's getting tortured for saving Rey."

Finn doesn't know what to say, but silence won't do. "You're still the best pilot we've got."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't matter when I'm a hotshot with no self control."

"That's not you, Poe."

"Yes, it is. I let my emotion run wild, Finn. I mean, the whole reason Kylo Ren even captured me is because I shot at him, after I already shot at a bunch of stormtroopers."

 _TN-2814._ Finn stares at his scuffed shoes. "I know."

"And if I'd had another second, I would have shot Kylo today." Poe smacks his face _. Is he crying?_ "I could've killed him… I could have murdered you, Finn. On Jakku." He's sniffling now. _Definitely crying._

"But you didn't," Finn points out. A fly buzzes nearby.

"But I _could_ have, and I was willing to, and Finn, it's like—I'm no better than the First Order? If I'm willing to, eager to even, kill them at the first second—"

"That isn't true," Finn interrupts, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Poe: that isn't true. Yeah, you were wrong about Kylo. But you had a good reason not to trust him, to dislike him, hell, to hate him even. In that village on Jakku, you were under attack. It's logical. It's reasonable. It's justifiable."

"Is it?" Poe exhales, face torn apart with his internal agony. "I keep thinking, Finn, thinking that I've given the First Order—at least some members of the First Order—reason to hate me, to want me dead, just as many as they have me. The difference is we believe in different principles."

"We believe in the _right_ principles," Finn corrects him as Poe hangs his head. Finn places his hand on Poe's face. "We believe in mercy, in freedom… in all those things the First Order doesn't. Trust me on this, Poe: I know. First hand experience, remember? The First Order wants to crush us all. It won't rest until it does."

Poe lifts his head, meeting Finn's eyes. "Thanks, buddy."

Finn smiles.

"You know, on Jakku, when I couldn't find you or that TIE fighter, I thought you were dead."

"I thought the same." Finn reaches to tug at his jacket, and then remembers its crumpled on the _Millennium Falcon_ 's floor, soaked in Kylo's blood.

"I felt guilty, like I'd given you hope only to get you killed," Poe admits, tears trickling down his face. "I mean, I was upset at the time, don't get me wrong, but now when I think back on it—when I think back to what almost happened—"

"What's the point of that, though? What's the point?" Finn interrupts. He hears Kylo's voice: _What's the point? Of remorse? What's past is past._

"What's past is past," Finn agrees out loud. Although, there _is_ a point to remorse. Han was right. But: "There's no point to guilt. What happened, happened. But there's no point dwelling on it. Especially on stuff that didn't even happen."

"I feel like I'm going to second-guess myself now. Over everything," Poe admits. "And, like—I want to end this thing, Finn. This war. Snoke. I still want to. But I'm so scared of killing another innocent—a person who could be like you—even today, with the _Finalizer_ —all those troopers dead…"

"When Kylo wakes up," Finn says. "We can talk to him, to Rey. Figure out how to take this fight directly to Snoke. And hey, if you're second-guessing yourself, talk to me. Run it by me." Of course, he would have voted for gutting Kylo Ren as well, so Finn's not sure what a great idea that is. But Poe's face is so close, tantalizingly close to his own. Finn's heart leaps.

"Sorry," Poe mumbles, pulling away and trying to stand.

"No." Finn grabs his arm. He saw it in Poe's eyes, heard it in his voice, the thing he never acknowledges except in his dreams. "You're second-guessing yourself. Right now." He prays he's right.

"Finn." And then Poe's arms are around him, his lips are against Finn's, and the sense of being whole, of being accepted and welcomed and loved—things he never thought he'd feel—overwhelms him. Poe Dameron cares for _him_ , FN-2187. It doesn't matter that he was once a stormtrooper, and it doesn't matter to him that Poe killed his friend—because he's forgiven Poe for it, all of it, and he knows Poe's forgiven him.

The door bursts open and the two men pull apart.

BB-8 shrieks, rolling around in an ecstatic dance.

* * *

_He's a child, and someone is stroking his hair._

" _He'll get better, Leia," Father scoffs, his face appearing as he crouches by a feverish Ben. "Stop worrying. The kid's strong."_

_And then his father vanishes, into a mist, and he's falling, wound smoking, and this time Kylo lunges to save him. His fingers graze the edge of Father's jacket, but still he falls as Kylo screams and screams._

The nightmare dissolves, but the fingers still trace his hair, his cheek, his jaw. And his side—it burns, throbs. His shoulder, his face, his ribs—they all ache and sting. But the pain is distant; the fingers caressing his face are so real, so present. Gently, they pull him out of the dark.

He cracks his eyes open. Light floods, searing and blinding. And a face he hasn't seen in fifteen years, a face he never expected to see again, comes into focus.

"Ben," she whispers.

The pain emanating from his body is nothing compared to the anguish suddenly gripping him. Choking, he fights for breath, wants to get away— _from her? From what you've become?_

"Don't try to move. You were hurt pretty badly," she says as he struggles.

Gasping as agony explodes from under his ribs, he gives up, looking straight at the ceiling because he can't, he won't, look at her. A conversation from long ago floats into his mind:

_Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?_

_What is there even to say?_

Ben Solo has never felt so lacking in control in his life. Not when Hux shot him. Not when Rey restrained him. Not when tortured by Snoke.

Snoke. _He'll crush you,_ Father said.

And he had. Killing Father crushed him. Now, it feels like he's being mended back together, and it's infinitely more painful.

Fighting the urge to cry like a child, he realizes she's wiping strands from his face, wiping the tear that escaped. "You're home."

" _Don't."_

Her hand withdraws, and Ben wants it back, but can't let her. He needs her to understand. "I'm—you can't touch me. You shouldn't. Don't—"

"Ben, my son." She leans over him, but he still won't meet her eyes. He's not ready for that. "I'm so—"

" _Don't,"_ he insists. "I'm not your son, not anymore—"

"Who are you then? Kylo Ren?"

"No. I'm—" He doesn't know. "No one."

"That's a lie. You're my son."

" _I killed your husband,"_ he cries out. "I killed _my own father_. I killed—you don't know what I've done, I'm—"

"My son," Mother repeats. She leans over him again, and Ben hears her crying. "No matter what you've done. I won't say it doesn't matter because it does, but nothing can ever change the fact that I—"

"You can't. You can't possibly—" He wants to be right, be right one more time, but he also desperately, desperately craves to be wrong—even though if he is, he doesn't know what will become of him.

"I can't what? Love you? Ben, I've loved you since the day I found out I was pregnant. I love you when I sent you away—which I never should have done."

" _No,"_ Ben interrupts. "That was me, don't blame yourself, it was me—"

"I've never stopped loving you. Not for one moment. No matter how it hurt. I never will. _I love you."_

He can't answer. His regrets—they're swallowing him. Tears leak down his face and he doesn't think to stop them.

"Look at me," she requests, her hands on his cheeks. "Look at me, Ben."

Slowly, he lifts his eyes and looks into hers, lets her see all of the shame drowning him, the guilt, the torment. The Darkness, and the Light. He imagines she sees the deaths he's caused, the tortures he's conducted, the training from Snoke—all of it. The scar Rey gave him after he almost killed Finn, after he stabbed his own father. He can't keep it from her, and he doesn't want to. _Can you still love me?_ He's glad for the scar, glad it shows his mother the ugliness of what he's become.

She touches his forehead, the place Ben knows is the beginning of his scar. "Oh, Ben."

The compassion in her voice pulls him out of the despair. "I'm sorry," he chokes out. "I'm _so_ sorry. I'm so _sorry._ You have no idea how sorry I am. For all of it. I'm sorry."

She kneels at his bedside, grasping his head and pressing it into the crook of her neck. "I know. I love you," she repeats. "You're home now. _I love you_. You're _home_. _I love you."_ She lowers her lips and gently kisses his scar.

 _I know,_ he realizes. He sobs with her, clinging to her, feeling clean for the first time in years.

For how long they stay in each other's arms, Ben doesn't know. A throat finally clears, and he pulls away to see his uncle standing above him.

Swallowing, Ben leans back on his elbow and meets Luke's eyes. This time, he speaks first. "I'm sorry." Words that can't fix anything except him, and Luke, if his uncle allows it. And Ben won't blame him if he doesn't.

Luke sits on the bed, grabbing Ben's knee. "Glad to see you're awake." He smiles, and it's genuine.

Ben blinks. "How can you—how can you not hate me?"

"I've never hated you. Neither has your mother. Hate's—" Luke closes his mouth.

 _The Dark Side,_ Ben understands. "Thank you," he manages. _For not hating me. For not giving up._ Though for the life of him, he still doesn't understand why they didn't. No, he does—he's just ignored it for so long. _Love. Compassion. The Light._

"How are you feeling?" Luke asks.

"Okay… sore." He finally peers down at his side, but can't see the wound through the thick layer of bandaging.

"Rey had to use her lightsaber to cauterize the bleeding."

"Rey—she's okay?"

"She's fine. Recovering, also," Mother answers. "Minor injuries."

"They tortured her."

"Looks like they tortured you both," Luke says.

Of course, Rey would have told him. With a jolt, Ben realizes that she must have told Luke that he'd tried to save her all those years ago.

"You need to rest," Mother tells him, her eyes tracing each and every scar she can see on his chest. Ben shifts uncomfortably. He wants to hide the evidence of the darkness from her sight, but he knows he can't.

"They'll want her back," Ben says. "Or me. One of us… they need…"

"We've spoken to Maz. We know what Snoke's after," Mother reassures him.

"We'll talk more when you've had time to—"

"You're awake!" Poe's voice, happier than Ben's ever heard it, booms. He rushes over, Finn close behind him.

"Told you he'd be fine," Finn grumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, well. I was worried I wasn't going to get the chance to apologize in person."

"Poe, he needs to rest," Mother intercedes.

"Sorry for thinking the worst of you," Poe says anyway.

 _They thought I betrayed Rey,_ he realizes. _Why wouldn't they?_

 _Give them a reason never to think it again._ "I understand," he says softly.

"We'll let you rest," Finn declares.

"Yeah, and then after, we need you to help us figure out how to take down Snoke once and for all."

"We'll tell Rey you're awake!" Finn yells over his shoulder as he grips Poe's arm, maneuvering the pilot out of there.

"Why're you smiling?" Luke wonders.

 _Because it looks like they've figured things out._ But he won't spoil the surprise.

With a whir, BB-8 arrives, sticking out a fiery thumb.

"Good to see you too," Ben greets the droid, who squeals in pleasure and bloops out a message.

"Rey can see him after he rests more," Mother says firmly. Ben knows not to argue and rolls onto his uninjured side, curling up like he used to when he was a child. Mother's hand, then and now, strokes his hair, massages his neck.

 _It's too late,_ he'd said to his father, voicing his worst fear.

_It was never too late._


	14. Chapter 14

Rey paces outside, feeling the gentle sun bathe her skin as she waits. At least Ben is okay. When that knife disappeared into his side, Rey truly thought he would die.

And it scares her how much that scared her.

"Nice day, Rey Kenobi."

 _Maz._ Rey turns to the creature. "That name's going to take some getting used to."

"Maybe. But you were never used to being no one."

Rey knows it's true. It was a lie she told herself, that she was content being no one and nothing to anyone. Because not being content wasn't an option.

 _But I never was, deep down, was I?_ She thinks of the doll she had… the scratches on the wall. Was the doll made by her mother? "Snoke knew."

"Only after you defeated Kylo Ren on the Starkiller."

"When he tried to persuade me to join him… I never wanted to. But—"

"But what?"

"I don't want to join him. But I do want to kill him. Not just for what he did for me. Mostly not because of what he did to me. But because of what he did to Ben, to Leia, to Luke, to Finn…" To Phasma and all the stormtroopers, to the whole galaxy. "I don't want to give in to it. Not the Dark Side."

"Rey, child," Maz says, taking her hand. "There is Darkness in everyone. Every Jedi, every Sith, even those who cannot sense the Force. There is also Light. And everyone makes their choice. Snoke made his. Darth Vader and Ben Solo chose one path and left it. In all my years, I've seen thousands choose and choose again. The Dark Side will tempt you, yes, but you always will be able to choose." She regards Rey without her glasses. "You should talk to your master."

"Luke?"

"He accepted the Darkness inside him. He never fed its flames, but he knew it was there, and he made his peace with that. Your grandfather—bless him, but he was part of the old order of the Jedi, and they tried to crush the Darkness away forever, not realizing they were crushing away part of what made people alive, what made them who they were. Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, in part, because he wasn't taught how to balance."

"By my grandfather," Rey supplies.

"Obi-Wan was far more balanced than other Jedi. He, too, came to accept the Darkness, I believe, but he never encouraged it, and he always stoked the Light." Maz smiles. "That's what made him such a great Jedi. Luke, as well. And you."

_And Ben, if he wants it._

_We'll have to work together,_ Rey realizes. _All of us. To defeat Snoke_. Her shoulders slump.

_And then more evil will take its place._

"Yes," says Maz, clearly reading into Rey's mind. "But that's no reason to stop fighting, is it?"

A Wookiee howls.

She straightens. "Excuse me. I think I hear my boyfriend."

_If all of us balance—if we can accept what the Dark side can't—we'll have a chance._

She heads inside, slipping past groups of pilots drinking and laughing, Finn and Poe cheering about something with a new face Rey learned earlier is an old friend of Luke and Leia's named Lando Calrissian. R2-D2 bloops at her as she passes.

"R2, where are you going?" C-3PO cries. "Be right back? What do you mean I can't—? Well, really! After all these years…"

Grinning to herself, Rey turns to acknowledge R2 as she heads to the medical bay.

He's awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Rey."

She flashes a grin. "Rhymes."

R2 lets out what sounds like a giggle.

It takes him a moment to realize what she meant. He smirks, and Rey forces herself to laugh, because if she doesn't laugh, she'll cry.

The image of Ben's face draining of color assaults her mind. _He's alive, though. He's alive._

What unsettles her more is the deep feeling that had he died, a part of her would have perished with him.

She clears her throat. "How are you feeling?"

He sits up, eyes never leaving her face. "Not too bad… they gave me soup. I ate it. Dr. Kalonia says she'll let me go tomorrow."

Rey goes to drag a stool over, but Ben summons it with the Force. "Oh, come on," Rey complains. "Now you're just showing off."

He's grinning, though, and for a moment his shoulders appear loose, his smile wide and pure, as if his burdens have vanished. In another moment, however, they've returned.

 _They won't ever leave him,_ Rey thinks. _He'll have to live with them. Forever._

_They're such heavy burdens._

"You scared the hell out of me," she admits. "On the ship."

"You'd think I would have learned not to turn my back on Hux by now." He shrugs.

"How've things been, though?" she presses. "With your mother? With Luke?"

"My mother—she's so—she doesn't deserve—she never deserved—" He inhales. She averts her eyes from his bare chest, because feelings and sensations she's never felt before are creeping over her. "And Luke. It's strange, Rey."

"How so?"

"It's like… when they look at me, they still have hope for me. Just like they did when I was Luke's padawan. It's like none of the past fifteen years ever happened, but they did and… I don't deserve it. Them. And…"

He doesn't even need to say " _you_." Because Rey knows she's been looking at him with hope since he saved her life on that blasted frozen planet, hoping, wishing. For Leia, for Han. "Maybe you don't deserve it, but they love you, and they're giving it to you freely." _And me. Me, too._

"What's going to happen now?" Ben asks.

R2 bleeps and launches into the story.

"They won't stay on the _Finalizer_ , though. Especially if it's damaged."

"That's where you might come in," Rey suggests. "You have more inside information than even Finn. We're going to end this, Ben."

"How? Even if we figure out where they've gone, and I give whatever information I have—you met him, Rey. You felt his power. What can we do against Snoke?"

"We have the Light," Rey says. "And the Dark. We can't beat the Dark by denying it. We have to balance both sides in ourselves. And don't forget, there are three of us—four, counting Maz—who can use the Force. Five, if you include your mother. If we can all balance the Light and the Dark within us, figure out what each other's strengths and weaknesses are, we can balance each other out too. We can each use whatever strength's the Force's given us to end Snoke. And the First Order."

"So, chaos will take over."

"Maybe temporarily. But I don't doubt that your mother has some plan." _Hopefully a better one than last time,_ Rey thinks.

Ben brushes hair out of his eyes. "Will they trust me? To use the Force?"

Rey shakes her head. "Look who you're talking about. I do. Maz does. Luke—he will. Your mother? Of course she will."

"Forgiving me is one thing… trusting me to use that power for good is another."

Rey leans over, taking his hand. "Well, _I_ trust you. As for the rest of them, you'll have to try and earn it."

* * *

Dr. Kalonia releases Ben when into the care of "the General." He understands that she's not willing to let him wander free quite yet. He's just grateful no one's chained him yet.

And there's something he needs to talk to his mother about. Something he needs to confess, purge himself of.

Mother's quiet as she leads him down a tight hallway with lined with miniscule bedrooms. "Most of the pilots don't exactly want you on their floor," she informs him. "So there was some shifting around. Lando, Poe, Finn, Rey, Luke, and myself don't mind."

"I'm sorry."

She lets him into the room. "You are going to tell us everything you know about the First Order, aren't you?"

Ben swallows. "Of course." His wounds might be healed by the grace of Dr. Kalonia's scanner, but exhaustion still pulls at him. He heaves himself down on the bed. "I don't know very much," he admits, voice small.

"What?"

This was the reaction Ben's been fearing. _She doesn't believe me_. "I know—I know locations, but in terms of their next steps, their plans—I don't know anything. I was gone too long, and Snoke—Snoke doesn't tell anyone anymore than they need to know. He kept things from me that he would tell General Hux, and vice versa." He meets her eyes. "I'm telling the truth."

"I know you are," Mother says, sighing. Shadows darken her face.

 _Others won't, though_. "Do they all want to lynch me?"

"Would you blame them?"

"No." He presses his fingers against his side, feels the pulse of pain, and stops himself. "I know where Snoke might be. His home planet. I've been there, for training."

Mother's face lights up as she takes a seat next to him. "That's more than enough, Ben."

Hope stirs. "I can't guarantee that he's there. But if the _Finalizer_ is damaged, he might retreat there. Or he could go on the warpath. It's impossible to tell. But if you want to get to the planet, into his castle even, I can tell you how."

"How long ago were you there?"

Excited, he calculates in his mind. How could so little time have passed when so much has happened? "Not long. Before my mission to get Maz, I was there, and I'd been there for a while. Snoke said he would complete my training after—" Ben cuts himself off, but not before he sees the stricken burst of sorrow in his mother's eyes.

_I killed Father for my own gain._

_I killed my own father because I thought it would allow me to become who I was meant to be._

Ben lowers his head. What can he possibly say? _She still loves you,_ he reminds himself. _Rey still cares, Luke, Finn, Poe—they all know and they still care._

"I'm so sorry," he finally says. "I'm—it's—"

"So that's why you did it." Mother sounds weary.

He nods. "And—because I was scared." Scared of letting Snoke down. Scared he wouldn't be able to dedicate himself fully to the cause he believed in. Scared he was wrong and his father was right. Scared of taking his father's hands, putting himself at the mercy of a group he'd been trying to wipe out. He presses the back of his hand against his forehead. "I'm so ashamed."

Still she doesn't speak. The silence tears him apart.

"I loved him," Ben pleads. "I did. I do. I have nightmares, all the time." _Stop. Stop manipulating. This isn't about you._

"Ben, look at me."

He obeys.

Mother places her hands over his face. They're cool, soft, uncalloused. "Stop beating yourself—literally and figuratively. You have the opportunity to make things right, now. Take it."

"Help me," he whispers.

_Will you help me?_

_Anything._

She wraps her arms around him. "The meeting is in two hours. I'll speak to the others—let them know you're coming, and you have important information. And, because it would seem you need a reminder: I forgive you. I love you."

* * *

Ben's heart pounds as he walks into the room of gathered Resistance strategists. Rey's presence at his side is the only thing keeping him calm.

"Hey!" Poe grins at him, and Finn waves. They stand so close together their shoulders are practically touching. Rey cocks her head, staring as realization dawns.

And Mother. She beams at Ben, as if she's genuinely proud of him. Luke's gentle smile doesn't quite go that far, but it welcomes him nonetheless, and that unsettles him.

 _I'm going to take down the cause I dedicated my life to._ He needs to do it. It's the right thing. It would make his father proud, maybe. But as Ben surveys the collective scowls of the other admirals and personnel, their crossed arms and shaking heads, the two that clutch their blasters, he can't blame them. First, he betrayed Luke. Now, he's betrayed the First Order.

"Glad to see you're doing the right thing," Poe mutters in his ear.

"Is it really necessary that he be here?" a red-skinned creature finally demands.

"He knows the First Order better than any of us," snaps Finn. "Even me."

"Yeah, and how many of our friends has he killed?"

Ben bites his tongue, tasting the familiar pain. Rocks form in his stomach. "I'm sorry about that," he ekes out.

"He should be in a prison cell, not free to—"

"Yeah, yeah, I agree with you," Poe cuts in. "But the facts are that the map shows us where the First Order is moving, but it doesn't show us their internal structures, how they function, how we can destroy them once and for all. He can." Poe avoids Ben's surprised look.

The man plants his arms down on the table, leaning closer to scrutinize Ben's face. Ben meets his eyes, holding nothing back. "Well, I don't trust you," the man states.

"I don't blame you," Rey intervenes, her hand grazing Ben's elbow. "But he's saved my life… several times now. And we can't waste time bickering about who to trust when Snoke's out there, no doubt plotting to retaliate for your attack on the _Finalizer_."

"I agree," says Lando Calrissian. Ben's skin prickles. He hasn't seen this man since long before he'd even been shipped off to Luke's. Lando had chased him all around, pretending to be a rancor while Father stood watching and laughing.

And now, Father is dead, Ben is his murderer, and this old friend is Ben's rescuer and he shoots Ben the same devious grin he wore decades ago.

"Plus," Luke adds. "Snoke will want to take back either Ben or Rey. He needs them."

Ben has the feeling that not too many would mourn if the First Order were to take him.

" _Ben_ ," scoffs the man.

"Look," Ben interrupts. "I understand what you're saying. I wouldn't be eager to trust me, either. And yes, I probably do deserve to rot in prison or worse, okay? I know that. And if that's what you decide to do with me afterwards, I won't fight you on it. I promise. I just—for now I just want to—to make things as right as I can. Which won't be by much, but if I can help end you all end the First Order, I will. They're evil. They need to be taken down before they kill more innocent people, before they kill you." He swallows. "I'm not asking for your trust—not beyond this. Just let me help you. _Please_."

"You don't have the _right_ to help," seethes the man. "You haven't sacrificed the way we have!"

"I _know_." Rey's hand is steady on his arm. And Mother—she looks more proud of him as he admits how evil, how depraved, he's truly been, than she's ever been before.

"He's our best shot," Finn says.

The man rolls his eyes and huffs. "Do we have a plan?"

Luke motions to Ben, as if asking him to begin. Ben opens his mouth and shuts it, gesturing for Luke to speak instead.

"The map shows us that the survivors on the _Finalizer_ retreated to the far reaches of the Anoat system," Luke launches into their plan. "And that there's a whole fleet of Star Destroyers there. Ben says Snoke will likely not have gone with them, but might be back on his home planet…"

"How likely?" interrupts Lando.

"Well, from tracing their movements, it seems like a small shuttle has made its way to that planet. So, we're maybe 70% certain Snoke is there."

"And if he isn't," Lando says with relish. "We can at least destroy his palace."

"Exactly." Luke drones on, discussing the planet and Snoke's castle there. Ben's mind wanders to the last time he was there, right after he murdered his father.

_His side throbbing, blood dribbling out from under the bandages covering the wound from Chewbacca's bowcaster, palms slick with sweat, Kylo stumbles and drops his lightsaber._

" _No," snarls Snoke._

" _I'm sorry, Supreme Leader," Kylo gasps. "It's—"_

" _The pain should make you stronger. Lean into it. Feel it."_

_Face flushing, the gash to his face starts to burn._

" _That's it," Snoke encourages, circling him like a vulture. Kylo grips the saber and lunges again. For a few moments, a furious sense of power possesses him, and he's slashing, hacking, imagining the traitor stormtrooper, General Hux, his father—_ no, not that _—Rey…_

_Kylo crashes to the floor again. Snoke lets out a sound of disgust, but circles closer._

" _Maybe some meditation will do you some good for today," Snoke says. "Focus your mind, Kylo Ren."_

 _And he does, settling his mind, letting all thoughts of Han Solo fall away, thoughts of the faux concern on Hux's face when he found Kylo bleeding, defeated, in the snow… all disappear—until Snoke latches onto his mind. Kylo grits his teeth in pain as the Supreme Leader tromps through his mind, looking for—for what?_ The Light's gone. _Why does Snoke insist on ravaging his mind every day, storming through it even though Ben would willingly give him all the information he sought?_

" _Hm," Snoke says as he emerges and Kylo releases his breath. "You will do better next time."_

" _Sir?"_

" _Keep meditating," Snoke commands._

 _Was that when Snoke saw Rey for the first time?_ Ben wonders.

"Ben?" Mother prompts.

_Shit._

"Tell us about the palace," she encourages.

They're all staring at him, so he looks at his Mother, at Luke, Poe, Finn, even Rey. "Like the Starkiller, there's a shield around it. It won't be easy to disarm, either. Snoke will be expecting us to go for the fleet of Star Destroyers, though, so that could afford us the element of surprise."

"Let me guess. Someone's gonna have to be on the ground to disarm it," Finn says.

"Exactly."

"Won't Snoke see that coming?" asks Ackbar.

"Presumably, but if that person can get inside the palace and disarm the shields, the pilots can swoop in and blow it up."

"So essentially it would be like a suicide mission?" Rey queries.

"Not necessarily—"

"Oh, c'mon, Rey, everything we've ever done has been a suicide mission and yet somehow we're all still alive," Poe says. "I assume you should be one of the people who goes in?" He points to Ben.

"I—well, probably, since I've been there, but—"

"But none of us trust you to go in alone," supplies Ackbar.

"Pretty much," Ben answers, meeting Ackbar's eyes. "And also, the shields have to be shut off from two separate places at the exact same time."

"We should accompany him," Rey says, motioning to herself and to Luke.

"And I will as well," Maz says, jostling Ackbar with her arm. "I think two Jedi and another Force user will be enough to keep him in line."

"Two other Force users," Mother corrects.

"No," Ben says at the same time Rey exclaims, "That would be so helpful!"

"Aren't you needed here? To direct, _General_?" Ben asks, terror welling up inside him. He does not want his mother in that evil place.

"Radios exist, Ben," she points out.

"You won't be able to use them under the shields, before they're lifted. Even if the communication's encrypted, Snoke will still get—"

"Then how exactly do the two groups plan on shutting off the shields at the same exact time?" demands Lando.

"I have an idea about that," Rey says, raising her eyebrows at Ben.

"We have to be close for that!"

"Do we?"

"What are you talking about?" shrieks Ackbar.

* * *

In the end, Leia convinced Ackbar and the others to agree to attempt their mission in three days, misgivings and all. Poe and Finn head off with Lando and the other pilots while Luke and Maz take Rey and Ben to a small clearing in the woods to attempt to learn how to meld their minds.

"Okay," Luke begins. "Maz says you two already can communicate telepathically with one another."

"Not exactly," Rey admits. "It's more like, he probes into my mind, and I probe back."

 _Exactly,_ Ben confirms.

 _Not funny,_ she retorts.

"Does it hurt?"

Rey glances at Ben. "Well, no. Not anymore," she adds meaningfully.

"That's telepathy, then. A probe is forced. And a probe looks through memories, thoughts, dreams. Telepathy is more like communication."

"I guess we can do both," Rey concludes.

"Good. And don't forget the probing thing, either. Both of you may have to use it when we get to Snoke's castle." Luke studies each face: one orange and with thousands of years and lines of wisdom, one scarred and anxious, and one bright and eager. "Right away, I'm tempted to say Ben and Rey have the strongest connection, so you need to be split up. We'll have two teams."

"You and me, Maz and Ben?" Rey guesses.

That had been Luke's first instinct, but he can tell simply by looking at Maz what she thinks, and he's not about to argue with her thousand years. "No. Me and Ben. _You_ and Maz."

"And me," adds his sister's voice.

"No," Ben says again.

"I may not be well trained in the Force, Ben, but I assure you I am a very good shot. At the very least, you might need someone like that."

Luke can't argue and has learned, in all his years, not to try.

"Which is also why Chewie will be accompanying you two," Leia says.

"Who will take the Falcon, then?" Rey wonders.

"We will," Poe says, panting as he tromps out of the woods.

"We will," Finn echoes, appearing beside his co-pilot.

Chewie nods.

"Well," Luke says. "Now that that's settled, let's get practicing."

* * *

"That went well," Leia says to her brother.

"Mostly," Luke agrees.

"You haven't lost your touch."

Luke leans back against a tree. "I used to wonder whether I ever had a touch. After Ben…"

"It feels like a dream. Having him back." Leia runs her fingers through the grass, picking up a quartz rock and tossing it into the air. "I miss Han so much."

"Oh, Leia." Luke crawls over, wincing, and holds her close. "I do too."

"He would have been so proud… I know Ben feels like Han lost faith in him long ago, before he even… before the academy. And what he did to Han…"

"Do you know what Han's last act was?" Luke interrupts.

Leia fumbles for the rock again. "No."

"After—after Ben stabbed him, according to Rey, Han touched his face. In a loving way, she said—Han forgave Ben. He did, Leia. He loved him and wanted his last act to show Ben just how much he loved him, no matter what he'd done."

"Mm." Leia stares at the crumpled bark of a tree and throws the rock against it. She stands, brushing grass and dirt off herself. "I need to get back to the base."

"Of course." Luke walks a few paces behind her, both of them lost in memories and wishes.

Leia ducks under a moss-cloaked fallen tree and hears a strange sound coming from behind another tree. Someone talking, maybe—crying? No, that's not quite it.

She peers around the tree to see Poe and Finn wrapped in an embrace.

"I love you," Poe whispers to Finn.

Finn's eyes bulge. "General!"

Poe peels himself away from Finn and faces Leia. "Oh. Hi. We thought—I mean, we didn't expect—"

"No, I don't suppose you did expect to be interrupted, Dameron." A smile tugs at Leia's lips as she remembers the feeling of being in Han's arms, the knowledge that Han truly, truly loved her. "Carry on." She turns back.

"Leia? What's going on?" Luke calls as he rounds the tree. "Poe, Finn—you guys all right?"

Leia grabs Luke's arm and steers him away. Her heart feels warm, bursting—a feeling she hasn't experienced in a very long time. "Don't you know better than to interrupt young people in love?"


	15. Chapter 15

The months of training Rey had with Luke on the island never came close to the intensity with which they trained now, with the hours to either their doom or salvation steadily ticking down. Rey's muscles and head throb.

At least it keeps her from focusing on what lies ahead. Because Rey is fully aware that quite possibly—even most likely—not every one of them will be returning. Possibly her.

She soaks in the moments she sees Poe and Finn laughing together, the instance when she knocks Ben down and he gazes up at her in admiration, before Leia reaches down to help him up and he takes her hand, he lets her.

The night before they leave, no one says much at dinner. Poe mutters something about getting a good night's sleep and vanishes. Finn follows soon after, and, feeling like she's intruding on precious lost time between Leia and Ben, Rey departs.

Once in her small but comfortable room, showered and cleaned, she can't fall asleep. Too many thoughts race about in her mind: her grandfather, what became of her mother, who her father even is. Ben's struggle, and the monster she will face again tomorrow.

That monster tore their family apart, Rey thinks, and she wonders how they're supposed to end Snoke without summoning the Dark Side.

 _That's what the mind meld is for,_ Luke told her when she asked. _To encourage each other._

The trouble is, Rey's not sure she can rely on Ben, even on Leia or Luke and possibly not even Maz—to feel any compassion, any mercy, for that villain.

 _What if I do it?_ she thinks, shivering as she pictures herself killing Snoke, avenging her mother. _No!_

_How do you fight the Dark Side in the face of so much evil?_

The two times she'd spared Kylo Ren, the times she helped him, she had looked at him and realized she didn't want to become like him. _You certainly don't want to be like Snoke._ She snorts.

She resisted his urging in the chair. She can do this. She is strong… stronger than ever, with all the others.

Rey closes her eyes, but instead of the placid dark of sleep, she sees herself screaming, thrashing in Unkar Plutt's grip: " _Come back!"_

"Mother," Rey gasps, sitting up. She searches her own mind, trying again to find a face, that face.

But she can't.

Loneliness scrapes at her. In desperation, she searches out Ben in her mind. _Are you awake?_

 _Why are you?_ comes the response.

_Can we talk?_

There's no response, so Rey marches out of her room and towards his. He answers as she taps on it.

"Are you okay?" he greets her, brow knotted in concern. Concern for _her_.

Rey throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. He kisses her back as her hands dig through his hair, and then—he pushes her away.

"I'm sorry," he breathes.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't—we shouldn't—"

"Why not?" she demands as her brain struggles to process what she's just done. _You kissed him. Kylo Ren. Ben Solo._ And she wants to kiss him again.

"Because I'm—"

"Because of who you used to be? Because I don't care about that."

He sits on his bed, tracing the edge. "Why did you come here, Rey?"

Tears spring to her eyes. "Because I don't want to be alone. Not now. I'm scared, Ben. Of dying myself. More so, of losing one of you."

"Why do you care about me?" he asks abruptly. " _Why_ , Rey? I could have killed you as a youngling. I killed my own father, whom you loved, in front of you. I spent so many years serving the Dark Side, Rey. I've turned to the Light for what, a couple weeks? How do you know I won't turn back again?" His voice rises as desperation enters it.

"Because," Rey says as she sits next to him and covers his tracing hand with hers. "You don't want to be a part of that again. You can choose. Just like we'll all have to choose."

His chest rises and falls. "What if, in, say, five years or so, I change my mind? Someone else comes along and seduces me back? You couldn't be a part of that."

"Is _that_ it?" she asks. "Ben, don't you see that if you isolate yourself, that's far more likely to happen?"

He hugs himself. "I'm not isolating myself."

"You think it's what you deserve," she observes.

He shudders. "Isn't it, though?"

"Maybe. But your mother, Luke, me—hell, even Finn and Poe—we don't want that for you. We actually—we actually kind of like you. Your mother _loves_ you." _I love you._

"What _do_ you want of me?" he asks. "I mean—I'm not Kylo Ren anymore. I never want to be him again. But I'm not the same Ben Solo I was as a padawan. Part of both of them is still in me. Parts of both of them always _have_ been in me."

"I know that, Ben. So does your mother, and Luke. I promise you."

"I just want this conflict—the one within me—to _end_ ," he says, voice catching.

"Well, it might never end, Ben," she snaps. "And you'll have to be brave enough to live with that, and choose the Light every day."

He turns to her. It's dark in the room, but she can see a slight curve in his lips. "Did you really come here just to kiss me?"

Rey shifts and fiddles with her loose hair. "No… I couldn't sleep. That's true. And it's—I see myself being left behind. On Jakku. All the time. But I can't see her face. My mother's."

He holds her chin in his hands as tears dribble out of her eyes, and he's not focusing on his own guilt or his own pain this time; instead, he focuses on hers.

"Ben, it's—I've always wanted to mean something to someone, and now I do, and now I might lose them too. And _yes_ , that includes you."

Ben pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her as she presses her forehead against his shoulder.

"You're a good person, Rey," he says, voice quiet and slightly unsteady. "You—you're—you have no idea how loving, how kind, you are. It's amazing. It— _you_ —make me want to be a better person. When I saw you on Takodana, even though I didn't know who you were, it was like the Light woke up inside me. I mean, it had been there all along, but with you—it ignited. You're more than just your strength in the Force. You're just… _good_."

She pulls away, searching his eyes. "What if I die tomorrow?"

"I won't let that happen."

"I mean, what would happen _for you?"_

He shakes his head. "I won't let the Dark Side consume me. Not again."

"Promise?"

He chuckles. "Promise."

"Are you still having nightmares?" she inquires.

He nods. "I dreamed about Lor San Tekka the other night. He was on Jakku… guarding you, I think. From a distance. Like your grandfather did for Luke." Ben sighs. "He was my mother's friend. He loved me. I saw—when Luke—when the Knights of Ren and I attacked the Jedi academy, he and Luke were off together. I saw them when they got back, in all that rain, when they saw everyone dead. I saw them scream. His last words—on Jakku—were trying to help me. I didn't see it that way, obviously."

"What did he say?" she asks.

"That I couldn't deny the truth that is my family." He laughs. "He was right."

Silence elapses. "So much for getting a good night of sleep," Rey remarks, and they both laugh.

She looks at him, taking in his angular features, the scar she gave him, the gentleness in his eyes. "I don't want to be alone, Ben."

They lie down next to each other. Rey curls against him. Instead of protesting, he wraps an arm around her, drawing her against him.

When she wakes up to rose-tinted sunlight spilling in from a small, slit-like window and Ben's arms still around her, she remembers what's looming ahead this day. The mission. Possibly, her death. Possibly, the death of those she loves.

But somehow she feels less afraid.

Rey sits up, glancing down at Ben, who's still asleep and peaceful. No thrashing. No nightmares.

She extracts herself from the bed and slips out the door. She'll get ready in her own room. It's barely dawn, so Rey doesn't expect to run into Poe.

"You scared me!" Rey gasps out, shock sizzling in her fingertips.

Poe's eyes narrow. "What are you—where did you come from?"

"Sleeping," she answers. "You?"

"Isn't your room that way?" He cocks his head. BB-8 rolls up behind Poe.

"I'm taking a walk."

Poe's gaze darts back and forth from Ben's door to her. BB-8 whirs. "Oh my—oh my—"

"Nothing happened," she snaps, pushing past him.

"Oh my—"

"Poe," she says sweetly, turning around. "Isn't your room on the other side of—"

Poe shrugs. A grin cracks his face. "Hey, if we're gonna die… But seriously. You. You and _him?"_

" _Nothing happened._ "

"Why? How?"

At first Rey thinks he's asking her why "nothing happened," but then she realizes he's still baffled about her feelings for Ben.

She rolls her eyes. "See you soon, Poe."

"But wait—really?"

Rey ignores him. A smile blooms on her face, just for her.

* * *

As they enter the _Millennium Falcon,_ Poe greets Ben with an innocent "Sleep well?"

He nods.

"Really? Because I wasn't sure you got much—"

Rey stomps on his foot. Ben crosses his arms as a scowl deepens in his face.

" _Ow,"_ Poe grunts.

"I think you're just projecting," Rey remarks.

"Oh, is he?" Ben asks with interest.

"Hey, all! Ready to not die today? And tomorrow?" Finn greets them.

"Sounds like a plan," says Luke. Rey shoots daggers at Poe, who smirks.

R2, C-3PO, and BB-8 roll up the ramp with Leia and Chewie. Chewie punches Ben in the arm, but Rey notices it's a little less powerful than the Wookiee's normal punch. Still, Ben winces and grips his arm.

"Hey, they're still on," Rey remarks. "Your arms, that is."

He doesn't smile. "True."

"Let me know when you're ready." Lando's voice crackles through the radio.

"Set," Poe confirms from the cockpit. The _Millennium Falcon_ 's engines rumbles beneath Rey's feet as the ship takes off.

"Heading into Light speed," Poe adds.

"The ship _was_ completely fixed, right?" Rey calls.

"Of course!" Finn insists.

"Well, I wasn't there, so I'm just checking."

"What, so we're less competent?" Finn retorts, leaning back and trying not to smirk.

"Than her? Absolutely," Ben puts in.

Luke chortles.

"Hey, BB-8," says Finn. "I heard you have some interesting news about Rey—"

Rey's lightsaber sizzles.

"Just kidding," Finn squeaks.

Leia and Luke exchange befuddled glances.

"We have several days together until we reach our destination," Poe yells. "It'd be nice if you all can keep from killing each other in the meantime, 'kay?"

* * *

"Good!" Luke exhales, letting go of the mind meld.

"This might just work," Rey exults.

Maz smiles. "Indeed. I think I'll go bother Chewbacca in the cockpit."

"I'll join you. I'm due to take over for Finn anyways," Rey says, exiting. Leia and Poe fall into a deep conversation that, as far as Luke can tell, consists equally of rehashing strategy and equally of Leia trying to explain the Force. Ben slips away.

Luke follows his nephew. When their minds were melded, he felt Ben's fear, his doubts—mostly of himself.

Ben leans against the wall, back to Luke, but Luke knows what's going through his mind without using the Force.

How many weeks had Ben spent on this ship as a child, with Han, Leia, Chewie, and Luke doting on him?

"You going to be all right?" Luke asks, taking a seat across from Ben.

"I miss him," Ben confesses as he turns around. "This is—this is the kind of thing he would love. This mission. The adventure."

"I miss him, too."

"What did you think?" Ben asks, stepping over and sitting on the floor next to Luke. "When you found out—what I'd done. To him."

"I felt like I failed," Luke answers honestly. "Again."

"Is that why you left? After I—after the academy?"

"No." Luke pauses. "Maybe. Maybe somewhat. But Ben, I never gave up on you. I went to find the first Jedi temple because I thought I could reconnect with—I thought, because of the history of the place—I'd be more likely to reconnect with a force ghost there. Obi-Wan, Yoda, my father. I thought they could help you."

Ben runs his hand down his face. "Did you?"

"Briefly. They all said you'd need to want to connect with them first, though. And you didn't."

"But—I did, with Darth Vader—well—"

"Darth Vader is dead," Luke points out. "Anakin Skywalker is the ghost. You didn't want to meet him."

Ben hunches over. "It's—at first, Snoke convinced me everything you were teaching me was a lie. And then, everything he taught me feels twisted somehow—like it's true, the Dark Side and the power, but it's also twisted and it was killing me. It tore me apart. And I'm so scared that I'll go back to that."

 _This_ is something Luke hadn't picked up on. "What makes you think that?"

"Because I want to kill Snoke," he admits. "I hate him. I know I still chose to do the things I did, but he convinced me, and I hate him for it. I'm afraid that—if I kill him, the Dark Side will take over again."

"The mind meld will help you," Luke says, taking in his nephew's distraught face and the scar running down it.

"I'm scared for Rey. And Mother. I don't want to lose anyone else I care about to that creature."

"Ben…" Luke weighs his words. "All your mother ever wanted was you, you _home_. If—and we will all do all we can to prevent this—but _if_ she dies, she'll be content with it, because the Leia I know has never been afraid for her own life. She's always cared more about those she loves. And you—she loves you more than anything in the world."

"I know." Ben seems like he wants to say something else, but decides against it. "Thank you."

Luke stands and embraces his nephew, pressings his hands against Ben's face and staring into his eyes, because in them, he sees flickers of determination, of bravery, and of Han.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hold on!" Poe hollers as they veer away from the rest of the fleet, hurtling towards the planet.

"Aren't we going to slow down?" Ben asks.

"No, we're approaching at Light speed to avoid detection—it's what Han did on Starkiller Base!" Finn yells.

"Oh, goodness gracious me!" wails C-3PO.

" _We detected you though!"_

"On your radar?"

"No, the Force. If he's there, Snoke will—""

"Our plan was always to move fast!" Rey says. "Nothing's changed." She grabs Ben's shoulder. Finn grabs her other hand as the _Millennium Falcon_ plows into the rocky surface of the planet, spinning violently. Maz crashes into Ben. Finn grabs the back of Poe's chair as BB-8 throws more tethers to hold R2 in place.

"Okay," Poe breathes as the twisting abates. "We did it."

Leia switches the safety off her blaster. "Let's go."

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," C-3PO mutters again and again as he watches Ben, Luke, Chewie, R2, Leia, Maz, Rey, and BB-8 descend into what looks like a burned out forest. Ash coats the ground, and the trees lean, decrepit and skeletal, against one another.

"This place is creepy," Finn says from the cockpit.

Poe nods.

"I must say, staying behind has never suited me well," C-3PO muses.

"Me neither," gripes Poe. One hour. That's as long as they have before Lando and the rest of the bombers blow this place to smithereens.

Finn takes his hand. "They can do it."

Poe sighs. "I hope so."

* * *

Soot flies up into her face with every step Rey takes. Smog prickles her nose, and it's all she can do not to cough. The sky above broils, the same gray hue as the dead forest around them.

Up ahead, a small town, buildings comprised of sandstone and/or broken, pallid wood, stands. And above the diminutive buildings towers a fortress.

"We have to split up," Ben says as they near the edge of the forest. "Rey, Mother, Maz, BB-8, you need to get in through the south entrance. You'll get there through the town, but the entrance itself is less guarded. Uncle Luke, Chewie, R2, we'll go in through the west entrance."

"You better be available for directions," Rey says. _We can do this. We can do this._

"I will," he promises.

 _You can do this,_ his mind tells her.

"Together?" Luke asks, and Rey concentrates. Strength flows through her, strength from the Force, but multiplied by the others surrounding her, all supporting her as she supports them.

"Let's go," Rey says, marching forward. She wraps the cloak she's disguised in around herself. She wants to look behind her, maybe for one last glance, but she refuses. _I'll see them again._

Rey isn't sure what she expected from the town, but few people meander through the streets. Those she does see appear exceptionally dirty, sporting bruises and smudges. It's the kind of poverty she hasn't seen since Jakku.

Sinister laughter rolls through the air. Goosebumps rise on her arms.

"It's colder than I thought," Maz observes.

"Come on," Rey says as they approach the entrance. She wastes no time heading straight for the guards. "You will let us inside and speak of this to no one." Rey pushes the mind trick into the stormtroopers. She feels a burst of energy and realizes that Ben, Luke, and Maz must be helping as well.

"We will let you inside and speak of this to no one," the trooper repeats.

Once inside, they slink along the passageways with their backs pressed against walls, a blaster peeking around each corner before they do.

_We're in._

Rey exhales at Ben's message.

"The door," Leia interrupts.

A metal door bars their way.

"BB-8?" Rey asks.

The droid happily slides forward, plugging into a panel and gathering the code. It takes only minutes, but Rey's heartbeat quickens nonetheless. Every footstep, every voice she hears, could mean the end of their lives.

"One more left," Leia mutters.

"Shit!" Rey gasps as they round the corner.

Captain Phasma aims her blaster at them.

* * *

Chewie moans that the First Order might notice the broken window.

"Probably," Ben confirms.

"But hopefully, they'll only realize what's going on after we've opened the shields," Luke puts in.

Ben clenches his fists as they walk, the hilt of his lightsaber icy against his palm. The same blade that killed his father. He might need it to save his life now.

He feels Rey's desperation. "Shit."

"They've been caught," Luke says aloud.

Chewie growls. R2 bleeps in concern.

 _You really want to try and do this again?_ Rey's asking Phasma.

A blaster shot cracks through the air, whizzing past Bens nose. He ducks to the side as Chewie's bowcaster ends the stormtrooper.

 _A lot more of them are going to die,_ Ben realizes.

R2 downloads the information they need and opens the door to the control panel.

"Hey!" Several personnel jump to their feet. Chewie aims his bowcaster and Ben fires up his lightsaber.

"You will all leave," Luke says. "Now. Without incident. And get as far from the palace as you can."

 _Yes,_ Ben thinks, working with Luke.

The stormtroopers file out in a line.

 _We're in,_ Ben thinks to Rey.

* * *

"You don't have to die," Rey says, her heart thumping with a peculiar compassion for this woman coated in chrome armor. "You will—"

"No mind tricks," Phasma snarls.

"I'm using it to try and _help_ you," Rey cries in exasperation. "You want to live. I know it. So _listen_ when I tell you to go outside and get away from this castle. From this town. _Let me_ help you!"

Phasma's blaster shakes, but doesn't lower.

" _You will leave the castle immediately,"_ Rey tries again.

The blaster still trembles. Maz closes her eyes in concentration.

" _You will leave the castle immediately."_

"I will… leave immediately," Phasma whispers.

"You will drop your weapon!" Rey calls after her. "And head for the forest, towards the _Millennium Falcon,_ and immediately surrender to the pilots on board!"

BB-8 opens the doors to the control room. Rey uses a mind trick again to get the stormtroopers ready to lower the shields.

 _Ready?_ she thinks.

 _Ready,_ comes the response.

"Let's do this," she says aloud. Leia's hands, warm and maternal, grip her shoulders as Rey barks instructions at the stormtroopers.

On three, she thinks.

_One._

_Two._

_Three!_

* * *

"Yes!" Luke exclaims. Chewie howls in relief.

"Let's get out of here," Ben says.

They barely make it out the door when a foot flies out to kick R2.

"Why, Kylo Ren, I didn't expect to see you again."

_Hux._

* * *

" _Phasma!"_ shrieks Finn.

"All right, all right, the shields are down, it's a go!" Poe bellows into the radio, which just sprang to life with a series of crackles.

"On it, kid!" Lando replies.

"I was told to come here," Phasma says in a monotone voice.

"Oh. Right. Right." _Rey._ "Well, see, Phasma, I'm sorry about this, but—neither of us can use the Force, so there's really not another way."

Phasma cocks her head. "FN-2187—what am I—"

"Never mind, not sorry. The name's Finn!" With that, Finn slams his blaster down against the Captain's helmet. She stumbles but doesn't fall.

"Here!" Poe rips off the helmet and Finn brings the blaster down again.

"Thanks, Poe." Finn eyes the unconscious woman. He's never seen what she looks like without her helmet before. Were it not for her size, he never would have found her threatening. "Got rope?"

* * *

"Please just—go away," Ben says.

"Not a chance." Hux hobbles towards them, pointing a blaster with his good arm, his nose crooked and face screwed up as if every move were agonizing. "Unlike you, I'm not a traitor, and I don't intend to run."

"Unlike you," Luke says. "We are both Jedi. So I suggest you _do_ run."

_Both Jedi… There's no time for sentiment now!_

"Luke Skywalker," whispers Hux.

"That's me," Luke confirms. "Son of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala. Brother of Princess Leia Organa, brother-in-law of Han Solo, and uncle of Ben Solo. Apprentice to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Have I missed anyone?"

"Everyone you mentioned is either _dead_ or soon will be," Hux sneers.

"Cybernetic hand?" Ben taunts, noticing that, regardless, Hux's arm is still in a sling.

Tired, Chewie shoots Hux in the knee with the bowcaster. Howling, the redheaded general drops to the ground, firing his blaster at the same moment—at Luke.

Ben holds the shot in the air, stopping it inches from Luke's face.

"No!" Hux shrieks. "I'm not—this—that's—not _fair!"_

"No," a cold voice cuts through the room. "Betraying those who truly cared for you _isn't_ fair, Kylo Ren. Have you forgotten how much you owe—"

Before Snoke can step into the room, Kylo grabs Luke and pulls him around the corner, Chewie and R2 following. _Run_ —that's their only chance.

Laughter echoes through the hallways as the lights go out. The unmistakable rumble of bombs travels through the castle.

And one blast rips through the air near Ben, sending him flying into the stone wall. Heat scorches his face, his hands—but still, he grips the lightsaber's hilt—Chewie bellows—and—nothing.

* * *

"Poe, the bombing's started!"

"I can hear and I can see, Finn!" Poe yanks his hands through his hair. "They said to stay here."

"They might have a better chance of escaping if we go to them," Finn counters.

Poe smirks, throwing himself behind the pilot's chair. "Did you really think for a minute I was just going to sit here? Get over here."

"Let's find them," Finn says, one hand on the controls, the other clutching Poe's.

…

"This way!" Rey shouts, tearing through the hallways. _This place is like a maze—how can we hope to find them?_

"Through the Force, of course!" Maz shouts. " _Feel_ it, Rey."

Leia pants behind her, and Rey senses the kind of terror Rey's never comprehended: the fear of losing the two family members she has left.

 _That can't happen,_ Rey prays. _Please…_

"Luke!" shrieks Leia as they come to what used to be a hallway, but is now caved in. Piles of stones and burned bricks slope towards a cavern in the floor. Luke lies sprawled on top of a bleeding redheaded general.

Hate surges through Rey. If Hux lives and Ben does not…

"He's alive," Leia calls, cradling Luke and checking him for wounds.

The unmistakable groan of an injured Wookiee comes from another pile of bricks. Maz and BB-8 race towards it, while R2 appears from behind what's left of one of the walls.

" _Ben!"_ Rey screams.

"Rey," she hears him croak.

Gasping in relief, she races towards his voice, crawling over a plank of wood teetering close to a gaping hole in the wall from which the wind howls and grabs at her. Splinters jab into her skin. He's half-buried by the stones, and as she pries him loose, she notices that one of his ankles is bent at an unnatural ankle. His lightsaber, however, is firmly grasped in his left hand.

"You're okay," Rey manages.

"The others?"

Grabbing his arm, she leads him back over the wood. Chewie is still struggling, flailing to lift what looks like a pillar pinning one of his legs. Leia cradles Luke's head inches from where Hux lies unmoving. "Ben!"

Rey sees it—a band of light swinging through the air behind Leia and barely has time to scream.

" _No!"_ Ben thrusts his hands in front of him. Snoke stumbles back.

A grin twists the creature's depraved face. "Kylo Ren."

"No. Ben Solo," he corrects him, staggering forward, lightsaber aimed. " _You will not touch my mother."_

"I never touched your father, either," Snoke taunts. " _You_ did."

"On _your_ bidding," snaps Rey, standing behind Ben, her lightsaber also ready. Blue and red, one steady, one flickering, they glimmer next to each other.

"Rey Kenobi," Snoke says. "I don't want to kill you."

"Just my friends, right?" Rey hisses. "Same thing."

"You might not be as weak as the pathetic mess standing to your right. You disappoint me, boy. Just as your disappointed your father in his last breath."

Ben's breathing intensifies. His hands shake.

"You are so weak," Snoke continues. "I showed you so much, Kylo Ren! So much power, so much understanding—all the mysteries of the Dark Side, and you throw it away for what, sentiment? _Didn't I warn you against that?"_ he roars.

Another roar, that of a Wookiee, comes from behind them, and a bowcaster shoots at Snoke. He ducks it and Rey and Ben both lunge. Their lightsabers sizzle and snap as they twist to avoid his blows, thrust to land their own, Ben struggling with his ankle but Rey determined not to let this monster win, not this time.

Snoke's saber sears Ben's arm. He cries out, and Rey lands a blow against Snoke's back.

"Little _bitch_!" Snoke whirls to face her, and Rey feels no fear of her own—but _his_ fear permeates the air.

A shot rings out, and Rey's arm is on fire. Screaming, she tumbles to the ground, her lightsaber flying out of her grasp.

"Enough!" Maz grabs Hux's blaster. Chewie lands a blow on his head.

Rey's still screaming, her hand spilling blood and burning. It feels as if her bones have been pulverized. She lifts her eyes and, through the red haze, sees Snoke knocking Ben to the floor. Ben raises his lightsaber, scrabbling to get to his feet.

"You really think you have a chance?" Snoke laughs. "Your friends may bomb this place, but I'll survive. I know far more about the Darkness than you ever could. I should have known from the beginning that you would fail. Everything about you reeks of what could have been: a great Jedi, a great wielder of the Dark Side, and now you'll be neither. Your lightsaber is fundamentally flawed, weak, just like you—made of a cracked crystal—"

_Cracked crystal._

_Help me, Rey._

"No!" Rey screams, realizing instantly what Ben's about to do, but she feels Maz, as Force sensitive as she is, already entering a mind meld, and, tears streaming down her cracked face, Rey joins.

Ben's on his feet now, favoring his broken ankle. His eyes meet Rey's and he says the only thing he can think to say, the only think he wants to say: "I love you."

And Rey gives the only answer she can: "I know."

She wants to squeeze her eyes shut, not sure she can witness the man she once loathed, the man who she loves and who loves her, blow up his lightsaber, Snoke, and himself with her help, but she can't turn away as she focuses all her energy into combusting the cracked crystal.

Ben starts to lunge. Snoke raises his lightsaber.

"No!" Another figure, far shorter, shoves Ben down against the floor, standing in-between Snoke and her son.


	17. Chapter 17

The blue lightsaber clashes against Snoke's. _Rey's lightsaber._ In his mother's hands.

"You _monster,"_ she seethes.

" _Mother!"_ Ben lunges forward as a swipe from Snoke barely misses her head. _She can't—I'm not worth—Mother, no!_

Snoke blasts him back against the wall as Leia aims her lightsbaer like she's been trained as a Jedi. Except she hasn't, and Ben is more afraid than he's ever been. It's a different kind of fear though—fear for someone else.

 _Father, please! Grandfather—anyone—_ He cannot let her die for him. Slowly, Ben crawls closer.

"You think he still loves you?" Snoke screeches. "He doesn't! He's too far gone—this Light will burn out too, just you watch—and this time I won't intervene and he'll be as dangerous as—"

"That. Is. A. _Lie!"_ Leia shouts, landing a thrust against Snoke's shoulder.

It's his only opportunity. Ben leaps to his feet, ignoring the agony in his ankle as he flies at Snoke and stabs him with the cracked, crackling lightsaber Snoke helped him create.

Snoke whirls about, wrenching the lightsaber out of his side. He meets Ben's eyes and stares at him as if he no longer recognizes him.

 _You've lost,_ Ben thinks. _I'm not Kylo Ren anymore._

Doubled over, but armed with two lightsabers now, Snoke slices at them and jolts Ben out of his stupor. Ben grabs his mother by the waist, diving behind what used to be a brick wall separating the corridor from a room.

_Now._

Ben wills all of the energy of the Force within him and Rey, his mother, Maz—and Luke now, he must be awake—all push for the same thing.

Light, fiery and red and shooting embers like arrows, explodes. Ben clutches his mother, shielding her body with his as debris and dust fall around them. Darkness falls and smoke permeates the air. Ears ringing, Ben lifts his head. "Are you all right?" he asks.

"I'm fine!" Mother cries as, through the ringing, the hum of more bombing planes soars. "And now we've got to get out of here!"

"Ben! Leia!" Luke yells as they scramble out from behind the wall. He leans against Chewie. Rey clutches Maz, her face smeared in dirt and Maz's glasses cracked. One lens is missing entirely.

R2 bleeps and turns to leave down the hallway. BB-8, antennae crooked, wobbles after the older droid.

"What about him?" Luke asks, glancing down at a crumpled Hux.

_Leave him to die._

_No,_ Ben thinks, recalling Snoke's last words. _No, I won't listen. Not anymore. Not ever again_. "Take him prisoner," he says.

"Chewie, if you carry him, Leia and I can help Luke," Rey suggests.

Light filters in through the hole in the side of the building. Through the glass, Ben sees Poe and Finn in the cockpit of his father's ship.

Even now, his father is still rescuing him, Ben thinks.

* * *

Once they're on board and Hux is chained next to Phasma, with Finn tying a tourniquet to the General's leg, Chewie approaches Ben.

"Going to punch me again?" he asks, staring at the wookiee in apprehension.

Chewie raises his hand, but instead of curling it into a fist, he ruffles Ben's hair like he used to when Ben was a boy and played a joke on Han, or won a race, or did basically anything to make Chewie chortle.

"Thank you," Ben whispers.

Chewie rumbles.

"Wait, that crazy lightsaber exploded? I didn't know the Force could do that!" Finn's gushing.

"Mission successful," Lando's voice relays to Leia.

"Yes!" Poe high-fives with Finn. Rey sinks onto the padded bench in relief. Leia shakes her head as she grabs bandages to wrap around Rey's arm.

"The First Order's gone?" asks Phasma's voice, monotone.

"Not yet," Leia says. "But soon." There's fire in her voice, and hope.

"You did it!" Finn crows, hugging Rey, hugging Luke, and Ben.

When they pull away, Finn grins at him. "Hey man, we're friends now."

Ben smiles and laughs. Finn hugs him again.

"No," groans Huz, stirring to life. "Where am I—where—you—you all—you scum! Where's the Supreme Leader?"

"Dead," Rey informs him. She winces as Leia tightens the bandage.

"What?" Devastation cripples his face—it's as if Hux cannot move, breathe, think. And then it erupts and his mouth opens, spewing vitriol.

Chewie punches him.

"Chewie!" Finn exclaims in exasperation. "Now I'm going to have to fix his nose, too."

"Time will tell if his soul will mend," Maz mutters as she tests Ben's swollen ankle and begins wrapping it. "If I tear out his tongue, though, there'd be no hope," she adds so only Ben can hear.

"I've been tempted," Ben admits. Maz winks.

"Ankle okay?" Leia asks Ben as she finishes Rey's arm.

"I'll be fine."

"So will I," Rey adds.

Finn gives Ben a pointed look.

"What?" Ben asks.

Stepping away from Hux, Finn crouches down and whispers in Ben's ear: "Don't blow it."

"What, no death threats?" Ben hisses back.

"I'm leaving that for Poe." Finn nods at Rey. "Make a move, man."

Finn wasn't even there when they fought Snoke, and thus far no one else has acknowledged what they heard between Rey and Ben. But Rey's looking at Ben, a smile playing with her lips and with complete joy in her eyes.

He doesn't deserve her. He wants her anyways.

Ben grabs Rey by her uninjured hand, pulling her just out of sight.

"Are you okay?" she asks him.

He nods. "I'm—fine." That's the truth. He might've said he felt _free_ because that was what he expected, but he doesn't feel any freer than he did before Snoke's death. _He was right. I killed Han. I made all those choices._

_And now I can make new ones._

"I meant what I said," he says hastily. "Before my mother—"

"I meant it too," Rey says. "I love you."

He needs her to know. "You know that the guilt—it's not going to leave me so easily. Snoke's death—vengeance—it hasn't made anything better. I'm glad he's gone, but I'm still… I'm going to be—there's still pain ahead. A lot of it."

"I know, and I love you," she repeats.

He lowers his lips to hers, her fingers clutching his shoulders as he wraps his arms around her waist.

Why someone so good chooses him, he doesn't know, but he loves her. He loves her for her bravery, for her kindness, for her compassion and her intelligence, her self- sufficiency. He loves her because she's Rey, and because she sees him whole, even if he's not quite there yet. She believes he'll get there.

Claps and whistles finally break them apart, both breathing heavily.

"I knew it," Poe says, smirking.

Finn winks as BB-8 dances around. Chewie snuffles and nods in approval.

"What's going on?" Mother calls.

"Nothing," Ben calls back, Rey's arm still slung around him and his hands still on her waist.

"That answer is never honest, coming from you."

"He's just embarrassed Poe and I caught him and Rey snogging," Finn explains.

"Finn!" squeaks Rey.

" _What?"_ Luke hobbles around the bend as Ben and Rey quickly let go of each other.

A smile spreads over Leia's face as she watches Ben and Rey glance at each other, at the ground, all around. She nods as if in approval.

Ben finally meets her eyes. A boyish smile tugs at his lips as pink spreads down his nose.

"Obi-Wan would have approved," Luke declares.

Rey's hand sneaks out to grab Ben's, and she pulls him closer for another kiss. "Happy now, those who missed it?" she asks.

Behind Rey, Ben notices something he's never seen, something— _someone_ —he's always wanted to see. A young, long-haired Anakin Skywalker, standing next to an older man he doesn't recognize. Judging from the way the older man looks at Rey, though, Ben can hazard a guess.

He kisses Rey again. When he looks up, the ghost have vanished, but he can tell from the sparkle in Rey's eyes, in Luke's, in Leia's and Maz's, that they all felt their presence.


End file.
